Kids
by SunMoonAndSpoon
Summary: Mrs. Yagami never thought that baking could lead her so far astray...[Mrs. YagamixL, please R&R.]
1. Marble Cake

Nana: Save for an AMV about cake, this is my first contribution to the Death Note fandom. Of course, my offering has to be a crack-pairing. No, it doesn't look like it yet, but this shall be Sachiko/L. The idea came out idiocy, but I'm determined to make it work. Here's hoping you'll enjoy my attempt.

This is dedicated to Rara, who supplied the starter concept, and to Reka who got me into Death Note in the first place. BLAME THEM.

Disclaimer: Don't own it!

Kids

Chapter One - Marble Cake

* * *

L twirls around in his chair, faces the task force and grins like he's insane. He's not happy, he's not smiling out of joy but out of vague amusement. This amusement comes from irritation; he's wracked his brain for a solution to their brand new little issue. It seemed too minor to matter but the task force said it should. When he thought it over he realized this could compromise the whole investigation, one piece of information can lead easily to speculation and further research. They could be screwed in a figurative fashion. Action needed to be taken and L took it, he has a plan and he's pleased with it.

Now the question is whether or not the task force will agree.

"As you all know," he states, "we haven't been able to keep the details of the case as secret as is necessary. This is because our meetings take place in what is technically a public space. Despite my requests that they refrain, maids can still enter this hotel room on a whim. This is true of every room in every hotel that I've stayed it. As a result, individuals who we may or may not be able to trust have access to classified information. I keep our records very safe, so this isn't an issue, but several days ago we were definitely overheard. This is why there's been so much buzz about the investigation lately. Whoever heard our conversation reported it to the media, and while what was said wasn't terribly important, we cannot continue to discuss the Kira case under these conditions." He stops, pops a cookie in his mouth and chews for a bit, wonders whether to continue or let the other people talk.

Before he's done chewing Aizawa speaks up, asks what L supposes they should do. "Police headquarters aren't really open to us, and I can't think of any other place that would be safe. I kind of thought the hotel rooms would be…the way you talked it sounded like you'd taken more precautions."

"I did everything I could," L snaps, no he doesn't like Aizawa telling him he isn't perfect. "If you thought there was something wrong with how I set things up you should have said something. Anyway, my idea, if you'll all agree, is that we could use your houses. As long as your families can be trusted it should be fine. Except, Mogi, you live in an apartment building, so there are going to be a lot of people around. Same for you Matsuda. So…Yagami, Aizawa? We'll use your homes. Any objections?"

Aizawa gulps, says if they could keep visits to his place to a minimum than that'd be great. "I've got kids," he says, "they don't need to be exposed to this. I know Yagami has children too, but Light's right here, and Sayu's old enough…anyway. Is that okay?"

The task force nods and L suppresses a grin, this really works out better in the long run, there's nothing to be gained in the Aizawa household. Light's not likely to do anything suspicious in his presence, he's not an idiot but L could find something, there are always possibilities. "Mmm," he says, "okay. Our next meeting will be tomorrow night…Yagami, what's a good time for you? I don't want to invade when it's inconvenient."

"Eight?" he suggests, shrugging lightly. "Light, does that work for you? You don't have any late classes tomorrow, do you?" He shakes his head and it's taken care of, the next meeting concerning Kira will take place in the Yagami living room.

* * *

Sachiko stares out the window, sighs and takes in what her husband has said. It sits in her brain though she knows what she thinks, she does a dish or two to stall him. When he doesn't retract his request she whips around, says _"No _Soichiro, are you crazy?"

"I wouldn't ask under normal circumstances," he says, straightening his tie as if propriety will somehow help his case. "But our information was leaked, if too much comes out it'll cause mass panic and my…maybe _all _of our…of our deaths." Soichiro signs, rubs his temples and begs her, swears they'll keep quiet and out of her way.

"That's not the point," she says, turning back to the mountain of dishes, not bothering to touch them. "If the taskforce comes over I'll be glad to play hostess, I just…I don't want the kids involved in this any more than they already are. I don't approve of Light working with you, I accept it, but I don't want Sayu…"

"Sayu won't be involved," he says, shaking his head because the thought's just plain repugnant. "She's not interested in any of this, all she'll do is say hello and head off to her room. Anyway I would never let her…she's too young, and she's not…"

_Smart, like Light. _No, neither one is going to say it. Instead Sachiko steps away, says fine, it's fine, but if she hears her daughter spewing Kira nonsense then they'll have to find another place. "Also," she continues, "you're finishing the dishes. And doing me another favor when you come to bed."

Soichiro grins. "Unless this is a trick and I'm supposed to change the sheets or something, I'd be more than happy to do you that favor. Come here?" She does, and then she crumples into him, leans slightly up to catch a kiss. It's nice but over in a minute, her tongue has barely grazed his teeth.

"Well," she says, stepping back and pseudo-smiling. "I'm off. Goodnight Soichiro."

* * *

Morning comes and they haven't done anything, Sachiko had waited for Soichiro several hours and then drifted off to sleep. Dishes don't take that long so he'd broken his promise, but whatever, just whatever, Sachi wasn't really in the mood. It's a semblance, a front; they ought to want each other being married. When she wakes he isn't even in bed with her, he isn't even home.

It's a Sunday though, and the children are up so she should drag herself awake as well. Maybe do something nice like make them breakfast, it's been ages since she's bothered and maybe they've eaten but well, she'll see. Stretch first and get her bearings, grab her clothes.

It takes a shower and some time to think, but Light comes to the conclusion that it might not be a good idea to show up at the meeting. For all he knows, L leaked the information, and is using this to scope the house out for himself. If Light's not there L will lose his focus, he'll concentrate on the evidence and issues that confront him right away. If he misses the meeting it makes sense to pump his dad for information, he will know what's happened all the same. They can start things with the focus off of him.

So that's good, but now the question is, how can he legitimately miss it? Schoolwork's not a good excuse, his schedule's stuck to the fridge, and a social excursion would seem irresponsible. It's got to be something he can't be talked out of, that won't seem suspicious or worthy of blame.

What comes to mind is feigning illness. If he's sick enough it's nonnegotiable, his parents are here and anyway, the taskforce doesn't want his germs. He'll start his lie off right away, greet his mother with a hacking cough and go from there.

* * *

Sachiko heads out to the kitchen, sees her daughter eating cereal and sighs. She doesn't say she had planned to make pancakes, it would disappoint them both and she doesn't want to do it anymore. "Morning sweetie," she says, pouring a bowl for herself. "Any plans for the day?"

"I told you I'm going to the movies with my friends today, remember?" Sayu mutters, seeming miffed that her mother's forgotten.

"What movie?" asks Sachiko, drowning her breakfast in far too much milk. "And which friends? You're not going with that…what was her name, the girl who smokes heroin?"

"No mom, Ai's not coming, and she doesn't smoke heroin, she just _smokes. _There's a huge difference." Sayu doesn't say who's coming or what the movie they'll be watching is. She just stalls and squirms and rolls her eyes 'til Light walks in. He's coughing and this gets Sachiko's attention, she's got to ask if he's alright.

"I'm fine," he says, waving her away and sitting down. Hardly a minute passes before he's coughing again, Sachiko's concerned but doesn't speak. People cough for reasons other than disease, and anyway, Light's a big stoic seventeen-year-old, he will not admit to being sick.

"Do you want cereal?" she asks, nudging the box closer towards him. Light shakes his head but she convinces him, he pours himself a bowl and barely eats. Sachiko notes this, quickens her own pace to encourage him. She asks both her kids about school. A few minutes of forced conversation and Light's grabbing his head and grimacing. He coughs again, says he's finished and he's going to his room.

"Oh…okay?" Sachiko says, and Sayu sticks her tongue out at him, says he should hang out with the family more, the family is _cool. _But they keep on eating, let him go. Sachiko will not be bothered by her son's refusing to speak with her, she will assume that he's sick and that's why. When Sayu leaves her shortly afterwards, Sachi just doesn't think about it. She shuts down.

* * *

The plan's going perfectly, Mommy's worried but she hasn't said a word, he cannot be accused of faking it. Light's doubting this a little bit, thinking that his absence might allow for talk of things he shouldn't hear, that L will come up with some way to trick him. But no, more likely he'll be high priority at first, but then L will forget, hell Light himself forgets things when they aren't right there. This will work, this will throw him off. L can't plan for his absence, the worst that'll happen is he'll waste his own time.

He works on his cough, makes burning hot tea in the bathroom. He downs it, hopes the added heat will help to fake a fever. This is the tricky part, a fever can't be acted out, it's hard evidence. But the tea should do something, in a minute he's going to bed with four or five blankets; he'll leave aspirin lying around, wet his face first so he'll look sweaty. Mom will come in soon.

* * *

Nana: Yay, you managed the first chapter! The next chapter should be out soon, so keep an eye out if you're interested, and review me! For future referance, all chapters will be named after some sort of dessert...it works with the upcoming plot, and anyway, I enjoy the idea. Thank you for reading and have a spiffy day!


	2. Cookies

Nana: It's good to see that people are enjoying this so far! I hope this was timely enough, I've been busy but I've put in my time! I had a lot of fun writing it; so even though I'm being told I should work on my originals instead, expect another chapter soon!

Mort, I tried including Ryuk more, but he didn't really fit into this chapter. Sorry!

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Kids

Chapter Two – Cookies

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Sachiko shows up and Light could have predicted it down to the minute, he knows how long it takes for her to eat and clean the kitchen. He peers out from his heat-trap cocoon, coughs like he's trying to stifle it. She's worried, that's perfect, he'll have no problem pulling this off. "Hi mom," he mutters weakly, "did you want something?"

"I just wanted to see if you were feeling alright," she says. "You didn't really eat your breakfast, and you've been coughing a lot…also, you're in bed in the middle of the day, which isn't like you. Do you think you might be sick?"

Light shrugs and fakes a struggle up, says it's possible but it's not a big deal. "I'm just tired," he tells her, "I couldn't get to sleep last night, so I'm resting up now for the meeting." He coughs again and Sachi purses her lips, clearly she doesn't believe him.

"Let me feel your forehead," she demands, reaching in before he can stop her. As if he would. For a second he's scared that it isn't enough, that he should have used the lye soap trick or something. But they didn't have any, he'd had to make due.

It seems to have worked though, "you're warm," she says, "you're definitely sick. Maybe you should skip tonight's meeting. I'm sure your father will fill you in."

Light shakes his head, says it would be irresponsible of him to just skip out. Sachiko shakes hers right back at him, says what's irresponsible is not taking care of his health. "Your father would agree," she says, and when Light does not assent she says "fine. We'll see how you're feeling later on."

----------

Sachiko walks in on him several more times, offers food and medication. By the fifth time Light's too ticked to deal politely, if she keeps this up she'll notice something, his plan will fall through and he'll have L breathing down his neck all night. "Ma!" he yells, "could you leave me alone?! I'm fine, okay, but I'm trying to sleep! Jesus Christ…"

"S-sorry," she stammers, backing away and then stopping, this is her _son. _She's the authority, she's got no reason to be scared. "I'm concerned, Light, I'm your mother, and for a mother to know her child is sick is just _torment. _Please understand that." With that she bows out, shuts the door and Ryuk starts laughing, she doesn't hear this but she hears her son snap _"WHAT?!" _and she stays worried. "I love you," she says bitterly, "you know I love you all."

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Eight rolls around and the taskforce shows up, drenched from the torrential rain. It's been pouring since six and already the driveway's flooding, all the dirt outside has turned to mud. Matsuda barges in, ignore the etiquette of entering another's home. Aizawa and Mogi stay back, dry off and remove their shoes so as not to wreck up the house. Soichiro's been back for hours, he's sitting on the couch watching TV, and Sachiko thinks there was meant to be one more person but she doesn't know who, she only vaguely knows the ones here now.

"Mrs. Yagami, hey, how're you doing?" Matsuda says grinning and taking a seat by Soichiro. "And hey Chief, how are you?"

Both assert that they're okay, and they go around the room with this pointless question. Everyone's fine, they're always fine when you don't know them. They also talk about the weather, blather on 'til Soichiro asks, "where's Light?"

"He's not feeling well," Sachiko says, "he isn't thrilled about it but I thought he should miss tonight's meeting…he has a fever and he seems so exhausted…" She's expecting him to disagree, say Light should not be stopped by something small. But Soichiro nods, says that's probably for the best.

"I hope Ryuzaki shows up soon," Matsuda says. "We're pretty much lost without him and Light…I mean, the four of us together could probably equal one of them if we tried really hard…" He looks around, notices he's dripped rain on the couch and apologizes. "Eh…where is that guy?"

Discussing him doesn't summon him; it takes ages full of idle chatter for Ryuzaki to arrive. When he does he's lacking a jacket, hell he isn't even wearing _shoes. _He's soaked and he's shivering and not standing up straight, the part of Sachi's mind that's set to mommy-mode's gone mad. She's trying to be quiet since this person's not her son, but this is ridiculous, her own son shut her out and for God's sake he's not wearing shoes!

"Sorry I'm late," he says, scratching quick behind his ear. "It took almost twenty minutes to find a parking space, and the one we found was pretty far, so I had to walk."

"Why didn't you just have the driver drop you off here?" Soichiro asks, and Sachiko wonders if Ryuzaki is even worth questioning, if anything he says or does makes sense.

"The car radio broke, so I thought I ought to keep him entertained," he states, shaking his head like this is obvious. "Anyway, before we get this started, can I have a towel? I don't want to dirty your beautiful home, unlike _someone…" _He glares at Matsuda and Matsuda laughs nervously and throws off his raincoat, says he's sorry, really sorry, he should have fixed this thing by now.

That's over with and the taskforce starts talking, Sachiko gets the towel and then heads off to the kitchen, she promised to play hostess and she doesn't want to know. There's no question that Kira must be stopped, but there's also no question that to know about him is a danger. Her ties are likely to kill her already, as wife and mother to taskforce members she could possibly be doomed. But just in case she'll stay ignorant, safe in the kitchen baking cookies like a wife and mother should.

----------

L's disappointed, Light's absence is an opportunity to lay out evidence against him, but with his mother there he can't even mention it, Yagami will deny it all for the sake of his wife. If Light stays sick they can meet next at the Aizawa house, talk it out there, but L doubts it. Even if Light is close to death he'll make it, he's got to know he can't afford to miss that meeting. "Today," he says, squeezing rain from his shirt into the towel. "We are going to be reviewing the information we have so far about the second Kira and the case in general. I think it's important that we're all on the same page, and I don't think it'd be wise to introduce new information until we're sure this place is safe."

Yagami jumps up startled, snaps that of _course _it's safe to talk in his home, what does he think, his wife is going to gossip with her friends about it?

"It doesn't matter what I think," L says, "we have to take precautions all the same." And Yagami agrees, says he's sorry and he will not question this again. L starts talking, explaining why there's more than one Kira and what they're meant to do about it. And he's talking and talking and everyone's rapt, they wouldn't have noted Sachiko's re-entrance if not for L's mid-sentence stop. "Are those cookies?" he asks.

"Why yes," she tells him, "yes they are."

----------

He keeps talking while he's eating but he interrupts himself, tells Sachiko they're spectacular and dazzling, magnificent and yay. The other members take one each, Matsuda hesitating over a second one that's snatched before he can, Ryuzaki's inhaling them. He doesn't thank Sachiko more than once but he seems happy, she's happy looking as he eats. It's something to focus on, something to feel proud of since she's clearly failing as a mother to her kids. At least she's pleased this strange young man with her cookies, at least she's got something _(he's still soaked and lacking shoes) _to worry about besides Light in bed and Sayu god knows where.

She smiles and ducks out, lets them keep on talking murder. And no, she can't help glancing back.

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Nana: Well there you go! Sorry about the length, I'm trying out a new style with this fic, one where I don't go on for eternity about things that don't matter. I hope you've had fun and that you'll give me happy times too by reviewing! Bye!


	3. Cupcakes With Sprinkles

Nana: Alright, here's chapter three! It's been a while, I know, but things were a bit hectic during my first week back at school. But I tried my best to get out the next chapter as soon as I could…I'm really glad people are enjoying it. Anyway I've updated, so please read on and enjoy!

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Kids

Chapter Three – Cupcakes With Sprinkles

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Time that should be spent on the case is spent on things pointless, it's not long but L spends several minutes mulling over Mrs. Yagami's focus on him, her scrutinizing glances and the wrinkling of her brow. Clearly there was something that she disapproved of, some issues that she had. She was mild and polite but there was hardness behind it, and what that hardness means is eluding him. Did she just not like the home invasion? Did she have something against him personally? _Did she know something about Light's status as Kira or not and want to keep it from him? _

He doesn't know, he can't know right now but he'll keep an eye on her, have the next meeting there unless Light plans to miss it. It might mean nothing and it might mean the world but he isn't about to ignore it. That would be unprofessional. That would be silly.

----------

"Thank you for being so cooperative today," Soichiro says, shelving books that crashed down when he walked by them moments before. "I was half expecting you to throw Matsuda out for getting water everywhere…actually that would have been amusing. Anyway, it means a lot that you're doing this, and it's going fine so far, right? Sayu wasn't even around, she didn't hear anything."

Sachiko nods, says it did turn out okay but she's not exactly thrilled with Sayu's absence, the girl came back at midnight and she's far too young for that, he's going to have to talk to her when she wakes up later. "Also," she states, "that Ryuzaki guy was just plain _strange. _Do you really work with him everyday?"

"He's not so bad," Soichiro says, eyeing an old textbook of Sayu's and wondering if he ought to toss it. "He's just…peculiar. I guess his quirks are more noticeable when you're not used to it, but he's a valuable asset, I…"

"You've learned to ignore him?" she asks, snippy but still playing innocent. Soichiro shakes his head, insists that it isn't about that; he isn't irritated by the man or anything. And Sachi sighs, says that's fine but he's got to admit he's got issues. "What kind of sane person goes walking around in the rain with no shoes and no jacket? That's just _begging _for hypothermia right there. It's just so _reckless, _and he looks so _young. _I'd never let my kids out like that, that's for sure."

Soichiro shrugs, says he never said Ryuzaki was sane. "He's brilliant," he tells her, "and that's what counts. Not every genius is as well-rounded as our Light, you know."

She knows. She's been scared for years that they'd pay for brains with imbalance, that they'd find something wrecked in Light's head. But he's flawless, scarily so. Intelligence tied up in the bizarre is actually a comfort.

----------

The next meeting starts a lot earlier, last time it went on well into the morning and Sachiko disapproves. "It's disruptive," she'd said, "and I don't want Light to be up that late. He has school in the morning and he hasn't been well, he needs sleep." And so Soichiro sets it sooner, shepherds Sayu to her room when she walks in through the door.

It's still dreary out; it's expected to stay like this for days. But the rain's stopped and Sachiko's pleased, unless Matsuda tracks mud inside her home should stay quite clean. Despite approaching dinnertime, she's decided to bake again to please the scary man. What she'll bake is currently beyond her; she's just staring at the ingredients hoping they'll assemble into food. The taskforce is gathered and yammering, she's paging through recipes and paying no attention.

Her son walks in, yanks a glass from the shelf and pours himself grape juice, tells her Ryuzaki wanted to know if she planned on baking anything. "He said not to make it sound like he was asking you to, but he clearly was."

Sachiko grins, thinks that this is why she even bothered buying ingredients; she wants to see Ryuzaki's reaction. "Ask him what he wants," she says, "I was going to bake, but I have a pretty general supply of ingredients and I don't know what to do."

"If I asked that then he'd know I was…" Light trails off; Sachiko's sliding inside, asking him for herself because she knows that Light will not. Ryuzaki's put off, distracted, he'd been in the middle of laying out something important.

"Oh, um, whatever's easiest for you I suppose," he says. "I wouldn't want to trouble you." And he blinks, would go back to his papers but Sachi's still just standing there, arms crossed and asking for specifics. She knows there's got to be something he wants, and she'll be damned if she's going to go in there and figure it out for herself. Ryuzaki turns to face her, says okay, if that's how it is then he'd like cupcakes please. She nods, saunters off to get started, dig her muffin pan out from the pile of junk in the kitchen closet.

----------

She whips them up quickly, baking cupcakes is practically a sacred rite of motherhood. There have been countless classroom parties, friendly events full of food that she's been called upon to cook for. The other mothers have jobs after all, they haven't the time. The cupcakes she creates are mildly fancy, she puts pointless effort into drawing their faces out with sprinkles, gets bored and just shapes them into stars and hearts. She's done and it's lovely and they're going to taste great.

She brings them out to the table.

----------

L eyes the cupcakes, twists the heart-sprinkled one around and around in his hands. It looks delicious, he's dying to try it but he's feeling suspicious, thinking maybe he oughtn't eat what Mrs. Yagami gives him. He'd made a request; it'd be rude to decline but all the same, she's been staring him down the whole night and it's nerve-wracking. When she's flitting through the room he can't concentrate, she steals glances every second and he doesn't know _why_.

She's out in a minute, leaving him unsettled and unable to continue. The chief picks up the slack though, blares his thoughts on the second Kira and what they know so far. And L just listens, doesn't speak.

----------

Later he sits flicking through old tapes he's saved, pausing when he lands on clips of Mrs. Yagami. He's been through all of these a thousand times in search of Kira, but he suspected Light, paid scant attention to the rest of them. Her eye on him means _something_, and damn it he'll find out what if it kills him. He doubts that she's Kira, too much points to Light but she could know something. He's not sure how this whole mother-son thing works exactly, but it doesn't seem unreasonable that Light could tell his mom. Or maybe it is but whatever, he'll scan these tapes all the same just to see. Even if she doesn't know, her gaze was weird and there's meaning there.

He yawns, it's four in the morning and he's been plowing through these tapes since he got home. They're all the same, she does the same thing every day and this is boring, she's boring, he's got to stop watching this soon.

This is maddening, he can't stop and this isn't about what she knows about Kira, not anymore. No, it's about why _she _was looking at _him. _It's disconcerting whatever her motive, he's not used to feeling twitchy and cornered like he did when he was there. Maybe he's just odd-looking, an eye-catch? When he heads into the world sometimes he does get stared at, but this was in an insular setting.

He keeps watching, Mrs. Yagami cooking and cleaning and lying with a book in her bed. He learns nothing except she seems solitary, she speaks little and she sighs all the time. He learns nothing, so he stops and goes to bed at dawn.

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Nana: Would it be an understatement to say that they're starting to notice each other? That's step one to any relationship, though as you can see step one is played out in a rather creepy manner. Anyhow, stay tuned for the next chapter, hopefully coming up soon. Remember, reviews equal love!


	4. Milky

Nana: Here's chapter four after only a week of waiting! I've been oddly inspired these days, in part because of Justice Forums, where one of my readers e-beats me for not writing faster. You know who you are. Anyway, this chapter takes place somewhere other than the Yagami house, for once. I _can _vary my setting, I just haven't done it yet…_'til now. _So yes, read on and have fun and all that!

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Kids

Chapter Four – Milky

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To-oh University has always intimidated her. It's a rich-kid school, a genius school, and Sachiko never thought that she'd set foot here, that she'd have money and a child smart enough to go. Today she's here to drop off some scholarship forms, apparently she's got to sign something in person due to recent forgery on the part of some random kid. She considers picking Light up, taking him home but there's no real point, it's not like she has the car with her…well, maybe she will. He could stand to spend some time with his mother.

She walks through the campus after signing the papers, feeling out of place and rather old. She's surrounded by beautiful geniuses, none as lovely or smart as her son of course, it might not be her but she feels pride in that, she has a right. The wind whips her hair around and she wishes it were longer, that this was picturesque instead of annoying.

Blinking and shaking the hair from her eyes, she sees somebody crouched oddly on a bench. She can't at first but then she sees; it's Ryuzaki. Once again lacking in shoes, what the hell. Does he actually _attend _this school, is he just hanging around, what's he doing here? He's waving at her, looking dead, and so she stops and says hello.

"Mrs. Yagami," he says flatly, "what brings you here?"

"Oh!" she yelps, startled and she's not sure why, it's not like she wasn't expecting him to greet her. "I…I'm here to sign something. The school's paying for a big part of Light's tuition, which is their excuse for drowning us in paperwork."

"That must be irritating!" Ryuzaki says, pouncing on the subject like he means it, wants to talk. "I can't remember the last time I had to…well I have so much _else _to do that I don't have time for paperwork. I don't have time for much of anything, really. I'm sure your husband is busy all the time just like I am, and Light is too?" He seems manic as he's speaking but Sachiko smiles, it's amusing rather than creepy out here in the light of day.

"Yes," she tells him, "my husband is usually busy. The case is taking up a lot of his time. Light's busy too, but it's a good thing really, I don't have a house full of men to clean up after!" She giggles, this isn't funny, doesn't _approach _being funny, it kills her when they're gone but. Laughing numbs the hurt, just a little.

Ryuzaki smiles, concedes that yes, his gender can be rather messy. Sachiko laughs and they babble on about that for a bit, then she asks what he's doing here, if he's a student or spying or what. She'd meant to ask this all along, but he distracted her. She didn't expect him to be friendly. "Oh, I go here," he states blithely, "I've actually got a class to go to momentarily…don't worry, you aren't making me late."

"I see," she says, "well, I'll be off then. I have to go sign those papers, and then I'm picking up Light. I hope you have an interesting lesson."

He stops her, steps up to block her path. "Don't go just yet, I need to ask you a favor. I meant to tell him myself, but I haven't run into him and he's apparently in class now, so. Tell Light for me that the next meeting's at Aizawa's place…we've been abusing your hospitality, and it's about time we abused someone else's, hm?"

And she's about to protest, tell him it's no problem at all but he just saunters off, waving briskly. She ignores her disappointment; all this means is less work for her to do, some time to spend alone with her daughter. So never mind, she turns around, walks off to sign the papers.

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He'd been babbling incoherently, he knows it and he's mildly embarrassed. There was purpose there, a shred of meaning, he'd meant to keep her talking, scope her out to check her motivation. Why she looked at him and all. But the conversation led to little and he got caught up, gave out information that wasn't strictly necessary. What does he know now that he didn't know before? Light goes to To-oh? He's getting a scholarship that requires his mother's signature? She considers men slovenly? So what? Maybe the fact that L's not pressed and perfect irks her, and that's what she's been staring for? Does any of this even actually _matter? _

No, no it probably doesn't. He shakes his head, stomps to class.

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Night passes slowly with no one around, Sayu's home but she's on the computer. Instant messaging has replaced the phone for her, so it's imperative she get her time in every night. Sachiko spends some time in the kitchen, staring down ingredients and trying to figure out what to whip up for next time Ryuzaki's here…no, she can bake any time she wants to, she can bake for herself, for her family. She's being ridiculous; Ryuzaki's not the only one in the world who eats her cooking.

He is the only one who's said a word to her all day, though. She saw Soichiro briefly but he didn't pause to talk. Light had another class she ought to have known about, she wound up not being able to walk him home. Sayu's been sucked into the screen. The day's been blank save for that conversation, she knows her family will come home and splash paint on it, do something, but for now…

For now, she just wishes she had Ryuzaki to cook for. He loved what she made him so much.

----------

They've just received something potentially useful, Sachiko's flown straight out of L's head; he's got to concentrate. It's a page from a diary, one that's none too verbose or well written. The taskforce is yammering, it's chaotic and Aizawa's not paying attention, his baby girl's shrieking and this is not a good place to be working, L has to shout over the sound. "Can you get her to be quiet?" he asks, voice cracking with the volume he's forced into. "We have things to discuss, if I have to be this loud the neighbors will hear!"

Aizawa picks her up from her playpen, bounces her as he circles the room. She's still screaming and where the hell is her mother, the wife was just here a minute ago, she's disappeared and L has no patience for any of this. "Look," he snaps, "if you can't calm her down then we can't do this, we'll pick up again later okay?"

"Don't snap," Aizawa says, "you'll scare her." And then he kisses the child, accomplishes nothing and L just throws up his hands, gives up.

"We're done," he says, "let's meet tomorrow at the Yagami house. Same time, but no babies."

----------

Hours pass and he's by himself, stringing theories through his head and he'd _had _one before, if you read the thing it's obvious they should set up cameras in the cities mentioned, those _are _the clues but now he's second guessing it, thinking maybe some of this inanity about reading magazines and not going anywhere holds the key. Hell, maybe the second Kira is a member of Morning Musume, maybe it's the freakin' _first _Kira, with no sleep and no confirmation he isn't thinking straight. He's grown dependant on everyone saying he's right.

It's noisy in here, a couple's hashing out their marital woes in the hall and there's a tree branch pounding the window. L hasn't been able to get away from noise for a while, he's getting a headache and everything's magnified, if he just got some sleep he'd be fine, but. He can't. He knows that it's useless to try. Overworking his jaw on hardened Milky will have to somehow replace this.

The couple keeps screeching, L covers his ears and thinks back to Mrs. Yagami, wonders if she fights with her husband this way, if she claims that he's worthless and treats her like crap. She likely doesn't yell like this, she's a peaceful woman, a break from the noise, a distraction.

There is absolutely no reason for this, but he picks up the phone.

----------

Nana: Anybody want to guess who he's going to call? Will it be…_Ghostbusters? _Or someone to shoot me for my lame little jokes? Hm. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I certainly had fun writing it, I like stressed-out L, and I like staying up until four in the morning not doing my homework and working on this instead.

Oh, just in case you don't know, Milky is a Japanese candy that's meant to taste like very sweet milk. You chew it sort of like gum, except you're supposed to swallow it. It's good stuff!

Please review, and have a spiffy day!


	5. Hot Tea With Sugar

Nana: Welcome back, and I'm sorry for the wait. I was working on a challenge fic, as well as homework and a few other things, so this took longer than anticipated and I'm sorry. I hope that this chapter turns out to be worth the wait!

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Kids

Chapter Five – Hot Tea With Sugar

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She's dozing by the glow of the television, the top of her daughter's head touching her knee. Apparently the movie they'd put on had been boring, since neither had stayed up for it. Now it's late and a Viagra ad's blaring, the phone is ringing and Sachiko doesn't know why. Who'd be calling at this hour? Who even calls this _house _anymore?

It could be important so she feels for the phone, finds it just before the ringing ends. "Hello?" she says, the dredges of sleep still clear in her voice. For a time she hears nothing but static and heavy breathing, she's about to hang up when the caller speaks.

"Hello," he says, "is this the Yagami residence? I'm not sure if I have the right number."

"You have it right," she says, "this is Sachiko. Who's this?"

There's a stretch of silence and she debates hanging up again, she doesn't want to kill the phone bill with somebody who won't speak. She gives him one more chance, another greeting and he says, "I'm sorry. I'm just…not entirely sure why I called anymore. This is Ryuzaki and ahh…how are you?"

Sachiko blinks, says she's fine, thanks, did he want to talk her husband? To her surprise he tells her no, says that actually it was she who he wanted to speak with. "What for?" she asks, not that she minds or anything she's just…confused. She'd been hoarding ingredients for him all day; it seems strange and vaguely suspect that she's in his thoughts as well.

"I, uh…I…" he trails off, clearly this is hard for him and it gets Sachiko grinning, his awkward reluctance to speak reminds her of Light as a child, screwing up the courage to ask for a toy he say on television. "I want you to come over," he says, "I mean if it's not too much trouble. You don't have to I…I just want you to."

And she nearly bursts out laughing at that, it was probably the cutest thing she's heard in years. She stops herself before agreeing though, asks if this has anything to do with Kira. "I refuse to involve myself in any of that, so unless I'm a suspect and I'm under arrest, I'm not coming. If it's about the case, I mean."

"It's not," he sniffs, sounding offended. "I can talk about other things. I just…I'm not really sure, I just want you to come here. Sorry. Once again, you're under no obligation."

She glances down at her sleeping daughter, determines that she'll never miss her, no one will, and she agrees. Says, "yes, yes I'll come and see you. Just tell me where to go."

----------

L turns the phone off, stops himself from throwing it out the damn window. What the hell _was _that? He had had absolutely _no _intention of inviting her over, he hadn't even meant to _call _her really, he'd just meant to use the phone. He'd wanted static silence, not a visitor, how is he supposed to handle having her here? He's socially retarded, less so than she likely _thinks _he is from that display, but still. He can't even touch on the subject of work, he doesn't know how to make small talk and socialize!

He panics a bit, bites his nails to the nub and comes close to hyperventilation. And then he thinks that this is silly, if he calms down he can get through this, all he has to do is scare her off of ever visiting again. He's always himself but he'll be himself even harder, exaggerate the traits he's told are odd. L's stoked for this, he can absolutely take her on. This won't be social, this'll be a challenge, an investigation of sorts, he can probe her on Light and make use of this!

Perfect. He can take his hands from his mouth now, breathe evenly. This he can handle. This he can do.

----------

Sachiko arrives dead tired, not sure why since she's done nothing all day, but whatever, all she plans to do in there is talk. She's vaguely guilty, practicing unnecessary stealth as she pads through the hallways. She shouldn't be here, not without telling Soichiro, not without telling the kids. As she heads for the door this claws at her brain, her hand is shaking when she knocks but she ignores it. She's not here to do anything wrong, just to talk and just to see him. And she's allowed to visit anyone she wants.

Ryuzaki lets her in, standing with his back at an almost horizontal angle. He mumbles a greeting, sits with his knees drawn up as far as they will go. "Do you want tea?" he asks, fiddling with a sugar packet he's found on the table. She doesn't but she tells him yes, not wanting to deny him the pleasure of serving her. When her children were young they'd pout and cry when she didn't need help from them, and when she asked for it they'd ignore her. Somehow she expects the same from Ryuzaki.

He makes the tea, holding everything at jackknife angles. It's clear he means to be extreme, he spills the hot water and burns himself because you just cannot hold cups like that. So he pops the afflicted finger in his mouth and keeps working, probably knowing that this still won't work. Sachiko laughs, tells him to cut out the faking and just make the tea.

Ryuzaki bristles, turns around. "This is how I _always _make tea," he says. "This is the first time I've ever spilled anything. The vibrations from your footsteps probably threw me off or something…why don't you sit down?"

"Sure," she says, flopping onto the couch and watching him dither. This is a much nicer couch than her own, which makes sense since it's hotel property but still: it reminds her that she needs a new couch. It's easier to think about upholstery than about why Ryuzaki insists on repeatedly spilling boiling water all over himself. But she does wonder, and she also wonders why he asked her here in the first place. She's about to ask when he finally turns around but then she doesn't, his hands are blotchy and throbbing and they look like they hurt. "You should run those under warm water," she suggests as she purses her lips. "It'll help."

"I know that," he says, "I was just giving you your tea first—here." And he shoves the steaming mug in her face, walks to the sink to soothe his hands. His face isn't meant to face the ground like that, it's a wonder he can even see where he's going. She sips the tea, waits for him to join her, perch on the couch like an awkward bird.

"So was there any special reason you wanted me to come here?" Sachiko asks, sipping slowly at the tea. It's hot as hell and if the incineration of her tongue is any indication then Ryuzaki's hands must be killing him. "I know you said you didn't know, but maybe you've got your thoughts together now. Are you alright?"

He nods, says he just felt like it, it was a whim that he shouldn't have acted on. "I apologize," he tells her, "and I'm fine. I guess we can just…talk. Or something. It's fine if you just want to go home."

"Oh no, that's okay," she says, not sure if that's what he wants but not caring. She'd rather be here than home, home is lonely and Ryuzaki's amusing. "It doesn't really matter why, I was just curious. So…" There's a silence, no one's sure what to say and Ryuzaki's not trying, he's just dumping sugar into his own mug of tea. It's excessive, she'd have stopped him if he were her kid but she doesn't, she has no right to dictate what he eats. But she does comment on how much he likes sugar.

"Mmm," he grunts, "I do. I know it's not the wisest of dietary choices, but it's the only thing I actually like. I'm told I have the taste buds of a child. Are your offspring the same or have they moved onto liking other things?"

"Well Sayu's always liked everything," Sachiko says, pleased with this turn in conversation, she likes to talk about her kids. "Seriously, I could feed the girl wasabi and she'd be fine. Light was always much pickier…when I was breastfeeding him I couldn't eat most of the foods I liked or he'd start screaming, and I could never get him to eat vegetables…but he's gotten over it. He'll eat pretty much anything now."

Ryuzaki laughs and she isn't sure why, but she's laughing too in a minute. He prods her on her children; she's pleased to speak because no one asks her now that they aren't tiny. She isn't ready to move past this yet, talk about herself or him or anything really, just her kids. And mostly Sayu too, his excessive interest in Light is a little scary. He knows him and he's only seen Sayu once or twice, but still she feels more comfortable talking about her daughter. They talk long into the night, Sachi rambling on about her babies and Ryuzaki nodding along. "I'm sorry," she says, "I've been on about this for a while now. You could probably care less about my kids…were your parents as doting and obsessive as I am?"

Ryuzaki blinks, says quickly that of course they were, that's practically a requirement of parenthood, right? And then he stops the conversation, sips for ages on the tea that's grown lukewarm. Sachiko fights the urge to apologize, she's clearly touched a nerve but it's best not to acknowledge that she has. She stays quiet, drinks what's left of her own tea, and they sit watching each other 'til Sachiko falls asleep.

----------

As soon as she's drooling contentedly, he stands up, kicks the wall, hopes this violence doesn't wake her up or break his foot. He's screwed up again, he can't seem to think rationally with this woman, and he slips up and admits things there's no need for her to know. She hadn't believed him about the whole parents thing, she probably thinks he's been horrifically abused, or that he killed them or something insane. She probably thinks he's insane. Also, his hands are killing him, and she's still here, she's sleeping on his couch and he'll have to deal with her in the morning.

Maybe she won't come again, though. And maybe he won't be devastated when she doesn't.

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Nana: That last bit was written under the close scrutiny of my dog, Mischa, so hopefully her sneezing on my keyboard somehow improved the quality of this chapter! This was the first one where they actually make an effort to spend time together, so I hope I did that milestone justice. Writing about L trying to deal with purely social interaction is such fun. Please review, and I'll try my best to get the next chapter out soon!


	6. Passionflower Cake

Nana: Hello faithful readers! This one comes…slightly quicker than the last chapter, due to me actually sort of knowing what I was doing this time, and banning myself from making AMVs until I posted a new chapter. I've developed a bit of an addiction. So anyhow, chapter six is weird, but I'm proud of it, and I hope that you'll enjoy!

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Kids

Chapter Six – Passionflower Cake

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Morning comes and he's gotten no sleep, he's been far too keyed up watching Sachiko. Every second is a second she could snap awake, start talking to him about something that's not analytical. His brain is not wired that way, and he's never been more embarrassed. When she wakes up she will mock him, shun him, stomp away. And that will hurt but it will not matter, he won't have to deal with her anymore.

It takes time but she stirs, she's moving and murmuring for maybe half an hour before she actually awakens. L stares her down, time dripping by slowly. He's gnawing his fingers, hurting the burn, he wants this to just happen _now _already. Finally, _finally, _she blinks herself awake, sits up straight to look at him. "How long have I been sleeping…?" she murmurs, rubbing her eyes and _no, _there is nothing visually pleasing about that _whatsoever, _not to L. She's looking him over now, judging him. "Did _you_ sleep?" she asks, "you look exhausted."

He's about to lie but he stops himself, actually he'd rather that she know he didn't sleep. Raging insomnia's a sign of insanity, if she fears him then she'll leave him and he can go back to his normal routine. Morning involves a few hours of work, a few hours of scrounging up junk food, and a few hours of maintaining connections and making sure work can be _done_. These days he hasn't time for much but work, but anyway he can't get started on any of that 'til she's gone. There are some government officials he's got to call, some data he has to go over and God good God he's craving candy. So "no," he says, "I didn't sleep."

"Well why in the world _not?" _Sachiko asks sounding steamed, she's in mommy-mode, that's clear. Possibly creeped out that he's been sitting staring at her all night long, but it's mostly out of wanting to control him. "How do you expect to do your job if you don't get any sleep? You can't be operating on full mental capacity. You probably _feel _terrible. Why don't you sleep?"

Let's see. Is the truth, that he's a plain old insomniac who'd rather spend hours not trying to sleep than hours failing, good enough? Or should he come up with some convoluted thing like sleep is _evil, _he has blood-drenched nightmares full of blood? Lying's second nature, crazy's what he's aiming for and so he says he never sleeps, he can't and he won't because when he tries he sees monsters, he sees death. And Sachiko's got her arms crossed, she's rolling her eyes because she doesn't believe him, not one word.

But what the hell, why not? It's not as if he's bad at lying, he lies all the time about everything, hardly anybody knows the full story of his life, hell _he _sometimes forgets what's real and what's not. He's convincing, she shouldn't be skeptical. "That's not it," she says, "if it were then you wouldn't say it so matter-of-factly. You'd be embarrassed. Also, you'd still realize that you had to go to sleep. Light used to have nightmares when he was a kid, and even though he'd wake up screaming more often than not, he wouldn't admit to it."

L balks, that makes no sense whatsoever. "Just because Light reacted to it one way when he was a child doesn't mean I'm going to react the same way now. We're different people, and I'm an adult You can't decide that I'm lying based on generalizations."

She assents to this, says that all the same she doesn't buy it. "What I wonder is why you feel you have to make up something like that. Are you looking for attention, Ryuuzaki? Because one would think you get enough of that with your job."

He bristles, hops off the couch and crosses his arms. "It is extremely rude of you to presume that I'm lying, and it's even ruder to attempt to psychoanalyze me. You don't know anything, Mrs. Yagami." Ah, sweet bullshit. He _is _lying, he's not sure how she picked it up but anyway, he has his reasons. Being an attention whore isn't one of them.

"Oh, and that's not rude?" she asks, more amused than irritated. "I'm only trying to help you, but if you don't want me to then I certainly won't waste any more of your time." And she stands up too, rummages around for her coat and she's about to leave, he has no idea why but this panics him. He straightens up slightly, moves in to where she is and says he's sorry.

"You're right," he says, "I lied. The reasons would only insult you, but anyway, I'm an insomniac. That's it. I can't sleep, I can't ever sleep, I haven't been able to sleep since I was a kid. That actually _does _scare me, a little." And that's the truth, he's not lying and he doesn't know why anymore. The truth is endearing, she's smiling softly now and not leaving. Goddamn it.

"Maybe you should see a doctor for that," she tells him, hand touching his and that panics him, thrills him, she's in mommy-mode now and maybe that's what he wants but who _knows? _Who _cares?_ "Even if it's not a sign of a bigger problem, it's going to _cause _you problems in the long run. I could write you an essay on what it'll do to your health."

"If I slept more then I wouldn't have time to do my job," he snaps, shoulders hunched and he's on the defensive, chewing his fingers again. "And you know what? Write me that essay. I'd like to see if you've got anything I don't already know."

"Okay," she says, hand to her mouth and she's laughing. "I will."

----------

Sachi slips inside, not sure whether she should hope they've noticed her abscence. If no one has that means no one cares, but if they have then she'll have to explain it. When she enters the living room she sees Soichiro picking up his briefcase, about to leave for the morning and he looks at her, confused. "Where have you been?" he asks softly. "I missed you."

He missed _her, _that's a new one. "I just went out for a walk," she says, pulling at her sleeves and smiling. "I would have asked you to come, but you were sleeping. You never have time to sleep."

And he nods, takes it without questioning it. She's a good wife who would never lie, and he has to get to work, get some things together at the station before he meets with L. Soichiro kisses her on the cheek and leaves.

----------

L makes his calls, spends hours arguing with portly old men about how much money should be funneled into the Kira case, how much manpower and time. He also has to fend off other cases, explain that his life is all about Kira right now, he hasn't the time and they'll have to find somebody else. "This is more important than an embezzlement case," he says, "you know it is so please don't argue." By the end he's exhausted, pissed off and he needs a break. Some aspirin maybe, his head's hurting again. Sitting at the computer won't help matters much, but he's too tired for anything else, and anyway, he's going to use the sliver of free time he's got to look up Sachiko. Because the woman will not leave his head no matter what he does.

Internet stalking doesn't get him far, if she's got a blog or a profile site she doesn't use her real name, and the only time she's mentioned is in reference to her family. There's a _different _Sachiko Yagami, this one publishing obscene poetry, and since she says she lives in Canada L's pretty sure that that's not her. His Sachiko shows up as Light's mother, Police Chief Yagami's wife, and he's going to have to yell at him for not keeping tabs on what people put online. What he finds has gone up in the past few days so he'll do him a favor, hack into the sites and get rid of it, change the names. Kira _probably _hasn't seen this already, though they ought to amp up security. And now he doesn't know how why he thought looking her up online was a good idea…there's not supposed to _be _anything online. His brain and logic haven't been getting along well for a while now. Maybe Sachi's right about the sleep thing—no. Agh, anyway, he'll take a look at what's here before he gets rid of it. There's got to be something that isn't just stats, that's her as a person and not a relationship.

There's one thing, just one, and maybe there was more before the whole 'clearing names from the public record' thing, but he doubts it. When Sachiko was fifteen she ran a small marathon and came in third. That's impressive, but that's all.

----------

The meeting's well underway and Sachiko has no idea what they're talking about, her ears perk when her son's name comes up but she tries her best to ignore it. Anyway she's nearly completed her masterpiece, an obscure recipe that took her ages just to find. Getting the ingredients was murder too, passionflower isn't typical grocery fare. And that's what she's making, passionflower cake, because passionflower's meant to be a sedative. She'll serve it at the end; she has no idea if it works or how powerful it is, but anyway, Ryuzaki needs a nap and goddamn it she's going to give it to him, like it or not.

The cake smells lovely once it's out of the oven, and the meeting's winding down. She can tell because half the conversation is about football. Her husband likes football, hell if she knows why, and from what she can tell Aizawa does too. So she brings the cake out with a whole lot of fanfare, she's skipping and smiling and when she sets it down she pecks Soichiro on the cheek. Yes it's silly but she's proud, that and needing to prove to everyone she loves him. Because she's not really feeling it now.

"This is a new recipe," she says, placing it down on the table, along with plates. "It might taste terrible, so please don't blame me if it does."

"I'm sure it will be delicious, Mrs. Yagami," Ryuzaki says, honing in on the cake and cutting himself the first piece. She's fine with that, it was made for him, but Matsuda's hand is shoved away in the process. He's not exactly thrilled. But pretty soon they're gobbling cake, she tries it herself and it's tasty. Sayu waltzes in and has a piece, over all it's a hit and they're all telling her how great she is. The fact that Ryuzaki eats three slices makes her heart skip and surely that's just because her plan is working. Of course it is. What else could it possibly be?

----------

That night, when L gets home, he sleeps. It's not for long and it's nothing to brag about, but he sleeps.

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Nana: And there's chapter six! My nerd-brain is incredibly pleased with the whole passionflower thing. I spent my art history class researching that, because I honestly don't care a wit about art history. I hope everyone liked their awkward bickering and the way they're slowly starting to care about each other. I'm a bit unsure about proper pacing, I don't want to hook them up too fast or too slow, so if anyone has any suggestions…anyhoo. I'll try my best to get the next chapter up soon, and I hope you'll all review and have a great day!


	7. Chocolate Bar

Nana: There comes a time in every lengthy L-fic where the author must make up some things about his background. I have my own ideas about how it went down, and since there is thus far nothing canonical to work with, my own ideas are all I've got. This chapter deals with a rather depressing aspect of L's past. Which is funny, because it all came to me while walking in the sunshine listening to songs about the water cycle and competitions for who has the fanciest pants.

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Kids

Chapter Seven – Chocolate Bar

_----------_

It's morning and the bright sun pounds her skull in, Sachiko wakes up sick. It's inconvenient but inconsequential; though she'd meant to clean house she can put it off, rest a while. Or anyway, she thinks so until the house starts to vibrate, her daughter's got friends over and they've got Miyavi blasting loud. Already she knows it'll be pointless to stop her, Sayu will stay quiet for maybe five minutes before they start yelling again, before the music creeps back to deafening volumes. And so she clamps a pillow to her head, tries to slip off into sleep again, but she fails, Sayu and her friends are far too loud, so you know what? Screw this. She'll go someplace else.

She gets out of bed, steadies herself against the dizziness she knew would come. Her head hurts worse now that she's standing, the idea of walking further makes her want to puke. She sits down again, missing the bed and hitting the floor, now her ass hurts. Great. She's in pain and she has no idea where she's even planning to go.

And idea comes to her in seconds; it's been waiting in her brain since she woke. She'll go to Ryuzaki's place, it's quiet there and they can ignore each other, she'll sleep and he'll work and he won't mind, right? He's asked her there before.

----------

When she hops on the bus she realizes she should call first, get permission for invasion but she hasn't got her cell phone. She convinces herself that he won't mind, that it won't matter if she stops by uninvited. And so she keeps going, nods off midway through the ride and wakes up coughing. Her stop is nearly here.

It comes and she plods off the bus, waving idly at the driver as she goes.

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It's been a productive morning; L's got nothing else to do until the meeting. He's keyed up, excited, they might actually be getting somewhere with the case today. Light and Matsuda are checking out Aoyama, Shibuya, anyplace mentioned in the poorly written diary. He's not sure if this'll get them anywhere, if he's read the second Kira's intentions correctly but anyway, there's a good chance. 75 or so. He's pleased.

A good mood is worth celebrating, so he digs through his stash, picks out a bar of chocolate and starts eating. It's an interesting brand name, one he only bought because it amused him—Crunky. It tastes decent, but he's so used to fancy chocolate now that it doesn't quite do it for him. Oh well, sugar's sugar.

He sinks his teeth into the bar and then the bell rings, he jumps out of his seat because no one's supposed to know where he is, the taskforce wouldn't be so casual about it and god good god it could be someone here to kill him. Whether this is paranoia or rationality is beyond him right now, but the bell's still ringing. He has to at least see who's there.

It's Sachiko. What the hell.

"What are you doing here?" he hisses, heart pounding. He doesn't say she scared him, won't admit to weak emotions. But he's angry now, hands curling into fists and he can't bring himself to let her in.

"I'm sorry," she says from the hall, "I should have called, I suppose…my daughter has some friends over, and they're shrieking at the top of their lungs. I'm not really feeling well, so I was hoping I could rest here for a bit…I'm sorry if I'm intruding, this probably wasn't a good idea." And she's about to leave, she feels ridiculous.

L opens to door. "Come in," he says, waving his arm towards the couch. "It doesn't matter, I don't have any work right now so it's fine. Are you okay?"

She nods, weaves towards the couch and flops over, coughs a bit. "I'm fine," she says, "It's basically nothing, I really…I just need a nap. I can't get it at home, because of friends…Sayu's…friends…thank you, Ryuzaki…" And her eyelids fuse, she shuts down and slips into sleep. And L's amazed, he's never seen anyone fall asleep so quickly, even sick. When he's unwell sleep just doesn't happen, he once spent two weeks wide awake with the flu. Sachiko's body functions normally, and he envies her.

----------

Hours pass and she does not wake, she seems scarcely to be breathing. And for a while he doesn't concern himself. She's still and she's sick and he knows she's not dying, logic is law but he can't shake the thought. That she's dying. Because she looks so much like his mother did before she died.

And so, he's being ridiculous. He knows it. But all the same he can't stop watching her, can't stop twitching and jumping every time she coughs in sleep. She doesn't resemble his mother, really, he can hardly remember what she looked like and her eyes were different, bigger. More like his. It's just that before she died she was so still. But she talked to him. And Sachiko's not talking.

Maybe she's already dead.

L breaks the law of logic at the thought of this.

"Get up!" he demands, grabbing her shoulder, wrenching her awake. "Get up, please, don't be…don't be…" And she wakes up, blinks at him, clearly confused.

"Don't be what?" she asks, and he's regretting this instantly, he should have let her keep sleeping, left her alone because she's fine, he's an idiot and now he has to talk to her. Explain himself.

"Nothing," he says, gnawing his thumb raw and skinless. "I'm sorry I was just…it's nothing."

It's not nothing and she's not going to take that, she means to wring a motive out of him. "I have work to do," he lies, standing up to avoid he and she grabs his wrist, keeps him rooted.

"Don't be what?" she repeats, and he breaks down.

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He doesn't cry. His throat constricts and his eyes well up, his body shakes but he doesn't cry. It's been twenty years and yes it matters, but he will not cry in front of Sachiko. In front of anyone. At all. But he's shaken and she sees it and to him this is a break down, damn it now he has to talk. "What's wrong?" she asks as he struggles for composure. "Are you alright?"

"Y-yeah…" he gasps, wiping his face with his fist. "I'm sorry, I'm being ridiculous. I thought…I thought you were dead, for a moment. It was totally irrational, obviously you weren't you just…you looked like my mother. Before she died. I haven't thought about any of that in years so it…got to me. I'm sorry."

In a flash he's in her arms, the mother in her pulled like a magnet towards the pain. She will make this better. He knows she intends this, knows that she can't. Because the truth remains, his mom died. "It's okay," she mutters, face pressed against his shoulder. "It's okay."

"No, it's not, you should…go back to sleep. This happened twenty years ago, it doesn't…it doesn't matter now." He regrets this immediately; the kind look in her eyes is replaced with flames and she snaps, says of course it fucking matters.

"If I die, and twenty years down the line my kids don't miss me, I will go down in history as the world's most violent poltergeist. Twenty days, twenty years, who cares? She's your mother. Now tell me about it." That done she sits down, coughs a bit and goes quiet. Waits for him to talk.

"She was sick with something, I'm not sure what but it was probably cancer. I was young at the time and no one told me. I was five when she died, but I can't remember her ever being healthy…" That's a lie, there was one bright morning when she picked him up and spun through the house laughing, tossed him in the air and on the couch and said she loved him. She couldn't have been sick if she did that, at least, she couldn't have been dying. Not yet. He was two then, maybe three. He twists his shirt in his hands.

"That must have been awful for you," Sachiko says, looking down and kicking her feet out. "I can't even imagine, my mother was never sick a day in her life…well, go on."

"There's not much else to say," he mutters, nearly choking as he tries to hold the tears back. "She was very sick, she was in terrible pain and she couldn't _do _anything, so she…died. She was trying to sleep, I was in bed with her, I always was so whatever it was must not have been contagious. She couldn't sleep. She knew she was going to die. She said that she loved me…more than anyone. More than my father. She said a lot of things, I can't remember the majority…and then she said she was going to sleep. I watched my mother die…"

And then he can't help it anymore, he lets himself go, lets the tears come flying out, unchecked. "E-everyone, everyone t-told me she…went to sleep. A-and then my father killed himself. I didn't see that, b-but they all said…he went to sleep too."

"That's why you're an insomniac," Sachiko says, nodding like this is obvious, simple and clean. He'd been one before, it isn't just that, he doesn't fear death when he's drifting off. Not consciously, anyway. "Listen," she continues, "what you've been through is horrendous. You have done _spectacularly _for someone who lost both their parents. I could never have made it through that. My parents are old and they'll probably die soon, I don't think I'll be able to take it _then, _old as I am. You were _a baby. _My husband speaks of you with immense respect, and after hearing this I think I respect you more than he does." And then she smiles. Like she's happy. Like anything in the world could possibly be happy after that.

L can't say anything, can't quit crying long enough to talk. In his head is Mom closing her eyes, the anonymous men come to tell him he was not enough for Dad to live for. He's not thought of this in years and now it's killing him. Again he's wrapped in Sachi's arms, and he won't say a word but he needs this. It doesn't matter that she should be sleeping, that he'll catch what she's got, he fucking needs this.

----------

Nana: That was a big step forward, huh? It's making _me _tear up a bit, so I hope it had at least some effect on you guys. Hope it wasn't too corny, either. Anyway I'll try and have the next chapter out as soon as I can, so please shoot me a review to encourage me! Love you guys!


	8. Strawberry Tarts

Nana: Sorry for the wait. I've had a lot of homework lately, plus spring break was pretty busy. (Also I was making AMVs again. They were Death Note! I am contributing to the fandom somehow!) Anyway, this is the first chapter that's been beta'd, so if it's any better than usual than it's thanks to Iron Chief. Hopefully I can get him to keep helping me out in the future. Anyway, read on and enjoy!

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Kids

Chapter Eight – Strawberry Tarts

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Sachiko falls asleep again, hair stuck to her face with her sweat and L's tears. Her head hits the arm of the couch when he leaves her, she doesn't wake up but she mutters to herself, annoyed. Best to do this before she gets too deep into it though, he doesn't want to lie here staring at the ceiling and trying not to wake her. She's sick, he has drained her. She should be sleeping now.

But L doesn't want to be alone with this. He doesn't want to hear his mother's morphine addled voice, himself at the double funeral, screaming in the arms of a man he doesn't know, who doesn't want him, who isn't even the man his parents wanted him to go to. Not Watari, yet.

He has no work to do, nothing except to cover Sachi with a blanket, to seek out food to stop his brain. But his mother used to feed him cake; he can't get comfort out of this if he remembers why he does it, _fuck. _There's nothing for him now.

He sits by the door, crams his thumb into his mouth and he's _always _done this, always gnawed his skin off and it has nothing to do with his mother. He's always been an insomniac, and everybody's mother gives them cake. He will not allow this to invade his life. He will go outside and buy junk food.

He stands up, opens the door with minimal creaking. Sachiko mutters something and he almost stays, he needs her words but she's sleeping. So he goes.

----------

The sun blazes outside and he feels his skin tighten, he will get burnt if he stays out long. It's winter and this heat is ridiculous, this is partly why he rarely strays outside. Luckily he was smart this time, he picked a hotel close to a bakery. It isn't far to go.

He steps in gum on the way there, he actually chose to wear shoes for once so it's fine, he doesn't care, he's here now and it's not a great bakery, it's fine if he tracks gunk on their linoleum. He does not bother to scrape it off or see what kind of pattern his shoe has imprinted in it.

The shop stocks an average array, dry cookies, faded croissants, and cakes with dull frosting. The best option seems to be the fruit tarts, those look relatively new and the fruit hasn't rotted; they should be edible. He orders a bag full of strawberry tarts, hopes they won't get ruined and mashed on the way. He wonders if Sachiko will want one, if it's okay for him to eat everything before he gets back to the hotel. She's sick, right, and sick people don't like food. They sleep and they don't eat much. He doesn't even eat much when he's sick.

That's rationalization though; L just doesn't want to share. Since he can't see himself eating anything less than the five tarts he's purchased, he decides he'll make it up to her. Which is ridiculous since there's no way she'll know he's bought anything. Anyway he'll go to the drug store, buy her sick people things. What that consists of he has scarcely a clue, since he doesn't know what's wrong with her. Tylenol probably, maybe tissues. Cough drops? Was she coughing? He can't recall. Anyway he'll buy what he finds, help her out.

It's what he would have done for his mother, if he could.

----------

L winds up only eating three of the tarts, something stops him from stuffing his face with the last one. He tells himself it's because he isn't hungry, three tarts are enough. L does not believe himself.

He enters the hotel room, slips his shoes off and scrapes the gum, notes the blackened zigzag pattern. He tries to keep quiet. The floors are carpeted, something that until now he thought was a total waste. They're sapping the sound from his footsteps. Sachiko might stay sleeping.

Too late, she's up anyway, hands cupped around her kneecaps, and he doesn't think she means it but she's sitting just like him. "Ryuzaki," she croaks, "where were you?"

"The store!" he snaps nervously, feeling caught and wrong and criticized, she's said nothing but he's bristling for a fight. As soon as he feels it he gives up, deflates. "I was getting breakfast, and, um…" He holds out his purchases, dumps them with a clunk onto the coffee table. "I bought you some medical supplies. I don't know if they'll help or not."

Sachiko stares down the array, giggling softly. "You really thought of everything," she says. "This pretty much covers all my symptoms." L's embarrassed but he doesn't blush, that's beyond him, that's silly, after his outburst he's shutting down his feelings. It's nothing special anyway, he hardly looked in the store, just snapped things up and scrambled out of there. He bought exactly what he'd planned to, plus earplugs to keep out the noise of her children. They're yellow; a color that seems to suit her, she's wearing a yellow shirt after all. "Thank you," she says, "I really appreciate it."

"I'm glad," he says quietly, pointing to the real gift, the tarts. "Have one of these," he insists, knowing that she'll have no appetite. He's pretending not to notice, not to care.

But she takes it, perhaps feeling better, perhaps just wanting to please him. Whatever the reason, Sachiko takes the tart to her mouth, gets whipped cream on her bottom lip. She licks it off and for some odd reason he thinks that's adorable, for some odd reason he considers kissing what's left of it away.

What comes into his brain after that is _what the fuck no, _he can't believe he's even formed the thought. _Kiss her? _Why would he even _think _to kiss the wife of a co-worker? Or for that matter, anyone? That's not meant to be a part of L's life, his life's about work, he's a detective with no real spare time. Who is he to even contemplate a normal life? He isn't normal, he can't _have _normal, normal is completely out of reach. This wouldn't even benormal anyway, if he were to…wasn't he just thinking he'd have done for his mom what he's doing for her?

L will not kiss Sachiko, nor will he toss her out like his brain is screaming he should do. That would make things obvious, that would clue her into something going on. The last thing in the world L wants is for her to know he's transformed into a pervert. So he excuses himself, says, "I apologize but I've got work to do, I have to prepare for the next meeting." This is true. It's getting close to when he ought to get started. "You can sleep for a little longer, if you want," he says. "Please, feel better."

----------

After another nap Sachiko is functional if not wonderful, and she decides it's time to head home. The kids might want her for something, and anyway, she's been here far too long. Ryuzaki's earlier emotional meltdown has likely left him craving solitude, she understands and she'll permit it, step outside.

So she takes the bus home, steps inside to greet a hyperactive daughter. Sayu's exploding with nervous glee, yelling "Mom guess what guess what?!"

Sachiko blinks, laughing slightly at the girl's exuberance, glad she's got something to be so happy about, no matter what it is. She coughs and kicks her shoes off, asks just what it is she's meant to be guessing. "This girl came over to see Light, right?" Sayu says, nibbling on the plum she's been carrying. "She was wearing this really skimpy outfit, and she had bleached hair and all this make-up. I'm not sure but I think she's a model or something. Light says she's his _girlfriend, _and they're up in his room right now!"

This is nothing new, Light's had a lot of girlfriends for a boy his age. When they discovered how smart he was they expected him to be unpopular, a bully-plagued nerd, but thankfully this hasn't been the case. Girls love Light because he's gorgeous, and boys have always respected him, if grudgingly. Sachiko is not surprised that Light has a girlfriend. She is surprised, however, that Sayu cares so much and that this girl is a model. Light normally pursues girls with a more intellectual bent. And so she says, "a model, really?" tries to respond to her daughter's excitement.

"Yeah, I think she's in this magazine called Eighteen, and she's like an actress or something, she was in commercials and movies and stuff. I think. Is Misa Amane a common name, maybe there's more than on that looks the same…?"

Sachiko laughs, stops herself before she hugs the girl, she doesn't want to get her sick. "That doesn't seem likely Sayu, it's probably the same girl. Thanks for telling me though, he and I are going to have to have a little talk when he's finished. And I'm going to want to meet this girl."

"We could get her autograph and sell it on eBay!" Sayu yelps, about to drop the plum pit on the ground. Sachiko shakes her head, directs her to the garbage can. Sayu shrugs, says "be nice to her when you meet her, okay? I know you don't think _anyone's _good enough for Light, but she's probably nice enough."

"Of course no one's good enough for Light," she says smirking, "the only girl who could be good enough for one of my babies is another one of my babies, but that's just wrong." Sayu giggles, gives Sachiko a light punch in the shoulder, and heads off to her room. When she's gone Sachiko goes to the kitchen and loads the dishwasher in an attempt to absorb herself in something normal.

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Nana: Heh. Sachiko was so based off my mom in that last scene. Anyway, I hope you had fun with this. Things are actually moving along now, L thought about kissing her! Who knows he may even do it one sometime soon! (Or she'll kiss him? You get to know later.) Please leave me a review, I adore the feedback I'm getting for this fic. Have a great day!


	9. Shrimp Chips

Nana: Welcome back, oh fabulous readers. You guys are amazing, I mean it. Anyway I hope you enjoy the coming chapter. If you know me, you will not be one little bit surprised by what happens next, but believe me guys, it was my beta's idea. So yes, infinite thanks to Iron Chief for suggesting what I wanted to write about but was trying to avoid, and for all his help with this chapter! Also thanks to everyone else who's commented. I am quite surprised anyone wants to read this pairing, but I'm pleased.

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Kids

Chapter Nine – Shrimp Chips

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Light tries hard to keep from cackling, he must be a god if things are falling into place so perfectly. He hadn't been thrilled by Misa's intrusion or the way she skewered his intentions. He had been ready to write her an excruciating death, to scream her out or do _something, _but she's got the eyes so she's perfect, she can take L down tonight. Well not _tonight, _that'd be suspicious, but she'll get the name, this is going to be so easy! "Misa," he says, hands on her shoulders as she blinks, her heavy make-up staining the skin below. "Do you understand what you have to do?"

"Of course!" she squeaks, voice choked with devotion and Light's slightly disgusted, but that's okay, he'll ignore it, use her. Misa smiles blankly and keeps talking. "When L and everyone show up, Misa will get ready to go, and you'll introduce her to your parents. While that's going on I get L's real name, we go outside like we're gonna kiss or something, and I tell you his real name? Was that it?"

"Yes," he says, rolling his eyes at her momentary lapse in grammar. "Yes, that's exactly what we'll do."

---------

Sachiko leaves them alone for an hour or so, pretending she's content doing the housework. Curiosity's crawls like a spider through her mind, she's dying to know this girl who her baby deems worthy of dating. She drops a dish that doesn't break, it's plastic, but she's obliged to wash it once again and that's annoying, she's distracted. She hopes Light will remember all they've taught him, how to treat a girl like a goddess and the importance of wearing a condom. He's old enough to have sex now, though the thought makes her shudder he is. Sayu's getting close to that age, too.

Sachiko wastes time playing music, tapping her feet in a lame attempt at dancing. That tires her fast, she's still sick so she stops, drags a book out. The dishes are finished and if she doesn't keep busy she'll burst in there, break up their fun and anger her son. The book is dull so she sets it down, tries to recall what this model girl looks like, if her personality shone through at all in the magazine. She can't remember and there's nothing left but to worry. The topic begins to bore her, and her mind turns to Ryuzaki.

And now there's something else she needs to worry about. She puts her head down on the table and sighs, she has probably made him sick. He'd spent hours breathing her infected air; she'd coughed in his face as he cried to her. The boy barely sleeps, and he doesn't seem to eat too well, his immune system is probably shot and _goddamn it. _She should call him. She should, and she will, but not just yet, Sayu's come in looking for a notebook. "Have you seen it?" she asks, thumbing through the basket of magazines and bills on the kitchen table. "It's green, it's got my homework in it…help me look, okay?"

"Sure sweetie," Sachiko mumbles, standing up to search for it. She's not sure if being forced to wait is a relief or an agitation, but either way, she's Sayu's mother. Sayu and Light and Soichiro ought to be her focus. They're not, right now, but they should be.

---------

The last thing L wants is to skip the meeting. Matsuda and Light have news to report and he's itching to hear it, and he knows that they won't do well without him, that Light will have a field day with their feeble brains. This is why he doesn't _miss _meetings. This is why he rarely takes a break.

For a time he thinks that he _will _make it there, after all Sachiko took the bus to his place and was all right after a few hours sleep. For a time he thinks he actually feels well.

He doesn't. He feels like shit. He's caught her disease and he can't believe that she could function sick like this. His head hurts so bad he thinks he's broken a bone up there, he can't summon the energy to move and he's shaking, coughing uncontrollably. This all came on within a couple of hours, and if it didn't take such a monumental effort just to find the phone he'd go. But the brief trek drains him, he has to sit down on the floor and do his very best to breathe. L won't make it to the meeting. L will call Yagami's cell and tell him this, call Watari and ask him to set up a video feed. Providing, of course, that he stops coughing long enough to speak.

---------

The call comes at the last minute, when everyone's assembled and they're wondering why Ryuzaki's late again. "I'm further away than he is, and I always get here on time," Matsuda whines, his arms outstretched on the back for the couch. Aizawa nods, says he had to feed his kids before coming and guess what, he's on time too. Yagami gives them a look in hopes of quieting them, he can't hear Ryuzaki past his coughing and the taskforce's ranting. After five minutes spent trying to figure out what's being said to him, Yagami hangs up and sits down with the others, slumps over in the chair. "This will be an unusual meeting," he says. "Not only is it taking place in my home, which I'm still not quite used to, but Ryuzaki will not be joining us. He's apparently very sick and can't make it."

The taskforce blinks, some of them had not quite believed that that could happen. "He should have told us that sooner," Aizawa says, angrily drumming his fingers on the arm of the couch. "We'd have been able to prepare better if we knew we'd be working alone."

"He apologized for that," Yagami says. "It came on rather suddenly, and he mentioned something about hardly having the energy to dial the phone. Watari's coming to set up a video feed for him, but he won't be speaking through the computer." After this Matsuda groans, and the rest of the task force doesn't look thrilled either. "Don't get discouraged," Yagami says. "We can get through one meeting without his input. We've solved plenty of cases without him, and it's not as if we're looking to solve this one tonight. I'll go get Light, okay? That way we're only short one person."

They assent to it still grumbling, they've grown dependent on the word of L. Yagami ignores them, and saunters off to get his son.

---------

Sachiko pokes her head out from her bedroom door, Soichiro's noisy footsteps have jerked her out of sleep. She'd hoped for some rest so she wouldn't be a crabby bitch when the men arrived, but that's not to be, Soichiro's stomping and scowling and Light's trailing behind him with a lacy tramp on his arm. Sachiko stares openly, counting on the vague notion that her position, relative to the doorway, will keep her out of sight. Of course, that's probably bullshit, but look at this _girl, _she's stuck to Sachi's son like a parasite! "Oh Light darling, it's so nice to meet your father," she coos, in a voice that's high-pitched and grating. Judging by the absence of blood in Light's ears Sachiko's willing to bet they weren't doing much _talking _up in his room.

So, instant loathing, instant judgment. But she'll go out there sweet and smiling all the same. After all, she'd started off thinking Ryuzaki was insane and annoying, so who says she can't be wrong?

---------

"Where's Ryuzaki?" Light asks, hoping he's in the kitchen, the bathroom, anywhere but not in this house at all. His absence is glaring; Light's trying his best not to look nervous. Misa's not helping, clinging like that. Goddamn it.

"He's not here!" Matsuda chirps, and this is obvious, Light wants to whip out the Death Note and kill him right here. Matsuda laughs and elaborates, says "Ryuzaki's sick."

_Face palm, tear your hair out, start screaming. _Light's mind scans through these reactions and discards them all. There's a small twich in his jaw but it isn't obvious, all he says is, "that's too bad. I wish him a swift recovery." And then he says, "I'll join you in a moment, I just have to walk my friend to the door. Is that alright?"

He gets a thumbs up from Matsuda, a disgruntled eye roll from Aizawa, and nothing from Mogi or his dad. Ryuk is laughing at him. So Light heads for the door with Misa in tow, he's nearly there when someone taps his shoulder. _Mom._

---------

"Light _darling_, were you planning on letting her go without introducing me?" Sachiko asks, her voice a sugary miasma. She turns to the girlfriend, asks "what's your name, dear?"

"Misa Amane," she says waving briefly before latching onto Light again. "I'm Light's girlfriend!"

"Oh really, how lovely!" Sachiko says, grabbing roughly for her baby's hand. "I'm enchanted to meet you, truly I am. I'm his _mother." _

Light's glaring, but Misa doesn't seem to notice that the kindness is actually passive aggression, an inept attempt at hiding her disdain. She just grins and says that she's enchanted too, and it sounds like she doesn't quite know what the word means. Then Light points out that it's getting late, and that he'd like to say goodbye to her, alone. Of course. Sachiko may not like the idea, but her son's a horny teenager, of course he wants a little action before his girlfriend goes. "Just hurry up," Sachiko says. "Your father is waiting for you."

---------

It takes everything Light has to keep from shrieking. He balls his fists and grinds his teeth for half a second, does he best to relax so he'll keep his voice down. He closes the door behind them just in case.

His plan had been so simple, so easy, so _flawless _except…except L isn't acting like L. L wouldn't skip a meeting for sickness, L would deal with it and do his work. He must have somehow known about Misa, must have known that he'd faked sick in the beginning and now he's just…screwing with him. And everybody knows about her now, because he'd planned for L and Misa is an idiot. _I'm his girlfriend, _what the fuck was she thinking?! L has to die before he gets in touch with the taskforce. He will make this happen, he will find a fucking way.

"Misa," he says, gripping her shoulders like he'd strangle a neck. "I don't know what to do right this minute. I need to see what happens at the meeting before I act in any way. But I will call you, and you need to be ready to do whatever I say. Do you understand?"

Misa nods, says that he can count on her, she'll do anything and he doesn't have to worry. Light's not so sure but he lets her hug him, waves limply as she skips off down the street.

---------

Sachiko stops off in the living room, telling herself she means to greet her husband, greet them all, but she's lying to herself, all she cares about right now is checking in on Ryuzaki. She needs to be sure she didn't get him sick, and that he's okay after the incident earlier. She needs to know if he wants anything special to eat.

But he's not here.

"Honey?" she says, sidling up to the husband, acting sweetly due to guilt she can't explain. She's done nothing wrong, not exactly, but what she has done is secret, anything to do with Ryuzaki is. And so she kisses Soichiro on the cheek, asks where the shoeless weirdo is and if anyone wants anything to eat.

"Food would be great," Matsuda says, enthusiastic and Sachi doesn't feel like serving him, she wants to know where Ryuzaki is right now. But she asked, so she smiles and says she'll bring something out soon. She doesn't want to repeat her question, doesn't want them to think it matters too much but she's not getting an answer. So she clears her throat and stands around looking antsy, prompting Soichiro to actually tell her.

"He's sick," he says, "so he won't be coming."

She'd expected this, but it stings her all the same. "Is he alright?" she asks, jumping to ridiculous conclusions before she knows what's going on. He wouldn't skip work if he could make it, if he's sick due to her it can't be that bad but he doesn't eat well, doesn't sleep and oh _shit _if it's anything serious it's _her_ fault"I um, I mean, I hope it doesn't last too long, it'd be awfully inconvenient for the investigation, wouldn't it?"

The taskforce nods, say they know, they know, it sucks but it's so, they'll manage. "He sounded pretty bad over the phone," Soichiro says, "but I'm sure it's nothing, and we'll manage without him for a day or two if we need to."

"It'll probably take longer than that," Sachiko says, sitting on the arm of the couch. "His immune system's got to be shot, with the way he takes care of himself. If he's sick he's not going to get better in a day or two."

Soichiro turns to look at her, wrinkles his forehead and frowns. "How do you know how he takes care of himself, Sachi? You've only seen him once or twice. There are things you could infer I guess, but that's kind of an odd thing to say."

Scrambling for a cover-up, Sachiko grins and taps her feet, pulls loose threads from the couch behind her husband's head. "I, um…well I just, like you said you can infer things I…" Her nervousness is making him suspicious she knows, he's going to think she's fucking him or something, they'll have to hash this out tonight, but for now they're in public, she just stalls and stalls until Watari walks in, here to set up a video feed for Ryuzaki to watch when he ought to be sleeping.

"I'll go get some food," she says, excusing herself to the kitchen. Sachiko plucks a bag of shrimp chips from the cabinet, throws it in her husband's lap, and heads for her room, face flaming.

---------

Nana: Well, L's sick. I swore to myself at the beginning that I wouldn't make him sick, but it happened anyway. Oh well, that makes things more interesting for me, and hopefully for the rest of you too. I'll try and get the next chapter out soon, though paper writing season approaches and I'm not sure how much time I'll have for fic. But don't worry, I'll update as soon as I possibly can! Love you guys!


	10. Papaya

Nana: I am so sorry this took so long. It's been nearly a month and I need to be shot. Things have been very hectic lately, and they're only just starting to slow down. I wrote most of this in between customers at my temp job, so here's hoping that my own editing and my beta's help have rendered it readable! (Well, more than that. I think it's good, actually. Yes, I have an ego.) Anyway, on with the show!

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Kids

Chapter Ten – Papaya

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It's 4 AM and the taskforce hasn't left yet, 4 AM and Sachiko's still staring at the clock, not sleeping. She had planned to conk out before her husband joined her, to avoid a ridiculous confrontation where she'll sound like she's lying when she really is not. She hasn't done anything Soichiro could possibly object to, the worst she's done is make Ryuzaki sick and oh _God _she hopes he's okay. He could be. Perhaps it only hit him lightly, and he had sense enough to sleep it off so as not to make it worse.

Bullshit. He's probably coughing up blood.

4:30 comes and Soichiro fills the doorway, apologizes for it going on so long. "Ryuzaki seems to have become the final word on everything, so it was difficult to make much progress without him. Light was the only one not dragging his feet and delaying things—his only class tomorrow is at 6 PM, by the way, so he'll be able to get enough sleep. " Sachiko could kiss him for that non sequitur, she loves that he knows what's important to her. But then, he'd have to, they've been married so long.

"That's good," she says, laying back on the pillows and closing her eyes. "Good night, dear. Well, not night but you know what I—"—he grabs her arm.

"Sachiko," he says gruffly. "About what you said before, how did you…how did you know that about Ryuzaki? I don't mean to belabor the point, but you seemed so nervous after you said that, so…I'm curious. Enlighten me, please."

The blood drains out of her face and she knows she needs to calm down, that if she doesn't he will really think she's sinned. "I…" she starts, playing with her hands and sighing loudly. "I _inferred _it, like you said. It doesn't take a genius, honestly if you look at him for five seconds you'll see what I mean. He's got enormous bags under his eyes, he's pale as death, his posture's terrible, and he went out in the rain without _shoes. _You don't have to know him well to guess that he doesn't take care of himself!" She sighs again, drums her fingers and says, "honestly Soichiro, this is very offensive! I mean for God's sake, I make one little comment and you jump down my throat. Do you just not trust me, because you can say so if you don't."

"Of course I do, I…" he trails off, he doesn't and he should, she really _hasn't _done anything to make him suspicious. What right does he have to accuse her of anything, he's the one who's never in the goddamn house—well wait, he hasn't said anything yet. But he will, she's shaking with rage and Soichiro is nothing if not observant. "I hate to make you angry," he says, "but your reaction to this is making me wonder. I just asked you a simple question, Sachi, and you're…well I may as well ask, are you sleeping with him?"

Sachiko tries to control herself, she doesn't punch him but she pinches his arm, hisses loudly. "What did you just say?" she says, thinking maybe she misheard him. She is not married to a jealous freak, she is married to a calm and stable man. "Soichiro, what did you just ask me?"

"It's just that you're reacting so strongly," he says, bowing his head to stay her anger. "It sounds like you're hiding something, you're probably not but just…just tell me you're not sleeping with him so I don't have to think about it, okay?"

"Of course I'm not!" Sachiko snaps, turning away from him, pulling a sheet over her head, she wants to send him to the couch but that's silly. "No," she says, quieter now. "I would never do that to you. I _love _you."

And then he says, "I love you too," and they proceed to ignore each other for the rest of the night.

----------

When morning comes she can't take it any longer, her whole sleep is shot with dreams of Ryuzaki. She doesn't care that Soichiro's home now, that she could spend time him for once if she wanted. She doesn't care that he'll suspect her even further if she goes. In a way she almost _wants _him to, she wants to be caught doing something that up 'til now would never have occurred to her. They are fucking in her head and it _is _fucking, it's revenge on Soichiro for doubting her after how good she's been, how devoted. And then she remembers who Ryuzaki is, how he's awkward and nervous and strange. If they were to have sex she'd make love to him, show him everything she bets he doesn't know.

She doesn't banish these thoughts, she's still angry and she's been months without sex, this is normal. But she will not allow herself to act on them. She will not betray her husband, and anyway, Ryuzaki's sick. She's going to go take care of him, and that is _all_ that she will do.

----------

Late morning arrives and L still hasn't slept, no matter what he tries he can't shut down. It's important that he does, he knows that he won't recover quickly without rest. He doesn't have _time _to be sick right now, but to his body and his brain this doesn't matter. His head still feels like it's being steadily beaten with a sledgehammer, he's not getting up any time soon.

A knock on the door makes the whole thing worse, and it doesn't stop when he ignores it. Resentment boils and he knows he's being ridiculous; he just hates that he has to make his way to the door. Every step takes decades, he is panting and exhausted by the time he arrives. "H-hello…?" he croaks, leaning against the wall to support himself. "Who's there?"

"Sachiko," she says, and it takes him a minute to decide if he should let her in or not. They know he's sick but they don't know how badly, and he doesn't like the idea of her reporting to her son that he's pathetic. But time passes and she knocks again, he lets her in.

"Are you feeling better?" he asks, coughing harshly despite vain attempts to suppress it. "You look much better…is there any special reason why you're here?"

She shakes her head and frowns at him with great concern. "Oh, Ryuzaki…" she sighs. "You look awful. I'm so sorry; I made you sick…I should have thought of that before I came over earlier. And this is taking time away from the investi_gation, _oh…I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Are you alright?"

L shrugs and says he's fine, tries to make it seem as if his trip back to the couch is not a trek. "There wasn't any need for you to come," he says. "You were just recently sick yourself, you should still be resting, and even if you won't I…" He stops, coughs again and lays down, hugs himself to keep from shaking. "Y-you…don't have to be sorry…it's okay, I'm okay."

He gives up talking, bursts out coughing again. "You know," Sachiko says, ignoring his platitudes and sitting down so his head touches her thigh. "I've never once seen you lying down. I almost didn't think you did that."

And that makes him feel just terrible, first off she sees him as inhuman, and second, he really _shouldn't_ be lying down. He can't think straight in this position, maybe since he's sick he can't anyway, but this isn't helping. He should be probing her for facts on Light, using her and not…not having such a keen awareness of her thigh against his scalp. "I guess," he croaks, coughing harder. "I do though, as you can see."

"There's a bed in here," she says, gesturing towards the perfectly made bed, mint and hotel business card still lying on the pillow. The answer is obvious but anyway she asks, "do you ever use that?"

"No," he mutters, wondering if the heat from her leg will make his head hurt more or less. "There's too much pressure to go to sleep, then. I'd rather not think too much about my failures."

Sachiko nods, says "okay then," and proceeds to lift his head into her lap. He ignores the stab of pain that movement causes him, tries instead to figure out just why she's done this thing. He claws for maternal associations, at least that would make _some _sense, but his mother never did this. This is a _woman's _lap. _Shit. _

"The elevation should help you breathe better," Sachiko says, stroking his hair (which is disgusting, when was the last time he bathed, what will she _think?!) _"It seems like you're having some trouble with that."

He accedes to this and it scares him, this disease is in his lungs. And he caught it from Sachiko, hadn't she just had a cold? Clearly it's hit him much worse, but what can result from that? Pneumonia? No, he'd know if he were that sick. Maybe it's a different bug, something he caught by coincidence. Influenza maybe? Something worse? He should probably go to a doctor, but it's not like he has time. He needs to be well enough to work by tomorrow.

"Try to sleep," Sachiko says, hands still weaving through his filthy hair. "No pressure."

Thank God he's too sick to feel much, thank God he's parted ways with his sexuality long ago. It doesn't mater that his face is mere centimeters away from her nether regions, he doesn't feel anything, right? Right. He'll do his best to go to sleep.

----------

Hours pass and he's _still _not sleeping, Sachi's trying to figure out how to gracefully and unobtrusively move. Her legs hurt, and though he does cover his mouth she's getting tired of being coughed on. He's doing this every few seconds now, and some of the fits last a while, so by this point it's pretty much continuous. His throat must be killing him, poor thing. Sachiko finally gets the nerve to stand up when the doorbell rings.

It's Light, and for a moment Sachi's horrified, she thinks her husband's sent her as a spy. But then she remembers they're all working together, that this is probably about the case, not her. The second she relaxes though, she sees Misa behind him, and it takes everything she's got not to pull Light to her chest and order that skankbag away from her baby.

So she's standing smiling like an idiot, wondering if Light will question the fact that she's here. And he does, of course he does, he says "Mom, what are you…?" and stops. It isn't necessary to finish the question, she knows.

"Well," she says, playing with the hair band she's been storing on her wrist. "I heard he was sick, so I thought I'd see if he was alright. Maternal instinct and all that, you know."

"Awww!" squeaks Misa. "That's so sweet! Isn't that sweet Light? Isn't your mother just such a nice person?"

"Yeah, uh, Mom, how'd you know where he was staying?" Light asks, pushing past her and taking off his shoes. She'd forgotten to do that herself, around Ryuzaki manners seem inappropriate, but she does so now so as not to look rude in front of Light.

"Your father told me," Sachiko says. Light eyes her incredulously, and Sachiko tries not to shrink under his gaze. This is _Light, _her _son, _the one who had screaming nightmares and wet the bed on a regular basis until he was eight. She will not let herself be intimidated by a single withering look. "What brings the two of _you _here?" she asks, deflecting things and it sounds like she's blaming him, she feels bad because he's only here to help.

"Dad wanted me to drop off some documents for Ryuzaki," he says, waving a large paper envelope in her direction. "Misa's along for the ride—she didn't have anything better to do. Ryuzaki!" He calls, striding inside with Misa behind him, Sachi grabs her arm. Misa turns around and pulls away,

"Hold on," she says, "I want to talk to you."

Sachi doesn't know what she wants to talk about. All she knows is that it's bad enough Misa's contaminating _her _baby, she can't _stand _the idea of this girl getting near Ryuzaki too. Also maybe if she gets to know her, she'll find reasons not to hate her so. Light's not a slave to his hormones, there must be something that he sees in her besides her looks. "We'll go to a nearby coffee shop, I'll buy you something, okay?"

Misa looks decidedly uncomfortable, she's clawing for Light and this makes sense, it's no fun to be stuck hanging out with some old lady—your boyfriend's _mom _no less. Poor kid. Sachiko really needs to give her a break. Hadn't Soichiro's mother hated her at first? She knows how this is, she can be sympathetic, ease up on the girl. "You can meet up with Light later," she says, smiling wide and meaning it. "They're just going to talk shop anyway. There's no point in sticking around."

The girl's about to protest, she's flailing until Light gives her a look, a signal of sorts. The kid communicates well without words, even Misa who seems rather dense picks up on it. She nods, and follows Sachiko meekly out the room.

----------

It isn't easy to keep a blank look on his face when he's trying not to run out there and kill his mother. Light thinks that he is showing a remarkable level of self-control and discretion. He would be proud of himself if he didn't have to concentrate on keeping it. He walks inside.

"Ryuzaki," he says, placing the packet on the coffee table and crossing his arms. "I don't mean to be rude, but you're going to have to come back soon. As I'm sure you're aware from watching the video feeds, we're not getting anywhere. So have a look at these documents and see if you can come up with anything to make up for lost time, okay?"

L picks them up with shaking hands, coughs a bit before he talks. "Did you read these, Light?" he asks. And Light shakes his head vigorously, says he was told that they were confidential and that's something he respects. Really, he only didn't look because he had no choice, this was sprung on him so fast he couldn't plan around it. L will check for fingerprints, and if Light didn't hand it in at all they'd know. Just like they'd suspect him if he'd insisted that Misa come inside. He'd agreed to far too much that screwed him over, he's furious and he'll be shocked if he gets out of here without pummeling L.

L sifts through the papers, not giving away the slightest hint as to their contents. His face doesn't change and he is silent save for coughing. This gets Light so mad he almost snaps. How _dare _L have been telling the truth about his health, how _dare _he prove Light wrong! But he keeps his muscles locked tight and says nothing. L isn't socially adept enough to note a problem.

After a century or so the disgusting little fuckface speaks, says "Light, I'd like you to know that our suspicion against you has risen by six percent."

"What?" he says, using his panic to appear innocent. He needs to sound as if he's shocked here, like he can't imagine why they would suspect him. "Did I do something wrong?" he asks. "Do those papers say something, what did I do?"

"You'll know soon enough," L says, dismissing the subject with a cough and a wave of the hand. Knowing it matters to Light but not caring.

"Okay," he says with a guarded sigh. "That's incredibly unfair, so in retaliation I have something to ask you. What was my mother doing here? She barely knows you, her excuse made no sense and you…do _you _even know? Did she just show up here?

L nods and says that yes, that's exactly what went down. "She is under the impression that I'm unable to care for myself, and it boosts her self-esteem to do it for me. You and your sister make it clear that you're too grown up for your mother, after all."

"My family life is absolutely none of your business!" Light yells, thinking he can let off some steam with this, but holding back before he hits him. He doesn't care, what he cares about are ruined plans and getting caught, going home and killing off some criminals, but still, it is irritating, it's a reason for his hands to form the fists that they'd been aiming for all day. "Listen," he says, "I have homework to do. I'm out of here."

And so he stomps to the door, leaving L to a fantastically long coughing fit. Light thinks, for a moment, that he should help him, it doesn't look like he can breathe, but then he thinks that if he starts to die, he'll let him.

----------

Nana: Their relationship is getting decidedly more sexual, is it not? I still can't believe I managed to get them in the same room together, let alone contemplate sex. Soon, it may just actually happen…you'll have to wait and see! And everyone's suspecting poor Sachiko… Anyway, please leave me a review! My birthday is tomorrow (May 20th) and it'll make me really happy to get some reviews as a gift! (Shameless, I know! Love you guys!)


	11. Mocha Frappuccino

Nana: I think writing these last few chapters has cursed me, because now _I'm _sick. (Don't worry, it's more like what Sachi had than what L has, I'm not half-dead.) Anyways, here's chapter eleven. I hope my execution made sense, and I hope you enjoy the story to come! Thank you all for your wonderful reviews, and thanks to Iron Chief for beta-ing again!

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Kids

Chapter Eleven – Mocha Frappuccino

----------

The coffee shop is dingy and unpleasant. Sachiko knows of a nicer one nearby, but it's more expensive and Misa's not worth the money. The girl doesn't seem thrilled to be stopping here. She is, if not well-dressed at least expensively so, and that indicates that she can afford better on her own. Oh well, she'll have to deal with it or leave.

They head for the register, and Misa orders the most expensive items she can find. Sachi sighs but says nothing, there's no point in fighting and she can afford the ornate fruit salad, the heaping frappuccino. As long as she can tolerate her son's new beau by the end of it, it's fine. She orders a small coffee for herself, and they sit down. "So," she says. "Light hasn't bothered to tell me how the two of you met. Care to fill me in?"

Misa shifts uncomfortably, pops a blueberry in her mouth to avoid answering. Maybe it's something she'd rather not know about, maybe they were drunk and he took advantage, maybe they were somewhere that a mother wouldn't want her son to be. Maybe he bought drugs from her, bought her body, how the hell is she supposed to know?! "Um…we met in Aoyama," she says, after much deliberation. "It was a love at first sight kind of thing."

Sachiko doesn't believe in such things, to her love at first sight means wanting to hit that, but she'll let it go for now. "That's nice," she says, stirring sugar into her coffee, thinking idly that she usually takes it black. "Misa I don't mean to be rude or anything, but you are Light are very…different. It's a little difficult for me to understand what you see in each other. Don't you think you'd be happier with someone you have more in common with?"

"Opposites attract," Misa states, as if she has years of experience to back her up. Sachiko suppresses an eye roll, she knows that while they may attract, they don't last. She's had enough boyfriends to back her up there. She has a lot in common with Soichiro, and that's why they've been together all this time. _(Though if similarity is the key ingredient, why haven't they had sex in months? Why can't she get her mind off Ryuzaki?) _Anyway if that's all there is, the girl will be gone within weeks. Sachiko doesn't really need to try too hard to like her.

Misa continues to speak, much less nervous than she had been. "Our differences aren't a big deal, Misa likes everything about Light whether it's the same as her or not. The only problem is that Light is fighting against Kira, and Misa supports him…but that doesn't matter too much."

"You…support Kira?" Sachiko moves slightly away as she says this, it's hard to see Misa as sane now that she's said this. Not that Sachiko's given it much thought, she's banned it from her brain but all the same, Kira's _evil, _right? How could this girl…how can Sachiko in good conscience let her son date someone who supports a monster? "W-would you mind telling me _why?" _

"My parents were killed," she says, eyes to the ground and oh God, it's one thing to comfort Ryuzaki about his mother, she _likes _him, she can't possibly do the same for this skank! "And the man who killed them was allowed to go free. Kira killed him. He _deserved _to die, and Kira made it happen. But I love Light more than I love Kira, so I'm not going to try and stop him from fighting him. I just wish he would."

"I…see…" Sachiko mutters, taking a sip of her coffee and looking down too. They pass the rest of their time there in silence.

----------

On the way back Sachi finds herself wishing she had music with her. She's never taken anything along with her, she's always thought the natural world, her own thoughts, and a little conversation were more than enough. But her thoughts are frightening, the conversation strained and awkward. It's raining again. All she can do is listen to Misa complain about this and nod along, she isn't here and she doesn't care.

Here's what she cares about: Kira. She never wanted this to matter to her, she'd made a point of blocking out all thoughts of this, but how can she remain impartial when everyone she cares about is somehow tangled up in it? Her son is dating a Kira-supporter for God's sake!

Is this relevant? It does seem slightly suspicious that a Kira-supporter just _happened _to hook up with a member of the task force—completely at random! With lame clichés for reasons why! Should she tell Ryuzaki, would this be important to him, should she…?

Why did she think to tell Ryuzaki before her husband?

Sachiko doesn't have to think too hard about that one. There's not question, it's just there. She likes him. God _damn _it.

----------

It's over a week before L feels well enough to do anything. He'd spent the previous days lying on the couch wide awake, coughing so hard he'd sometimes vomit. He'd wasted hours debating whether to use a stronger but foul-tasting cough medicine, or stick with his current stuff that tastes like candy. Aside from panicking about not getting enough work done, he hasn't thought of Kira once.

But when the fever breaks and the coughs abate, he's furious with himself. Despite his previous inability to stand without fainting, he's convinced that he's been lazy, that due to his selfishness and stupidity the investigation has been irreparably set back. And so the minute he can move he gets to work, thinking that the first thing he should do is switch hotels. He's spent ages in this place, he can't stay here.

He still feels like an invalid though, and frankly, he's not sure that he can do this without losing consciousness. He cannot, for the moment, place trust in his body. Usually he'd call Watari, someone who he knows won't take advantage of his weakness, who he doesn't really have to explain himself to. But Watari's on his way to England, doing business for the orphanage, perhaps checking in on Mello and Near (Mihael and Nate, they should enjoy their time without subterfuge for as long as they can!) But yes, Watari's gone and work people aside, he doesn't _know _anybody else. Except, perhaps, Sachiko. Is she the kind of person he could ask to help him move? Can he trust her enough for this?

After excessive thought and a dizzy spell, he settles on yes. He will call Sachiko, and ask for her assistance.

----------

Sachiko had had plans to see Chie, her friend from high school, on the day that Ryuzaki calls her. Despite not having seen Chie in seven years, Sachi finds herself postponing something fun—shopping, mocking a god-awful movie, and general catching up—for something menial and boring. Because she wants to see Ryuzaki. Because she can't bear the thought of him attempting this alone. It'd be too much work, he'd be courting a relapse, Sachi's thrilled that he was responsible enough to call her. And so she cancels as politely as she can, asks a hurt and irritated Chie if they can do this thing another time.

That settled, she walks outside to help Ryuzaki, makes a quick stop at the coffee shop for a couple of those mocha frappuccino things that Misa had when they went there. Despite the decrepit décor, what they served looked good, and will probably prove useful. Ryuzaki's throat probably feels like an open wound, and this drink is cool and smooth. It's also caffeinated, which she thinks that he'll need, and cloyingly sweet, which she knows that he'll want. She gets one for herself for the hell of it, and heads for the hotel.

----------

When she arrives almost nothing has been accomplished, all Ryuzaki's done is drag a suitcase out and open it. He apologizes before she can comment, promises to start packing immediately. "I got tired," he explains, shrugging feebly as he loads up his supplies.

"Ryuzaki, stop that, just sit down!" Sachiko says, snatching a shirt from his hands and folding it. "I didn't come here to watch you pack, I came to do it for you. No offense, but you still look awful, and I'm sure you feel the way you look. I want you to rest while I take care of things, okay?"

He shakes his head, "that's ludicrous," he says. "I called you to oversee things take the trip with me in case I faint. I can pack my own bags, I'm not _pathetic._ You're not my mother, Mrs. Yagami, you don't need to do everything for me."

Not his mother. That was rude but on the mark, she's been mothering him like crazy. Because her own babies just don't need it, because he's a walking billboard with 'take care of me' scrawled across. But Ryuzaki is more than just her surrogate baby. He has beautiful hair, his curved back is growing on her, she is _attracted _to this man. Mother and lover combine in her mind, there's no role she could play that would not involve packing his things for him. And wait, Mrs. Yagami? That's her name but it doesn't fit, she's Sachiko, Sachi. Her own person and not just a wife.

"No," she says, "I'm not your mother. But hasn't anybody ever helped you with anything since you were five?" Sachi leaves out the _'since she died'_ but Ryuzaki's sober expression lets her know he understands.

"Yes," he says, sitting down on the couch so hard and fast she isn't sure if he's accepting her offer or just too weak to stand. "Yes they have. I'd never have accomplished anything without it…I'd probably be a drug addict, actually." And she bursts out laughing at that, the image of Ryuzaki snorting coke is hysterical for some reason. It makes her think that they've resolved this, that he'll accept her help so she says,

"Then in the interest of keeping you off drugs, how about you stay where you are, and I get these things packed, okay?"

----------

It's a few hours before they get to the new hotel, and by the time they do L's utterly exhausted. Despite Sachiko's attempts to minimize his workload, and despite the caffeine-and-sugar bomb that came with the frappucino, he is sleep-deprived and still not feeling very well. When they find the room he barely makes it to the bed before collapsing. (There's no couch, which annoys him to no end, but he'll deal with that later.) For a time he lays in silence, trying not to catch Sachiko's eye. She's staring at him, lost in thought, and he doesn't want to interrupt her, wreck the silence. But she speaks.

"Ryuzaki," she says, lying next to him and pulling away immediately, as if she's come too close to something that disgusts her. He feels a stab inside him when he sees this. He doesn't want to care, but…anyway she's still talking. "There's something I need to tell you. I don't know if it's a good idea to say it, so I want you to focus more on trying to sleep. You are in _desperate_ need of sleep. Anyway look, this is going to sound ridiculous, but I…" She stops. This makes him horribly nervous. She _what? _

"I think I may have feelings for you," she mutters, curling slightly into herself as she speaks. She's nervous, too. Which makes sense. People tend to get nervous when making up outrageous lies. L does not respond, just chews on his thumb and waits for her to mock him or explain. "It's not that I want to, I'm married and it's completely wrong but I…I can't help it. I think about you more than I should, I want to _see _you more than I should. I'm not asking you to do anything. I just thought that you should know. Just in case you have feelings for me too."

After hearing this L is certain he will never sleep again.

----------

She is gone from him. She is giving him 'time to think.' He doesn't _need _time to think, he needs her to decide this for him, this isn't logical and he doesn't know how to connect to his feelings. He doesn't know if he wants her, if he is capable of transcending morals, of being somebody he's not. Maybe Ryuzaki would want this, or Ryuga Hideki. But not _him, _not L Lawliet, this person is a detective and that's it.And those names are extensions of the detective. They are fake. _He _is fake, L Lawliet is _fake_. He is not a human being if he doesn't want this.

He's not supposed to be one. He is a detective, a successful one, a remarkable thing to be. He has a whole institution full of kids clawing to be him. Isn't that enough? He can't hold onto that if he gets sucked into a relationship, especially not one that's bound to put a strain on the current case. This is Mrs. Yagami, Chief Yagami's wife! It would be absurd to take her up on it, there is no logic backing it at all.

And there might be sex, too. He is totally inexperienced; the most he's done is masturbate, alone. L is 25 years old and hasn't had a girlfriend or a first kiss or anything, he has cut himself off from all of that. Because it's completely useless, he's a detective, not a man. He's socially awkward, slightly repulsive, he couldn't be with someone if he wanted to. Sachiko must be out of her mind.

But he wants to change. He wants to learn about sex, about people. He wants to be a human being, what he might have been if his parents hadn't died, if Watari hadn't snapped him up and made L something more than a letter. He wants to know what he's been missing, what normal people make the center of their lives. Sachiko might be the stupidest person in the world to try this with, but it's the only chance he'll ever have. And if he gets closer to her, maybe she'll reveal something about Light.

That's it. The answer's yes. If she doesn't change her mind and abandon him, he'll tell her that yes, he has feelings for her too.

----------

Nana: After…what is this eleven chapters now? After eleven chapters, they've _finally _hooked up. Not quite. I'm still not sure how to pace this, but this is the biggest step forward so far. Anyway I hope you liked what you read, and I hope I actually pulled this off in a way that made some kind of sense. Please review, and I'll update as soon as I can! Have a spiffy day!


	12. Cream Puff

Nana: Oi, this took forever. Apologies all around, I've been lazy and brain dead and this chapter took discussions with several people to figure out at all. So thanks as usual to my awesome beta Iron Chief. Also thanks to Katy, my spectacular sister, for not throwing things at me for bringing this fic up for the millionth time, to Reka for helping so much with plotting, and for chiisana inori, for not only allowing me to beta her awesome L/Sachiko fic (coming soon! I think it's called Desserts! Check it out!) but for helping me plot in return for my so-called 'help'. (T'was a _pleasure_.) And as always, thanks to all my wonderful reviewers! Read on!

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Kids

Chapter Twelve – Cream Puff

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He doesn't tell her. He's still planning to, as soon as he sees her, but as time goes on he finds more and more reasons not to do so. He's distracted by the case, devoting days at a time to the pursuit of Kira. Feeling less and less like a human being the further he strays from Sachiko.

He pretends it doesn't matter, didn't happen. That Sachi never asked him, that they never even entertained the thought. And it isn't avoidance, it's not that he doesn't _want _to speak with her, it's not that he's _afraid _it's just, he hasn't got the time. They are closing in on the biggest development so far, they have all the evidence they need to nail the second Kira, they just have to time it right. L is 98 percent sure that she's the second Kira, which makes him 100 percent sure that Light's the first—he won't say that, it's too inflammatory, but it's clear in his head and that's what counts, for now.

And it's the _case _that counts, too, not this ridiculous fantasy about Sachi—Mrs. Yagami. She's married, this isn't _possible _let alone reasonable. The whole thing was conceived in a fever _(his literal fever was far gone by then) _Mrs. Yagami herself must have been on drugs. Or still sick, or _something…_perhaps she's mentally ill. In any case it's an awful idea. He tries his best to block it out.

----------

Soichiro is home, albeit briefly. He doesn't speak to Sachiko, just crashes into bed and falls asleep. As always, Sachiko is torn between sympathy _(he works so hard, probably hasn't slept in days and he must be exhausted) _and rage _(how _dare _he ignore her the one time he's home, how dare he not place her as his highest priority!) _

Today she tries her hardest to get angry. Because if she's not mad then she's just guilty. An adulteress, a monster who takes all her husband's love for her and hurls it to the ground. Breaks it. She was incensed before that he thought so little of her, what now? What now, when she's actually opened the door for betrayal? He made her feel like a princess at first, he's given her two beautiful children and the means to raise them with. Even though he's too busy these days (and having age-related erectile difficulties) she's had the best sex of her life with this man. And it was great because she loved him. Loves him. She does, still.

And yet she can't help wanting Ryuzaki. Can't help hoping he will call. Knowing that the sex will be unbearable, that she'll come to hate his oddities, knowing this will wreck her life but not…not caring. Wanting it anyway and feeling miserable with guilt.

----------

_"I might be Kira," Light said, staring at his hands like they were murder weapons._ _"I could be doing it in my sleep. You've got to lock me up, Ryuzaki. I need to know if I'm Kira or not so I can get on with my life. I'm begging you, just lock me up and keep an eye on me, please!"_

Absolute. Fucking. _Bullshit._

This is a set-up. Though acting as Kira may require or even cause a slight drop in mental stability, Light Yagami is not insane. He cannot possibly believe that he's Kira if he isn't Kira. What, is L supposed to believe that Kira is some other personality? Disassociative Identity Disorder is almost always caused by sexual trauma, and L's found none of that in Light's background. There are exceptions of course, but they would have seen symptoms. This is absolutely out of nowhere. Maybe they're meant to believe that he's too impulsive to control himself, or that he has magical powers he's yet to reign in. And he wouldn't have reacted to the stress of being a suspect in this way. Any way you look at it, it's bullshit. Light is Kira and he wanted this to happen.

This throws a wrench in his plans, he's not going to get a real answer out of this. Light has utterly screwed him over. Despite himself, that isn't what he cares most about. Yes, it's awful for the case, but if he gets some sugar in his system and he takes some time to think, he can make this work. What he cares about is Sachi's reaction. Half of her family will be locked up for months, and no matter how it's explained she won't be happy. L doesn't like that. He shouldn't give a damn, but it means more to him than almost anything.

He will give Soichiro a chance to go home and discuss this with her. Though it feels unprofessional, L convinces himself that it's fine. Soichiro chose this for himself, and he can be trusted to return.

----------

The door creaks open, her husband's home again. Sachi hadn't known that he was gone this time, she'd thought that he was sleeping, she'd stayed in the living room watching TV so as not to wake him up. Her head is swimming with absolute trash, it's three in the morning and she's exhausted. Not sure if she can handle seeing Soichiro right now.

But he walks in on her, invading her space and all she wants to do is get away from him. Sachiko doesn't want to confront her issues directly; all she wants is to brood on her own. It doesn't matter though, Soichiro's here. And he sits down on the couch beside her. "Sachiko," he says. "Sweetheart."

The pet name almost starts her sobbing, she's torn between hating him for showing almost no affection for months—_years!—_and feeling horribly guilty for betraying him. She just doesn't know how to feel. _Sweetheart. _Sachiko pulls her knees to her chest.

"You're probably not going to like this," he says, wrapping an arm around her. It's thick like the branch of a tree, and she used to melt into this, but she can't. She just can't. She doesn't ask what she won't like, so he continues, says, "Sachiko, Light and I aren't going to be around for the next few months."

This zaps a bolt through Sachiko, she stiffens and turns to face him, says _"excuse me? _Where are you taking my son without consulting me?"

"It's for the case," Soichiro explains with a slight hitch in his voice. He had to have known that she'd hate this. That she would never accept _'the case' _as an answer, not when it comes to her baby. Soichiro, fine, it's his job to go off and leave her, but Light's too _young, _this is dangerous and she will not have him put in harm's way. Or have him gone from her for ages. Sachiko balls her fists, says no way in _hell _is Light leaving. Soichiro sighs, leans back on the couch. "I don't know that there's a choice. I'm not happy about it either Sachi, but he's needed. I need someone who can't be identified as a member of the task force, and I also need someone with great intelligence. A genius. The only other person I could take is Ryuzaki, but he's got other things he needs to work on. Don't worry too much, though, it's only meetings, and I'll protect him with my life. You trust me, right?"

Sachiko nods. She doesn't trust him, if she's a liar than he must be too, but she says nothing. Buries her face into his tree-trunk chest and tries her best to keep from crying.

----------

L sits gnawing on a cream puff, wishing he'd picked something harder, something that would hurt his teeth. He feels his brain is being pulverized, he can't concentrate on work at all. His thoughts should be consumed with Kira, what's just happened is horrendous and he's got a lot to do. But all he's thinking of is Sachiko. How she took the news, if she's okay, if she still wants to see him even slightly.

He wraps the cream puff in a napkin, throws it out and goes to grab some hard candy. He will not be as soft as his dessert. He will not.

----------

Later, she's angry. Later, when Soichiro's gone, she throws her room into chaos, screams into a pillow because to scream out loud would scare Sayu. Light is gone without saying goodbye, and while Sachiko knows it's due to timing, she's furious. Her own son doesn't love her enough to say goodbye, her own husband doesn't give a shit what she thinks, her entire life is _Kira Kira Kira _and she knows she signed up for this, knows she should have married someone else if she didn't want this but _who cares!? _This is not what she wants; she wants her kids, her husband, a normal life like the one she always planned for, and barring that she wants Ryuzaki!

Ryuzaki. He still hasn't contacted her. She has scared him off. That doesn't mean though, that he never wants to speak to her again. All it means is she's got to put in the effort, she's got to pick up the phone and call him, demand an answer. She presses the phone to her face, her heart playing xylophone with her ribcage. And she waits for him to pick up the phone.

----------

Nana: I'm sorry, I'm a jerk for stopping at a cliffhanger like this. I figure that if I do this, knowing more or less what happens next, I'll be able to get the next chapter out sooner. Also, more seems out of place. Anyway, I'll try and get this to you as soon as possible—I'll be away a lot in the next month, but depending on how the trips go, that could mean I get _more _done. I hope you all enjoyed chapter twelve, and that you'll leave me a nice tasty review in return.


	13. Mint

Nana: Hello hello, and welcome back! I apologize for the length of time this took—if I were home right now this could have been up much sooner, but as it is I'm in Japan. And shall be in Canada quite soon after I return. Once I'm home again I should start updating more regularly!

Less people than usual reviewed the last chapter. Obviously I'm not going to threaten to stop writing or anything like that, but it'd be really nice if more of you could review. There is nothing on the Internet that makes me happier than hearing from you guys.

Thanks to Iron Chief for his mad beta-ing skillzorz, and to the nation of Japan for using more or less the same electricity system as the USA, so I can write on my laptop!

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Kids

Chapter Thirteen – Mint

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The others are gone when the phone goes off—it's hideously late and nothing's happening, the task force is composed primarily of those who sleep. L is sitting alone in front of the monitors, watching Light and Soichiro sleeping too. Both snore loudly, and L is tempted to switch off the audio. He decides instead to answer the phone, divide his attention between a voice and grating noise.

And the voice is sweeter than anything he's heard all day. He shoves the thought aside, but still, he thought it. _It's Sachiko, thank God. _And really, _thank God. _Because he was never going to call her, he'd have lost his chance if not for this. "Hello?" she asks, "Ryuzaki are you there?"

"Yes," he tells her flatly. "Yes, I'm here."

He's terrified, trying not to let that slip into his tone. Gnawing on his thumb until she speaks. "I know you've probably got a lot going on right now," Sachiko says, slightly choked. "But I was wondering if maybe you could spare some time to talk to me."

"I have time," L says, wonders after if that sounded too abrupt, if he cut her off and this is making him look impolite or desperate.

If she's annoyed she's silent about it, Sachi just says that that's good, she's got time too, and she's sorry for calling so early. "It's okay," L says, glad the hour is unnatural. It's a good match for whatever is about to occur. So far, nothing's happening. _How are yous _occur, and _what have you been up to's, _but there's nothing substantial, nothing real.

"Listen," Sachiko says, cutting short their nervous (bullshit) pleasantries. "This is going to sound stupid, but I have to see you. I said I'd give you time to think, well I _gave _you time. It's been long enough, I…I need an answer, okay? So I can decide what kind of person I'm going to be from now on."

L agrees, says he needs more time but he'll meet her. When she asks him where he makes a conscious decision to thwart himself, he picks the gate at To-Oh University hoping she will think of Light and stop. Because L won't stop. He's already making excuses to leave his post here, already cramming his feet into ill-fitting shoes and heading for the door. "I'll be right there," he says. He hates himself for it, but he will be.

----------

_What kind of person will this make me?_

Who will I become if I go through with this?

_Is there any way to reconcile 'wife and mother' with 'cheating, cradle-robbing whore?' _

Can I still call myself the world's greatest detective if I compromise the case like this?

_He's young enough to be my son._

She's old enough to be my mother.

_Will I lose my husband (my security) or my children (my identity) if I'm found out?_

How can anyone respect me after this? I'll lose my credibility!

_How badly do I really want this? _

I'll make a fool of myself during sex.

_What if I get pregnant?_

Will she still make me cake if this fails?

----------

Sachiko stands by the gate, picks paint off the bars as she waits for him. She is mortified by the way that she's dressed, she doesn't know what possessed her. Ryuzaki is probably coming to call it off, and when he does she'll have to face the facts, she's not good enough. She will walk home in her nicest dress, alone. Her carefully made up face will smear with tears, and she will look ridiculous. There is no way Ryuzaki will say yes, and this thought has turned her into a quivering school girl. She hasn't cared this much in years.

He doesn't leave her stranded. He shows up, hunched and shifty-eyed, but she wouldn't have wanted anything else. She shouldn't have dressed up, she should have shown up the Sachiko he's come to expect, should have gone out dumpy and ugly to kill the chance she'd wreck her life. But instead she's wearing heels and make-up, a black-and-pale-blue dress that makes her husband hard. She's embarrassed, doesn't look Ryuzaki in the eye. "Hi," he says. "Hi," she says.

They stand staring at each other for a time, Sachi with a smile plastered to her face. Neither one knows what to say, so Sachi finally breaks it, blurts out the first thing that comes to mind. "Misa's a Kira supporter," she says. "My son's girlfriend."

Ryuzaki nods, "I know," he says. And then they fall into silence again. Sachiko knows she should question this, ask how he knows but she doesn't. She just stands there staring at him. Decades pass and finally he asks why he wanted to see her. While he does he's trying pointedly not to look at her outfit, her far-more-visible-that-usual breasts. He has an erection, this makes her feel proud.

"I just wanted to talk," she says, too quickly. "I don't think I need to say what I want to talk about."

Again, he nods. Tells her he doesn't know what to say. "I like you," he mutters, "and I want to try this out, it's just…not the smartest course of action. You're married, and I have an extremely time-consuming job, this'll compromise the case and I…you look beautiful." He stops talking, then, too embarrassed to continue. Sachiko smiles, moves in to put her arms around him and ignores his stiffening shoulders.

"Thank you," she murmurs, closing her eyes and holding him closer. "We should do this. I promise it'll all be okay. No one will find out, and we deserve this. We're more than just detective and mommy-wife, Ryuzaki, we're _people. _We need lives outside our duties,so let's make it happen, okay?"

Tentatively, Ryuzaki puts his arms around her too. Nods into the air above her shoulder. He says nothing and she grabs his face, pulls him towards her. Eases up when she realizes she shouldn't be the one to start this, it should be the man, the unmarried one, it shouldn't be her fault. But it already is. It's too late to change anything now. And because it's too late, she pulls him even closer, presses her lips to his and wonders if this is Ryuzaki's first kiss. Recalls her own first kiss and the last one she had before this. His lips are chapped, this isn't enough, she wants tongues in mouths and hands on crotches, wants all out sex right now. But she'll go slow for Ryuzaki's sake.

He puts his tongue in her mouth, though, lets her taste the sugary rot of his teeth. He hadn't brushed them, probably hadn't expected this to happen. Sachiko had scrubbed hers shining, she must taste more minty than human, and now she feels _she's _in the wrong. For brushing her teeth. She pulls him as close as she can without pulling him inside her, and lets her tongue lead his in a clumsy waltz. And then he pulls away.

"Are we going to have sex?" he asks, bewildered and small-voiced and scared. It's clear he hasn't a clue how this works, that he's out of his comfort zone, out of his mind. For the first time since her son started speaking, Sachiko feels intelligent, competent. She likes this.

"Not until you're ready," she assures him, stepping back and taking his hands in her own. And then he blinks, gulps repeatedly, dithers nervously for ages until he finally says,

"I might be ready now."

----------

Nana: That was, in all likelihood, the only kiss Sachiko and L have ever shared in the history of fandom. (If I'm wrong, inform me immediately, I've been looking for L/Sachiko stuff since I started this fic, and I've found nothing.) Anyway I apologize to those of you who thought that it would have been more interesting from L's point of view. Sachi's experience is closer to my own, so I thought I'd be able to write it more authentically. Anyway I hope you liked this chapter, and that you'll leave me a review!


	14. Lollipop

Nana: Warning, this chapter contains sex! It's not anything really objectionable, I don't think, but if you don't feel like reading a sex scene, you may want to skip this chapter. (Though if you're confused as to what's going on after doing so, please don't blame me.) I normally wouldn't even warn about such things, but I think anybody with firing brain cells can probably tell from the last chapter, so it's not spoiling anything…which also means there's no point to warning you, but whatever! On with the chapter!

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Kids

Chapter Fourteen – Lollipop

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The argument that stems from this takes maybe twenty minutes, Sachiko knows without question that this is a lie. It's a simple argument, _no you're not _and _yes I am _with no real explanation. Ryuzaki could probably logic his way around this, but he doesn't try. Maybe he couldn't. Maybe the subject has sapped him of his usual prowess, maybe he is, for once, being ruled by his dick. But he's not ready, emotionally. This would make her feel almost like a pedophile, ravaging an unwilling little boy.

But he's not a little boy. He's gripping her wrists and leaning towards her, dragging her into yet another kiss. Ryuzaki is strategically altering himself to appear confident. She knows this is a lie, that really, deep down, he's not ready for sex…or maybe it's she who isn't ready. This is a betrayal of Soichiro, after all. She's gone far enough to crush him, already. This will only make things worse.

Ryuzaki kisses her ear, nibbles it a bit too hard and he doesn't know what he's doing. It warms her to him. He says again that he swears he's ready. He will do this just for her.

"Okay," murmurs Sachiko, releasing her ear from his teeth, stroking his face with her hand. "But don't blame me if this scars you for life."

----------

The human species could have evolved significantly in the time it seems to take to get to the hotel. L isn't sure if this is dread or anticipation, Sachi's right, he's scared to death. But excited, too. He's about to join the world of normal people.

He pretends, as they go through check-in, that this is something he's doing for research, for the case. That he will somehow find out more about Kira through having intercourse with his mother. It's the lie he's been clinging to since he first felt anything for her, it lets him stay calm, kill his visible emotions and kill his guilt, too. But he knows that's not why he's doing this, not anymore. All he wants is for her to touch his penis, really.

They walk in on opposite sides of the hallway, L disappearing briefly into an enclave that contains vending machines and ice. A few coins later he's sipping on strawberry milk. It's a distraction, a way to stall. Sachiko checks her purse for something, and they stand out in the hallway, blinking. And finally, she takes the keys from his hand and opens the door.

----------

They enter the room and sit immediately on the bed, Ryuzaki in the most extreme pose he can possibly manage. And that hurts her, Sachi gets his defenses, but she hates them all the same. She wants him to let go entirely, give himself up to her so that this will not feel like rape. It won't be, he wants this, he _said _he did, but she can't go through with this unless he means it. "Ryuzaki," she says, taking his hand and bringing it down to the bed. "Are you absolutely sure about this? I don't want to force you into something you're not ready for."

Ryuzaki shoots her a glare, says he's not a child, he's twenty-five and most people his age have been fornicating for years already. "I'd like to get this over with," he says, and when she isn't thrilled with this response he back-tracks, says, "I mean my first time, not sex with you. I would like to be free of the burden of virginity."

Strange way to put it, but alright. She takes out her supplies, sets them aside and pounces on him, pounds him down into the mattress.

----------

Somehow, they both wind up naked. It happens so fast L can barely process it, and he doesn't concentrate on what's going on now, he just focuses on the quick removal of their clothes. The process of it. How Sachiko has changed from complete human being to _breasts _and _vagina. _Her breasts are smaller than he thought they'd be, and he wants to touch them more than he thought he would. He satisfies said desire, amazed that she's letting him, that she's not shoving him off yelling, "you're disgusting!"

She does push him off, but it's not to insult him, just to move his hands lower. "Leave the breasts alone for a bit," she says, guiding his hands, teaching him how to make her feel—what? What is she feeling now? This is nothing special for her, nothing new. All he can provide is mediocrity. She's moaning, slightly, is that good or bad? He doesn't know, so he stops in case it's bad but she says to keep going. And so he does, hoping he's cut his nails close enough not to hurt her. Worrying that his fingers will stink of her for eons afterwards. Wondering if he's supposed to use his tongue or something soon.

Sachi doesn't ask him to. Instead she reaches for the drawer beside her, for, he assumes, a condom. So they're really going to do it now. What she picks up, though, is far more familiar to L than a condom. It's a lollipop, and he's almost repulsed by this: how could something so ordinary invade this twisted space that they've created? It reminds him of the rest of his life. But Sachiko will put a new spin on it. She unwraps the lollipop, sticks it in her mouth and dyes her tongue red, holds it like a dick and tongues the hell out of it. Says, "this is what I'm about to do to you."

"T-that…that looks like it would hurt," he stammers, knowing that he sounds ridiculous. She promises him it won't be quite as hard, and pops the candy in his mouth, pushes him further into the bed and burrows down. Takes his pulsing hard penis into her mouth and paints the length of him with her tongue. Pokes his perineum, strokes his balls.

This feels wonderful, and he knows what's coming next, he just can't quite grasp it, mentally. Physically, he's grabbing strands of Sachi's hair, pretending that this means he knows what he's doing, that he will not somehow ruin everything. But L is clueless, not in his optimal thinking position, not in control or even understanding. Sachiko looks up and smiles at him, says she's going to get the condom now.

----------

Of course she's not as sure as she makes it seem. This is the worst sin of her life, but she'll ignore it for now, give in to the experience. Let Ryuzaki go on childishly believing that there's someone in control. She has a past with this, she's had sex before, and she's older. Aside from that she has no credentials, no right to take charge of another person's nervous first time. No right to betray the man she pledged her soul to long ago.

But Sachiko pays these thoughts no heed, instead she rolls the condom over Ryuzaki's dick, positions herself to be penetrated. Wishes she had the penis so she wouldn't have to give instructions, so she could sink into him without a thought. Because thinking about this is painful.

Ryuzaki perches over her, balls swinging slightly, making her laugh. She's never seen him more crazed and undignified than he is now, and she likes it. She likes that she has changed him, she likes the power. And she likes the way it feels with him inside her. "You know what to do now, right?" she asks, stroking his shoulders, and he nods, rolls his eyes, he isn't stupid. Probably watches enough porn to know the drill.

And so they thrust into each other, Sachi moaning with the heat that pools her belly, Ryuzaki silent and hunched with his face pressing uncomfortably against hers. She grabs him, adjusts him, and it's over in less than two minutes; the bed is now sticky with sperm. Sachiko suppresses the urge to roll her own eyes. She should have expected some kind of screw-up, Ryuzaki's main concern was getting through it, not her pleasure or his, just doing it. And he's scared to death, so of course he came too quickly. There is no reason this should fill her with such bitter disappointment.

"Did I do something wrong?" he asks, already beginning to dress himself. "You don't look as ecstatic as one would imagine you should. I must not be doing it right."

She shakes her head, smiles and tells him that it's nothing he can't fix the next time.

----------

Ryuzaki has to leave, he has work to do and he's taken too much time away from the job as it is. He's sorry about it, or so he says, but he practically flies out the door. And Sachiko's glad of it. The inevitable mental torture session is setting in, and she doesn't want to look at him, poison him with her guilt and her pain. Though he should be feeling guilty too, it's wrong to make love to your co-worker's wife, especially if you can't even satisfy her! But, that's irrelevant. It's just in her head to curb the guilt.

She rolls over, shuts her eyes into the pillow and tries her hardest not to cry.

Her hardest, of course, isn't good enough.

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Nana: Hopefully nobody was too sickened by that. Personally, I think it's the best sex scene I've written so far, and they're damn hard to write, believe me. I'm not sure when the next chapter is going to be out, hopefully it'll be soon, but school is starting soon and I'm going to be busy. Also, the aftermath of this is going to require a good deal of thought. If anyone has any suggestions, let me know! Love you guys, and please leave a review!


	15. Nanaimo Bars

Nana: Well, school has swamped me, as expected. But it didn't take as much time as it did in the summer, I guess because I'm forced indoors more often, and I work on fics when I'm pretending to listen in class. Anyway, this chapter isn't going to be quite as intense as the preceding ones…I thought this story could use a bit of a cool down. Enjoy, and leave me a review!

Thanks as usual to Iron Chief, my most excellent beta, and to Reka and Zamochit, who helped me plan this damn thing out. And thanks to all of you who are reviewing this thing. You're amazing.

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Kids

Chapter Fifteen – Nanaimo Bars

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It's as if nothing has happened. L's universe does not implode, when he walks back to his post it's all the same. Even the images on the screen have not changed, Light and Chief Yagami are still snoring. Loudly. For a moment he can't understand why they don't know, why they're not shouting at him, why Watari isn't giving him a stern talking-to with implied congratulations. Of course they couldn't know; it's ridiculous to think they would, it's illogical. L is finding it increasingly difficult to use logic lately. His brain has moved into his penis, and all he wants is to have sex again.

He imagines himself doing well this time, lasting for ages and making her moan. When he looks at Misa on the screen he pictures Sachiko with her young body; pictures Misa making out with Sachi in a pink bikini; Misa going down on Light; Sachi and Soichiro bringing home a newborn boy and no, _no, NO _this fantasy has got to stop right now! This woman has emptied his mind of all rational thought, but she's _married, _which means untouchable, off-limits, _not his. _She has a history with her husband, children. What she has with L pales in comparison. And what is this _Misa _perversion, she's a prisoner for God's sake, what the hell is _wrong _with him? Is he really so disgusting that all he thinks about is sex?

It sets in with a brutal thud, he can't see her. He's a detective; he can't afford to lose control like this. He will reduce her to her proper role—the Kira suspect's aging mother—and never see her again unless he has to for the case.

----------

Sachiko wastes days with compulsive cooking and cleaning. The cooking is for Ryuzaki, who doesn't call or contact her. The food fills her shelves and her daughter's stomach, the girl gains weight on all those cookies. She looks up recipes from other countries, learns to make Nanaimo bars and crème brule. All for Ryuzaki in hopes that this will somehow bring him back to her. Because he isn't calling and he isn't picking up his phone.

The cleaning is not for Ryuzaki. She's let things lapse since her husband left, but he will, she hopes, (or does she dread it?) be back soon. And Soichiro should come home to a clean house. Not because he's a neat freak, but because it's basic courtesy, and because when she doesn't clean he gets sick. Allergies, and minor ones, but all the same.

Despite her self-chastisement, Sachiko spends a whole lot more time cooking. She tells herself it's because it's more exciting, that baking these desserts takes creativity and cleaning doesn't, that the joy they'll bring Ryuzaki is more incentive than her husband not sneezing. But Sachi knows that that's not why. It doesn't matter what she's doing, all that matters is doing something for Ryuzaki. Anything.

She doesn't miss Soichiro. She wants to, she'd kill to feel she did but she can't. She misses Ryuzaki, and her son. She wants them back so bad it hurts her heart, but she doesn't miss Soichiro. Of course she hopes he'll come back safely, of course it would kill her if anything happened to him but she…she does dread it. What if he finds out what she's done to him? How will he react, will he leave her? Could she take that, does she want that, does she want to be with Ryuzaki?

If Ryuzaki won't answer her phone calls though, it doesn't matter what she wants. If he doesn't answer the phone, and Soichiro finds out, she's screwed. This makes her want to cry, and if it happens then she knows she'll have to cry alone. Because Soichiro was the only one who she ever showed her feelings to. Because she cannot cry in front of Ryuzaki, or her kids. Or anybody, anymore.

God, what has she done to her life?

----------

L sits across from Chief Yagami, unsure of whether he ought to be proud of his plan. Because Light is certainly human and almost certainly Kira, he will do anything to survive, even reveal himself, even kill his own father. No matter how much it would cost him, Light wants to stay alive, and even if he doesn't, it's hard to beat your instincts. It takes an exceptional person to give your life up for the greater good. And Light is not that kind of exceptional. This is where he differs from L.

"Are you sure you're willing to do this?" he asks the chief, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot. His thighs ache from sitting this way for so long, but he can't change his position. He has to maintain absolute concentration. "I don't want you to have any doubts, otherwise he'll sense it's a set-up. It has to be believable. Are you absolutely sure you can convince your son you're going to shoot him?"

Yagami nods, head bowed and hands clasped as if in prayer. "I can," he says, and L decides to believe him. Because this is the fifth time they've gone over it, because he can't see any other way to end this. He can't keep these people in prison forever, it doesn't help with the case, and Sachiko…no, that's not relevant. Yagami speaks again, says mournfully, "my wife will kill me if she ever finds out."

Of course he doesn't say this, but what he thinks is _not before she kills me first. _

----------

The plan unfolded beautifully, though L can see that it was a horrible strain for Chief Yagami, that he will never forgive himself for holding a gun to his child's head. Light was terrified to the point of wetting himself. At first L wants to bring that up, use his social deficits to excuse his lack of tact, but then he remembers, Light is Sachi's son. And he's been humiliated enough for one day.

L is not sure he likes the outcome. While he's glad that everyone's alive and well, he's deeply disappointed that he hasn't got any leads anymore. He isn't convinced that Light is innocent, the task force wants this to be sufficient proof, but it isn't. Light could be a brilliant actor; he could have known that his father wouldn't really kill him; he could simply have forgotten that he's Kira. After all, who says the power can't pass itself around? Even if it can't, murder is traumatic for the murderer too. Maybe he blocked it out. In any case, he's going to stick to Light 24/7. Because if he knows he's Kira, he _will_ slip up.

And loathe though he is to admit it, he can use this. Light will want to see his mother, which means that she'll find out Light is under suspicion. Which means that he'll never, ever see her again, that she will, in fact, despise him. It's an effortless way to cut her out of his life. There will be no more phone calls that he must resist answering, no more invitations that he must ignore. And Light will talk about her, sometimes. And so L will still have that, at least.

----------

Her kitchen has reached its capacity. Sachiko has moved all the spices, all the cereal, all the pots and pans off the shelves and into the closet, she has cleared her fridge of everything not pie or cake or fruit related. Sayu has declared this ridiculous, and proclaims loudly over the phone that her mother has gone mad. And it's only when she can't find one more place to store dessert that she realizes, she has. Telling herself this was a bad idea, that Soichiro is the only man she needs and the best thing to do is cover it up is useless—she can't believe it on a deeper level. No matter what logic says, she wants Ryuzaki.

And so she loads whatever she can into the car, leaves the heat off and the windows open in the hopes that they won't melt. These desserts take up more space in the backseat than her kids would, and she's ashamed of herself, sure it'll all go bad before Ryuzaki can eat them—if he will. She has no idea how she'll explain this to the task force, but it doesn't matter, Soichiro won't be there and he's the only one who will _care. _

Forty-five minutes and one speeding ticket later, she parks in her husband's parking space, knowing it won't matter, they know her here and she doesn't have time to circle the block for hours looking for a spot. Only then does it occur to her, _Ryuzaki will not be there. _How could he be? She'd never have even _met _him if the task force could meet at the police station! But she has no idea where he actually is, and he won't answer his phone, and here she is driving around like an idiot with a car full of cake!

Crying would make sense, now, but instead she works her way through four or five Nanaimo bars, cramming chocolate in her face until she makes her way back home.

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Nana: In case anybody's curious, Nanaimo bars are a Canadian specialty. They involve chocolate, crumb cake, and custard. They're delicious, though I think Sachiko will probably be puking her guts out when she gets home—just one fills you up to the point of nausea! So yes, leave a review and all that. I love all you guys so much!


	16. Cinnamon

Nana: Welcome back to the story. I'm sorry for the length of time this took—I've got so much homework these days that it's really difficult for me to get much writing done. My beta has a lot of work himself, which adds to the waiting time. But don't worry, I'll update this thing until it's finished, no matter how long it takes!

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Kids

Chapter Sixteen – Cinnamon

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Sachiko tries to delude herself, tries to believe that she is not stuck waiting by the phone. She goes about her day, shoving aside all thoughts of Ryuzaki, Light, or Soichiro, pretending she only checks her cell phone for the time. But after a week and a half of this, the damn thing rings while she's in the supermarket, and it's not her mother or Chie. It's her son, her Light, her baby, and she's just as happy as she would have been if it were Ryuzaki. "Light, honey," she says, holding the phone to her ear by the antenna. "It's been a long time, are you back from work now? How was it?"

"Tiring," he says, and he _sounds _exhausted, she's thinking for a moment that she can enforce an earlier bedtime. "Anyway, we're back…Dad should be coming home any time now, he just has to get some things straightened out at the station."

"That's great!" squeaks Sachiko, not really feeling that way. She'll get to see Light and she'll focus on that. "It'll be great to see you, is there anything particular you want for dinner when you get home?"

"Well," Light says, and already Sachiko knows this won't be good. She moves her phone back into normal position, waits for him to keep talking. Finally he says, "I won't be coming home, Mom."

He may as well have punched her in the chest for all that hurts. She tries her best not to react to it, he's eighteen years old and yes, that's young, but it's not like he's a child. He's grown now, and if he wants to live with his girlfriend, he should. Even if his girlfriend is a mildly retarded slut who supports a mass murderer. "I…" she says, sucking in her breath and searching for something to say. She has to sound mature here. She has to let him go with grace. "This is…short notice…don't you need to collect your things first?"

Perfect display of grace and maturity, right? That was hardly even a coherent sentence. "No, Dad's going to bring what I need later…he's getting a break from work, so he has the time. I don't. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, everything's just been really hectic lately. You're not mad, are you?"

"Of course not!" she snaps, her tone not lending any credit to her statement. But as soon as she denies her rage she doesn't feel it anymore, she's just…empty. Wanting briefly to cram him back inside her uterus, it's just not fair that he has to grow up! "I'm not mad, I'll just miss you, that's all. I love you."

"I love you too," Light says, and she hates how forced he sounds, hates how her mind is twisting his words into something awful. He loves her, how could she ever believe that he doesn't? How could she think so little of him? Of course he loves his mother. He just loves his girlfriend more.

"Will you need any help moving in?" she asks, stepping aside for a woman with three toddlers and a cart full of groceries. "Or is there anything you need for the apartment?"

"No, Mom, but thank you." And with that he bids her goodbye, hangs up the phone and leaves Sachiko wanting to knock over a nearby display case. But she stays calm and gets her groceries, forgoing all the foods Light likes. So she's lost them now, that's fine. She's a tough woman and she can take it, damn it, she still has her husband and daughter. Life will go on without Light and Ryuzaki.

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They've been sitting analyzing data for the past five hours. Normally, L would be fine with this, he's gone ten times longer before, but he's distracted. Thoughts of Sachiko and too much blood pooling a particular part of his body leave him feeling idiotic. He isn't taking in the data, he can't answer adequately when Light asks him a question, and over all this is a phenomenal waste of time. It's not like he can _do _anything about his erection, not with _Light _here. Even if he jacked off in the bathroom, he can't shake the feeling that Light would know, and that he would know what thoughts necessitated it.

This hasn't happened in such an embarrassing, unbidden way since he hit puberty. And nobody minded, then, his youth excused him, but he's twenty-five now, not thirteen. And Light is staring at him. "Do you need a break?" he asks, turning quickly back to the computer. L assures him that everything's fine, only to stop work five minutes later. He asks Light about his family.

Light shifts uncomfortably. "What do you want to know?" he asks.

"I just need a general description of your life at home," L says, sucking three-day-old cinnamon from the underside of his nails. "Compiling a complex psychological portrait of the suspect is an integral part of the case, and one's home environment can have profound effects on one's mental state. Besides," he says, lips curling a semblance of a smile. "We are friends. Friends should know things about each other."

"Perhaps you could tell me something about _you _sometime, hmm Ryuzaki? This friendship is hardly equal." L shrugs, and reminds him that, as he said, he's a suspect.

"I will tell you about myself in due time," L says, licking the last of the filth from his nails. "Today we are going to talk about you. How do you get along with your parents? Any conflicts?"

"Yes, but nothing significant," Light mutters, expression softening slightly. "Things like me not picking up my room, or missing a few points on an exam. Minor things. Once we had a big blow-up fight about whether or not it was appropriate for me to be reading _Lolita_ at age nine…when she saw I was reading it in English, she decided I was smart enough to make my own decisions."

"As I thought," L says. "I find it difficult to imagine you fighting seriously with your parents, or them with you. I suppose they love you a good deal, correct?"

It's quite clear that Light is trying not to stare at him. The subject is making him quite uncomfortable, and L can't quite tell why. It can't be that questions lead to clues about the case, if that were true Light would cover up his feelings. But it almost seems like he _wants _him to see. "Yes," he says finally. "Yes, they do."

"And you love them?" The discomfort has spread; L doesn't want to talk about this anymore. But he started the conversation and he does need to know, for the case as well as for his own selfish reasons. "You told your mother over the phone that you loved her. That was true?"

"Ryuzaki, I don't understand how this is meant to help with the investigation. Yes, it was true." He rolls his eyes slightly, turns back to his work. "We should talk about something else," he says. "No offense, but I don't really want to discuss my parents with you. It makes me feel guilty."

L quickly scans his mind for reasons that such a subject could produce guilt. Perhaps his parents are involved in his crimes, though knowing them both L finds it hard to believe. It would kill him to know that Sachi helped Kira, but all the same it could be true. Perhaps he simply regrets leaving his mother? But why so much emphasis on not wanting to discuss it with _L? _

Does he know what went on between him and Sachiko? He seems suspicious, but that's not surprising, he's got to be on his guard answering any question L asks him. He did see them together once, but they explained that, she was working out her emptying-nest issues by taking care of L when he was sick! And that's what it _was _at the time; Light can't possibly suspect them…no, he can. L would do the same in his position. "Why does it make you feel guilty?" he asks.

"Well, you…" he sighs, crosses his arms and rubs his thumb against his elbow. "I…honestly it makes me feel like I'm bragging. You've never had parents, correct?"

L blinks, knowing he should be offended, but feeling quite relieved. "No," he says, "but that is not relevant. We have to put personal matters aside when it comes to the case. And I'm past the point where parents are a necessity; I am an adult, and anyway, I have Watari. That is more than enough."

Light shakes his head, attempting again to return to the data. L tries too, but he's quickly distracted. He knows he should drop it, but all the same he asks again about Sachiko. "How do your parents get along with each other? Did they fight a lot when you were a child?"

"No," Light says as he furrows his eyebrows. "My dad was never around enough for that." He doesn't say anything more, instead he stares openly at L. "Enough about my parents, okay? I told you, it's awkward and it's a waste of time. If you _must _focus on something other than the data, please ask me something relevant."

"I have _explained _to you how it is relevant," growls L, gulping down the contents of a cup of tea when he's done speaking. He sips so fast he burns his throat and nearly chokes, and he hopes this discomfort will decrease his arousal. It doesn't, and Light makes his awareness of it quite plain.

He knows.

L knows he knows.

And he knows only one way to dissuade him.

He shoots his hands out, deftly avoiding the teacup. Light's hair is in his hands and already L regrets this. All the same, he mashes his lips against Light's, moves over a bit to avoid bonking noses. This will kill his suspicions, make him uncomfortable and maybe, just maybe, help L to think of something other than sex. He shoves his tongue in, runs wraps his arms around his neck and pretends he's Sachiko. This works if he forgets what she feels like, ignores anything below the neck. He pulls away, wipes his mouth off. "Sorry," he says.

Light gapes at him. "Are you _drunk?" _he asks, wiping his mouth with far more vigor than L did. "Seriously, did Watari spike your tea or something? What the hell is wrong with you? Get back to work, Ryuzaki."

He nods, turning again towards his computer. He is still distracted, still thrumming with desire for Sachiko. He tells himself over and over again, _he can't have her. _He doesn't want it to be like that. It doesn't make any sense, but he wants to see her again. Needs to. He can't concentrate on his job anymore; he's losing his mind. He just kissed Light, that's not…it was effective but it's not…god, he just has to see her.

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Nana: Just in case it's not clear, **Kids **has _not _turned into an L/Light fic. There are enough of those already, honestly, and I'd hate to turn what is possibly the only L/Sachiko fic out there into something that there are about a million of. I just felt that, since L is extremely sexually charged at the moment, and since it's a good tactic for totally erasing all suspicions from Light's mind, it was appropriate. It's strategy, people! (And hell, it's fan service, a little. Shh.) Anyway, I hope you enjoyed, and I hope you'll leave me a review!


	17. Canned Coffee

Nana: You folks have every right to shoot me. This is the longest I've gone without updating, and for that I apologize profusely. October was a busy month for me in terms of schoolwork—my midterm exams and papers are all due around them. I literally spent two solid weeks doing very little except studying and writing papers. When I did have spare time, I had to get outside for the sake of my sanity.

November wasn't so packed with schoolwork, but I was doing NaNoWriMo. For those of you who don't know NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month. You must write 50k in one month…for me that equaled a 78 page original story. I had no time to write anything else. But that's over, and I have some spare time until final exams and papers creep up on me. I'm making sure to update before that happens. So yes, I hope you can forgive me, and I hope you'll enjoy this chapter!

Thanks as always to my wonderful beta, Iron Chief!

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Kids

Chapter Seventeen – Canned Coffee

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_Soichiro will be home in half an hour._

It's 2 AM and he has absolutely no regard for her sleep schedule, Sachi doesn't get why he can't just come home in the morning. He knows that she'll wait up for him, that she has to wake up at 6 AM to drive Sayu to the train station for her three-day school trip to Kyoto. She isn't getting any sleep tonight, and unlike some people she knows (Ryuzaki), she isn't very good at functioning without it.

_It'll be twenty minutes, now. _

Those forty-five minutes are spent at the computer, Sachi surfing idly for anything that'll catch her interest. She could nap, but she'll wake up exhausted and irritable. So instead she clicks on random links, checks her mail and screws around until she comes across the blog of someone whining about their inability to sleep. Her own lack of sleep has Ryuzaki's insomnia swimming around in her head _anyway, _so when she hits the link of course she misses him. So much that she has to press her fists into her eyes to keep from crying.

Back on the Internet, she finds the negative impact a lack of sleep can have on you—a link provided by the insomniac's sister tells her this. And Sachiko remembers something she promised Ryuzaki long ago, something he's likely forgotten about entirely. She had, too, until now. She had promised to write an essay convincing him that he ought to sleep, that it would hurt him not to. She doesn't feel good about doing this anymore; she knows he doesn't have a choice, that he knows all this, but all the same. She will write the essay, and whether she gives it to him or not is yet to be seen.

_Five minutes, and he's here early, he is opening the door…_

She minimizes the browser; heart pounding like a teenager caught looking at porn. Soichiro enters the room and comes up behind her, leans in and drapes his arms around her. Sachiko tries her best not to stiffen, tries her best to be glad that her husband has returned to her. This is her real life; she must give up on her pointless fling. "Welcome home," she says, turning around and forcing herself to gaze into his haggard face. He looks exhausted, ugly. He has done a poor job shaving, and his eyes are shot with red. Sachiko does not know how she was ever attracted to this man.

"Thank you," he says, and he kisses her. She finds it disgusting that he has not brushed his teeth, she wants him to go to bed and leave her be, but she stands up. She flattens herself against him, tries to love him as much as he thinks she does. She does, or she will, anyway. This is all she has now. This is all she has a right to.

But Soichiro parts from the kiss, moves away from her. "I need to get some sleep," he says. "I'm sorry, but I have to go back to work again tomorrow, and right now I can hardly even stand."

Relief and rage flood her at once, she wants him gone but she's sick of his excuses, reasonable though they may be. She would never contest his right to sleep, she has never said a word in all their years of marriage, but he isn't there for her, every speck of strength he has is for the job. And he isn't so strong, anymore. He's had a heart attack, his hands look arthritic, _he's old. _ She will focus on this, make her concern for his health mean she loves him.

But Ryuzaki's insomnia still worries her more.

"Good night," Soichiro says, pulling her again into an embrace. He whispers into her hair, "I love you."

Thank God, he leaves before she has to answer him.

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The tension between them would be miserable if L allowed it to become so. Light seems to be deeply disturbed by what happened, he does not speak to L unless it is absolutely necessary, and he is clearly uncomfortable whenever he does. Now they are both distracted, and this isn't good, they have a new suspect now and they need to be on top of it. There's a third Kira now, and this one is worse than the other two. The motive is money and this is atrocious, at least the first Kira had false justice backing him.

At least he's doing something. So much of this case is just sitting around, attempting to reap information from barren fields of paper. This gives his mind time to wander, and now he hasn't got any of that time. L doesn't like where his mind wanders off to. His mind can't seem to remember that while it may inhabit a human body, it is not human. It is a detective, which is more than enough. The goal is ridding the world of a monster, not running into the arms of someone else's mother.

L takes a sip of his coffee, sludgy with sugar, and tells Light that he'd like to review the tape from Yotsuba's Friday afternoon meeting. "Some of their statements were, to put it mildly, intriguing. Will you accompany me to the TV room?"

Without waiting for an answer, he stands and heads out, Light nearly tripping over the handcuffs as he's dragged along.

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Sachiko is alone again, moreso than when the house was empty. At least when Soichiro is not home, she does not feel guilty for not being with him, or feel like they ought to be making love right this minute. It doesn't matter that he's dead asleep, or how estranged she feels from him. They are married and they should be having sex. The fact that they're not makes her nervous, worthless, and in desperation she turns back to the computer.

The word processing program looks awfully tempting at the moment. She starts typing, pulling up her browser every paragraph or so to check her facts. Every sentence brings her closer to Ryuzaki, makes her forget her promise to forget him. She forgets, too, that he has cut off all contact with her; that in all likelihood Sachiko will never see Ryuzaki again. Because he will avoid her, won't he? She must have altered him completely. And if she sees him again, she aims to alter him further. But for the better, like she would try to alter anyone she loved.

She types quickly, ignores the temptation to check her email forty-seven times. The late hour is getting to her, and she has to fight to stay awake, take sip after sip of her coffee. It isn't good coffee, she doesn't even _drink _coffee, but it was the sweetest thing in the world she could find. And she needs sweets, just now. And coffee. Because God, she misses Ryuzaki. And she's a hypocrite for staying up this late.

Within an hour, the essay is complete. She doesn't know what to do with it, now. She could mail it in if she knew where to send it, but she doesn't. She has no idea where Ryuzaki is, or where her husband and son are spending their days. All she can think to do is send the letter along with Soichiro. She knows that would be a horrible idea, that if he read the thing he'd know her secrets. There is more to this essay than there ought to be. Her feelings are blatant, but Sachiko is finding it harder and harder to care. Maybe she _wants _Soichiro to know that she loves Ryuzaki, that she taught him how to make love in a cheap hotel room. That she loves everything about him, even the dark rings beneath his eyes that she wishes he'd destroy with a night or two of solid sleep. That she loves him more than she loves Soichiro, now. Because even though Ryuzaki has cut her off, she knows that he did it because he could not handle it, because it was not safe or smart to be with Sachiko. Not because he doesn't care. And Soichiro…doesn't care. Their marriage is a façade, they keep it up because Soichiro doesn't have the time to think it over, because Sachiko would never dream of divorce. But there hasn't been real love in this house for a long time now.

She can't take this. It's too static. She wants something to happen, anything, even if what happens is that she loses her husband, her kids. She just wants an outcome, whatever it is. She will handle whatever it is, when it comes. For now, she prints the essay up, and places it in an envelope, along with a quick instructional note. Leaves it for her husband to take with him in the morning, and tells him that it's meant for Light. There is nothing unusual about writing a letter to her son, Soichiro won't suspect her for a moment. And besides, he's a man of honor, she knows he will not read the note. She is steeling herself in case he does, though.

Hopefully, her son is as wonderful as she thinks he is. Hopefully, he will follow her instructions.

----------

L is taking a small break from work when Chief Yagami bursts in, clutching an open envelope in his sweaty hands. His eyes are bouncing around in his skull, he's breathing hard and obviously nervous. L wonders if it's connected in any way to the contents. He is tearing the glue off the envelope, fingering the letter inside. Light blinks, greets his father and asks if there's a problem. "It's…not a problem, exactly, at least it's not anything you need to concern yourself with. I just need to speak with Ryuzaki, that's all. Privately."

"That will not be possible," L says, lifting the handcuffs and staring at Light. He turns back to Yagami and asks him if he aims to compromise the case. "Because," he says, "I need to be keeping an eye on the suspect, at all times. I am not going to change my mind simply because you need to speak to me. I've given you a specific time frame in which you may speak to me in private, though of course those hours are not fixed. They depend on Light's sleep schedule. In other words, we can have this conversation when he's asleep."

Neither Yagami nor his son seems thrilled with this, but they assent to it all the same. Yagami presses the sweat-soaked envelope into L's hands, trembling and grinding his teeth as he does so. "Read this," he says. "We'll discuss it tonight. You'll need time to prepare yourself, I'm sure, because I have no idea how you can possibly explain this." And with that, he stomps off, leaving L to feign calm in the face of a brewing apocalypse. He assigns Light a small and menial task, asks him to go over the information they received from Namikawa for the fourteenth time. Once the boy is fully occupied, he takes out the letter, and begins to read. First, there is a note to Light, asking him to pass this note along to L, and not to let his father see it. L thinks it best not to tell Light about this, as it is clearly too late for him to heed his mother's word. He keeps reading.

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_Dear Ryuzaki,_

_A long time ago, I promised that I would write you an essay about all the terrible things that a lack of sleep can do to you. It's been a while since I've had to sit down and write a real essay, as I've been out of school for over twenty years, so please forgive me if the structure is not as exact as you'd prefer. I suppose this is more of a letter than an essay, but I'm sure you'll be more annoyed with my nagging than with my misnomer._

_First and foremost, a lack of sleep can contribute greatly to the development of heart disease and diabetes. For you, this is especially likely, due to your eating habits. I have never once seen you eat anything that I would allow my kids to eat as a meal. Ice cream, cookies, and cake are undeniably delicious, but they lack essential nutrients, and excess could make you quite sick. Excess can also contribute to the development of heart disease, and diabetes. If you don't sleep, or eat properly, you are setting yourself up for it. And those are both diseases that can kill you. A lack of sleep and proper nutrition also opens you up to further things that can kill you—just one of these things will suppress your immune system, both will leave you nearly defenseless. It is not at all surprising to me that the sickness we shared hit you so much harder than it did me. You don't take care of yourself, Ryuzaki, and you don't have time to be sick._

_A lack of sleep can cause mental instability as well. It has been known to contribute to clinical depression, and psychosis. Sometimes, you do seem depressed. If you don't get enough sleep, you could hallucinate, something that could interfere severely with your job. It can decrease your cognitive abilities, something that I'm sure is important to you. You may have sexual difficulties as well—not something you need at such a young age._

_Debilitating side effects aside, you are constantly exhausted and that's clear. It can't possibly feel good to have to force yourself through the day everyday. I understand that sleep is not easily won for you, but perhaps if you cut down on your caffeine and sugar consumption you'd have an easier time. Even if that doesn't help, there are other ways. You could take sleeping pills, there are herbal remedies, there's hypnosis—whatever you choose, there is something out there that will work for you. Sleep is not an unattainable goal. It might not be easy, but it will be worth it in the end. More than worth it. The quality of your life will soar. You may even find yourself with enough energy to find happiness outside of your job. To find love. To become a complete human being._

_So please Ryuzaki, sleep. Sleep, and eat your vegetables._

_Love,_

_Sachiko_

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Nana: I had been planning to write that letter since mid-October, so I was thrilledonce I finally got the chance to write it out. I promise, I will not take nearly this long to update next time—there are finals to concern myself with, but I'm not doing NaNo, and the next chapter is partially written already. Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter, and that you'll leave me a review! Love you guys!


	18. Raspberry Chocolate Chip Ice Cream

Nana: Hello hello, and welcome back to _Kids! _I don't want to beat you over the head with another excuse for not updating sooner, so I won't. Doesn't matter as long as I get it out, right? Anyway, infinite thanks to all of you readers and reviewers, I adore you all for saying such wonderful things about my work, and for giving me concrit, too! You guys rock. Also, thanks again to Iron Chief, my beta. He helped me _a lot _with this chapter.

I hope you all enjoy, and that you'll leave me more of those awesome reviews! On with the show!

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Kids

Chapter Eighteen – Raspberry Chocolate Chip Ice Cream

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L has been alternating between wanting to drug Light into sleep or drug him into wakefulness all day. He is dreading the conversation with Soichiro, but he would also like very much to get it over with. He can explain himself, really, there's nothing wrong with forming a friendship with his wife. It does not have to be a romantic relationship, even though L is sure that that's what Soichiro assumes. They are, after all, years apart in age. Sachiko could be his mother. There is nothing whatsoever pointing to the fact that their relationship is anything but chaste. He will have to admit to a relationship, but that's fine. It is not against the law for L to have a social life.

After what seems like several centuries, Light proclaims himself exhausted. "I'm sorry," he says, "I know we've still got some work to do, but my vision is blurring I'm so tired. You needed to talk to my father about something anyway, right?"

L nods, chewing slowly on his thumb. "If you could push the bed towards the door and go to sleep there, that would be ideal. I would rather not have to moderate my voice to keep from disturbing you, and this will make it possible to me to remain outside of the room while I talk to your father."

Light nods slowly, apprehensively, and assents to this. Most likely, he will listen at the door, and L would rather that he didn't, but there's nothing for it, now. The handcuffs aren't long enough for proper distance, and letting him loose is out of the question. People can feign sleep, and they can wake up from real sleep, too. He will absolutely not allow Light to wander off.

They make their arrangements, and L dials the phone, drags Yagami out from work or sleep to speak with him.

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Yagami stands before him, making a rather obvious attempt not to wring L's neck. L has summoned Watari, too, and he is standing by the doorway, eyeing them patiently with his hands behind his back. L feels much safer knowing that there's a loaded gun in those hands. Not that L thinks it will be necessary. Yagami is a sane and decent man. All the same, it helps. The threat of death is everywhere, and L does his best to make sure he's protected. Besides, even if he tells him not to, Watari will protect L until death claims one or both them.

"You seem distressed, Yagami," L says quietly, wishing he had something to eat as he spoke. He's craving ice cream, but he does not dare send to Watari for something. He tries to focus on his need instead of what's coming, tries to decide what flavors of ice cream would be best suited for today. Yagami doesn't allow him to get past raspberry chocolate chip, however.

"I am," he says, "I am _very _distressed, Ryuzaki. I have been for quite some time now, because of your actions towards my son. Justified though they may be, I'm sure you understand that they cause me a great deal of _distress_. I'm looking forward to see how you'll justify your latest…involvement, with my family. I am less _distressed_ than I would be if it were my daughter, and I'm hoping there is no reason for any negative feelings at all. So please,explain to me, Ryuzaki, why is my wife writing letters to you telling you to _sleep?" _

L keeps a lid on his feelings, refuses to let the nervous breakdown come to boil. He will not let Yagami know that he's perturbed by this at all. "I don't know," he says. "Perhaps I appear sleep deprived, and she is simply expressing her concern. She is missing half her family, after all, so she might feel the need to be maternal in other ways."

The chief isn't buying it. Heavy wrinkles have set in on his brow, and it's obvious that this hypothesis has brought him no peace of mind whatsoever. It takes some time for him to respond, but when he does he confirms L's thoughts, says, "you and I know that there's more to it than that, Ryuzaki."

He says, "I have forged a friendship with your wife. There is no need to be upset or get defensive. My purpose is to further the case, and that's all. I have no intention of using her cruelly; I just want details about your son's life that you yourself might not be able to provide. She's spent far more time with him than you have, after all." Yagami looks more disturbed by this than he has by anything that's been said so far, and it takes L some time to work out why. "Oh," he says, "I didn't mean to insult your parenting skills. It's just, she stays at home all the time, and you work. That's all."

"I don't approve of this at all," Yagami says, sitting down on the folding chair that L has brought out for this purpose. He himself is perched in a cumbersome armchair. He is hoping to make the chief feel humbled. He continues, says, "the members of my family are not lifeless sacks of information, Ryuzaki, they are human beings. You cannot trick my wife into giving you information—_irrelevant information! _She couldn't tell you anything pertaining to the case that I couldn't. She could give you a blow-by-blow report on his toilet training, but she couldn't tell you anything of import!"

"Well, Freudian theory states that a child's toilet training can have great impact on their personality," Ryuzaki says, voice garbled by the finger crushed between his teeth. He does not go any further with this thought, it's bullshit and that's obvious to both of them. He says, "I'm simply trying to get as clear a picture of the suspect as I possibly can. I have not harmed her in any way, and I don't intend to. I think, Yagami, that you are not thinking clearly due to being overworked. If you were thinking clearly, I am sure that you would not have formed such baseless suspicions, and you _certainly _would not have reported them to your superior. Especially not when there is work to be done." With that, he stands and turns away from him, says, "that will be all," with a dismissive wave.

Yagami is fuming, and L knows this won't be the last he hears of it. But for now, he has a case to work on. It needs to get done, and besides, there's no better distraction the world than one's job.

----------

The confrontation is not unexpected. Sachiko has spent every waking moment going over the various outcomes in her head. She has just broken a dish due to a lack of attention, and she knows she shouldn't do the dishes when she's distracted. It's not like this exercise has been helpful in the least. It would have been helpful _before _she sent the letter, but it isn't, now. There is not a single possibility that makes her happy. Whatever happens, something will be lost, and whether there is anything to be gained is unclear.

The worse possible thing that could happen is the loss of her children. Not physically, Soichiro would never take Sayu away from her mother if they got divorced, and Light's already gone. But she will lose their respect, and she can't believe she thought that was okay.

Whatever happens, though, she will simply have to make due. "I'm coming home," her husband had said, "and I want to talk to you." She knows what she means, and she can't unsend the letter. It's too late to change a thing, and Soichiro will be home any moment, now.

She buries her face in her soap-coated hands, ignores the sting in her eyes as she does so.

----------

When Soichiro arrives there is no light anymore. The late hour darkens everything, and Sachiko can't bring herself to turn the lamps on. She sits there, shaking, in darkness. Light would emphasize the wrinkled misery of her husband's face, and she doesn't want to see what she has done to him.

"Sachiko," he says sitting beside her on the couch. He takes her hand, separates finger from finger. This hurts, but she doesn't say anything. "I know that I've brought this up before, and I know that you've denied it, but I have to bring it up again, I saw your letter—"—he pauses, Sachiko's face is turning to stone, so he backs up, says, "I'm sorry. I know I was invading your privacy, but I didn't think there'd be any problem with my reading a letter to Light. I thought you might have been upset about not seeing him, and I thought…I was worried about you." He gives Sachiko a vague smile, one that quickly disintegrates. "Clearly," he says, "I was wrong."

"You weren't wrong!" protests Sachiko, eyes widening before she casts them to the ground. The darkness prevents her from finding small details to focus on. "I do miss Light, I miss him terribly, and I…well, thank you for worrying about me." She stops, takes a deep breath and tries to continue. She wonders just how far her husband's suspicious go, what she can say that won't wreck everything.

Thinking her finished, Soichiro starts in. "I'm sure you do miss him," he says, "I'm not saying you don't. But that wasn't the purpose of the letter, was it? Sachiko, you asked our son to _lie _to me. You have no right to put him in that position, it isn't fair to him. That's you being a bad mother, and I _know _you're not, normally." He stops, twists her wedding ring in circles 'til she wants to tear her hand away. "Sachiko, the fact that you're going behind my back…well, it makes me suspect that you've been unfaithful. I'm going to ask you again, and this time I want an honest answer. Are you, or are you not having an affair with Ryuzaki?"

He has not asked this question when the answer was yes, before.

Sachiko has never been especially good at lying.

She doesn't really know what to say.

"No," she starts, and Soichiro snaps, don't lie to me. As if he can possibly know the truth before she says it. He has speculations, nothing more. How can he be so presumptuous? Never mind that it's true, never mind that she's betrayed him just as she swore she would not, never mind! "Soichiro," she says, "I would _never," _and he tells her, again, not to lie. Begs her, with his hand crushing hers and his voice sounding shredded. Sachiko can't keep this up for long. Her stomach tying itself up in knots tells her that much. "Yes," she whispers, wresting her hand from his, "Yes, Soichiro, I'm so sorry, but I am."

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Nana: Well, everything seems to be blowing up in their faces. And there's still Light's reaction to deal with. Oh boy. Anyway, I hope you're as excited about the upcoming misery as I am. Have a lovely day, and leave me a review on your way out!


	19. Lemon Haichu

Nana: This chapter is a bit longer than what I usually produce. Some of you did ask for longer chapters, so there you go. It's kind of inevitable once things start to get more dramatic, I suppose. There's a lot of confrontation in this chapter, and a lot of things leading up to other confrontations. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Infinite thanks to my wonderful beta Iron Chief, and to Rara and Serria for helping me out with word choice over AIM. Oh, and of course to all of you readers. On with the show!

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Kids

Chapter Nineteen – Lemon Haichu

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Somehow, Light has stayed asleep through the whole roaring argument. L is almost offended by his stable grasp on slumber, but the relief he feels overshadows that. If Light had heard, it would be a disaster. L may be a skilled liar, but that doesn't mean he can stand up to Light. Light matches him in intelligence, and he's used to being under suspicion, whereas L is not. No one has ever accused L of anything, not to his face. He's heard rumors stating that he's incompetent and ridiculous, and his reputation has been shattered by those who support Kira. But, when you stay in the shadows, people can't accuse you to your face.

And so he sits atop his throne-like chair, shivers due to a cold day and an open window. He stares at Watari, and wonders if he too will accuse him. If he knows what crimes L has committed, and if he will forgive him for committing them. Light will not, and L will not apologize to him. But Watari is different. Watari is L's conscience when his own flees from sight. "Ryuzaki," he whispers, "I think we need to have a little conversation. Were you being entirely honest with Chief Yagami just now?"

L knows how to lie to everyone except Watari. Despite the obvious impossibility of this, he cannot help but feel that if he lies to him, he'll know. And he does not want to wreck the only honesty he has. "No," he mutters, gnawing his finger so hard he draws blood. "I wasn't."

Watari sighs loudly, says he figured as much. "I knew something out of the ordinary was going on. You have seemed both happier and more miserable than I've ever seen you before, and Chief Yagami's explanation for that is as good as any. I wonder, though, why you didn't tell me. I thought you knew that you could trust me with anything."

"Yes, I know that, it's not that I thought you were going to tell anyone." L takes his finger from his mouth, heeding Watari's silent request that he stop. He hasn't said a thing, or even moved, but L can feel his disapproval all the same. "It's just that some things are rather difficult to discuss. And I didn't want you to think less of me because of it."

"Ryuzaki, I've had my share of affairs," Watari says, chuckling slightly. "Admittedly, mine have not been so potentially dangerous as yours is, but I can hardly judge you. I don't think this was a good idea on your part, and I do wish you had confided in me sooner, but I certainly don't think less of you."

With that, he places a gnarled, liver-spotted hand on L's shoulder, and L lets out a sigh of relief. "Thank you," he says, staring up at the motionless ceiling fan. "I'm not going to be able to keep this up much longer. Chief Yagami is going to find out, and once that happens I doubt we'll be able to continue working on this case together. He has been nothing but professional in dealing with his son as a suspect, but that alone is enough to make him hate me. He's stretched to his limit. This will break him. In fact, I believe that he might try to kill me."

"He will not succeed on my watch," Watari says, tightening his grip on L's shoulder. "And I doubt that Chief Yagami would do such a thing. He's a good man. You have wronged him, yes, and I don't think he will be pleased when he finds out, but murder is a little extreme."

L shrugs him off, fixates grimly on a wrinkled lemon Haichu wrapper that has made its way onto the floor. "You should know what people are capable of," he tells him flatly. "You're old enough not to be so naïve."

----------

Sachiko and Soichiro sit huddled on opposite sides of the living room couch, ignoring each other as best as they can after her revelation. It doesn't take long for this brief burst of quiet to die. The veins are jumping in Soichiro's head and his hands, and soon he lunges for her, nearly hits her in the face. She is expecting this, and so she dodges him and stares him down, folds his hand back into itself. His knuckles crack under her hands, and he mumbles a rushed apology. "I'm sorry," he sputters, bewildered. "I wasn't really going to hit you. You know I would never do that. Then again, we all do things that no one would ever believe we were capable of. I guess if you could have an affair with somebody half your age, I could hit you, couldn't I?"

"I don't think you could, no," Sachiko says, wondering if the soft smile that she's trying for has actually appeared on her face. She has a feeling that all she's got are hard lines and obvious rage. "You're a good man, and you could never have gone through with hitting me. I know that. I know _you." _

"Clearly, I don't know you," Soichiro growls, edging away from her and wrenching his hand from her grip. "You're certainly not the woman I thought you were, Sachiko."

"I'm still the same as I've always been!" she snaps, knowing as she does that she should keep herself in check. She is the one who has sinned, here. No flawed marriage, no workaholic husband/lonely wife scenario can excuse what she has done. "I'm not a different person because I did something that isn't like me. It was in me all along, it must have been…I'm still Sachiko. I'm still your wife."

"Legally," Soichiro snaps, and then he takes that back, sighs bitterly. He stares pointedly at Sachiko's house slippers, and continues. "I don't know. Maybe this is something that we can work through. After all, we've been together for over twenty years; we've raised children. And you don't have a job or any money, so divorce wouldn't be good for you, or for Sayu. I'd provide for her of course, but…I'm really jumping the gun here, aren't I? We should talk about this."

Sachiko nods, gnaws her bottom lip and drums her fingers on the couch. "Of course," she croaks, "of course we should. We might be able to fix things and…and understand each other. I don't think that you understand why I did what I did."

"No, I don't," Soichiro says, slumping forward like a half-empty bag of rice. "I can't think of a single reason why you would do something so immoral. No matter how terrible I was as a husband, or how much you think you love Ryuzaki, there is nothing that can justify what you've done. I would still like to hear why you thought it was alright, though."

"Don't be so judgmental! You know already that you don't understand, so just _try _to, alright?" She stops, blinks back her brewing tears and swallows, says, "I'm not saying I did the right thing. I didn't. And you weren't a terrible husband, you did the absolute best that you could but it just…it wasn't enough. I should have known at the start that it wouldn't be. I knew what I was getting into, marrying you. I knew I was always going to take a backseat to your job, that our _children _would take a backseat. But, Soichiro, I loved you so much that I just didn't care."

"How can you _say _that?!" shouts Soichiro, leaping to his feet to tower over her. She tilts her head back, pushes her hair from her face and watches his eyes as they too fill with tears. Like her, he does not allow those tears to fall. "How can you say that you love—excuse me—_loved _me, after what you've done? Do you think that's going to make me forgive you, Sachiko? The fact that you've wrecked something that used to be love makes it worse!"

"Calm down," she murmurs. "Sit, you're going to give yourself a heart attack." And he does sit, and Sachiko knows that it's not to preserve his own health. He is calming down, for her, because despite all his blustering, he does love her. He wouldn't be so upset if he did not. That thought is oddly comforting to Sachiko, and it gives her strength to go on. "Darling," she whispers, moving in to press her cheek to his chest, and trying to ignore how he stiffens. For the past two decades she has done this, during every difficult discussion. They've been through everything together; they can get through her betrayal, too. "I _do _love you. I _still _do. Nothing is ever going to change that. I'll admit, I love you differently than I did in the beginning. We aren't as close as we were. You've seen terrible things that I haven't, and I've seen things in this house that you…well, that's just it." She stops, takes a deep breath and waits to see if Soichiro has anything to say. He stays silent, stone-faced, and he does not take his hands from their bleach-knuckled grip on the couch.

Sachiko sighs, keeps going as she moves away from him. "You were never here to see anything in this house. And that was something that we were supposed to share. We were supposed to raise children together; we were supposed to _spend time_ together. But work was more important to you than anything else. I understand that it's important. I understand that you help people in need, and that you bring home the paycheck that keeps everything going here, but that…that's not the same as having you here. And I think that you've known that for a long time."

"Yes," croaks Soichiro, the tears in his voice if not his eyes. "I've known. Of course I've known. Sayu was talking for weeks before I found that she could do that. Light broke his wrist and I didn't know until it healed. You had an affair with a great detective and I never had any idea."

"You were suspicious," she snaps, unable to stay completely warm, because there's more to this than Sachiko being sorry. What she's telling her husband has defined every day of her life until now, and Sachiko will not forgive him easily. Not if he can't forgive her. "You were," she says, "and your accusations drove me to this. If you had just trusted me, I probably wouldn't have even thought of it. But people tend do what's expected of them. You need to remember that, from now on."

"Sachiko, we've been married for twenty years now, I ought to be able to tell you what I'm thinking. The only reason I brought it up is so that you could tell me it wasn't happening and we could be done with it. I don't need to be worrying about my marriage while I'm trying to do my job." He sighs, grips his knees with his hands and stares at the carpet. Sniffles, and swipes at his nose. Sachiko does not know if this is due to choked back tears, or her failure to clean up the carpet. "It isn't my fault," he insists. "You could have talked to me about how you were feeling. We could have worked it out, but you chose not to."

"I'm sorry!" she yells, her hands forming loose and shaky fists. "I'm sorry, okay, I shouldn't have done it and I'm sorry! But I'm miserablein this marriage, Soichiro! I don't think it's too much to ask for you to put me, your _wife, _first sometimes. I'm not asking for always, I just…I just wanted some indication that I _mattered _to you." She stands and starts pacing, crosses her arms and keeps her spine stick-straight. She will not stand slumped and bowed like Ryuzaki does. This conversation isn't about him.

Soichiro stares at her, mouth hanging and eyes pried wide open. "Of _course _you matter to me! You and Light and Sayu mean _everything_. You have to know that. You have to know that I did my job to make your world a safer place. To provide for you, to…Sachiko, you knew this, right?"

She shakes her head, "no," she says. "I didn't. I told myself that tale a thousand times, but it never quite rang true." And with that, he cuts her off, says that it's absolutely true, he loves her more than anything, and that's why he has to know what happened with Ryuzaki, immediately. Sachiko tries her best to forgive him his stress-induced bluntness, murmurs, "that is not what this is about. What's important is that you understand why I did it, not exactly what I did."

"I have to know!" he shouts, banging a futile fist into a nearby cushion. "There's no way I'll be able to move past it if I don't. What did you _do _with him? I know that you had sex, but was that _it?_ It sounds to me like your were actually having a _relationship, _and you…you don't actually love him, do you? Please tell me that you don't."

"I don't…I don't know," mumbles Sachiko. She sits back down with bowed head and knitted brows, tries to wrench her feelings from inside her head. She doesn't know. She had thought she loved Ryuzaki, but those feelings are fading and anyway, she can't say that to Soichiro. He doesn't want to hear the truth; he wants to hear that Sachiko still loves him. He doesn't care if it's a lie if he can pretend to himself that it's true for a few months. They will keep on doing this forever unless Sachiko stops it. "Yes," she says, still not sure if it's the truth. "I did love him. I do. I wouldn't have had an affair with him if I didn't, I do have some self-respect."

Soichiro slumps further, grabs at his graying hair. "I thought as much," he says. "You're right, you're not the type of woman who would do it for the sex alone. I can't imagine Ryuzaki being particularly good at that, anyway. He isn't, is he?"

"That's not relevant," Sachiko says, sighing and slouching down next to him. "You know it's not, you aren't this vulgar."

"I hardly think it's _vulgar _to want to know why my wife is sleeping with another man!" Soichiro shouts. He gives up quickly, likely knowing that Sachiko's right, that this is a pointless line of conversation. "What do you want to do now?" he whispers, eyes shuddering closed. "You can't stay with him, you know that, right? He won't take you back, and besides…" Soichiro stops, taps his fingers and heaves a sigh. "I wouldn't let you. I'm not insisting that you stay with me, frankly I'm not sure if _I _want that…I don't know, I don't want to get divorced but anyway, Sachiko, you cannot stay with Ryuzaki. You may love him, but he's been using you for information."

Sachiko picks her head up. "What do you mean?" she asks, eyes narrowed and fingers kneading together. She does not like where this is going. Soichiro is sweating with repressed rage, and his expression is almost maniacal. He doesn't speak for a while, and when opens his mouth, the hairs on the back of her neck stand at attention.

"He's investigating this family," Soichiro says, straitening his back until it's scaffolding-stiff. "He suspects Light of being Kira, and he's using _you_ to obtain information. He told me as much. Of course, he didn't say anything about sleeping with you, that would have been far more honesty than Ryuzaki is capable of."

Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance, denial, and anger again. Sachiko whips through the stages of mourning at lightning speed. What she's left with is gritted teeth and a knotted gut, and all she can say is, "oh."

"I highly doubt that Ryuzaki loves you, and even if he does, do you really want to be with a person who would keep something like that from you? Don't you think that it's your right to know, as Light's mother, what he's been accused…of…" Soichiro trails off, no doubt noting his own hypocrisy. He has kept it from her, too. She does not know if she should bring this up, if she's capable of responding. Her baby…her precious Light…_Kira? _That's not possible; Sachiko's carefully brought-up son is not a murderer. He's working to bring Kira _down. _Soichiro may as well say that Sayu is a lumberjack for all that this makes sense.

Her throat has gone suddenly dry, and so her voice comes out sounding strangled. "You…" she croaks, "you've been keeping it from me, too. If that's a reason not to stay with him, then it's a reason not to stay with you, either. Is Light…is Light really working on the case, or are you holding him prisoner? Soichiro, you have to tell me what's happening to our son!"

"He's alright," Soichiro says, finally giving in to the tears that have been threatening all night. They slip down his face in silent streams, and Sachiko only hesitates for a moment before she wraps him in her arms. And she cries, too, her tears and mucus drenching his right shoulder. "He's alright, Sachiko. And he isn't Kira. We couldn't have raised that kind of person, we _know _that. We just have to wait for Ryuzaki to realize that he's wrong."

They understand now; their marriage is not what matters. They cannot shove this to the side for long, but they can forget, for now, their respective betrayals. If Soichiro does not scream any longer about how she has wronged him, Sachiko will keep quiet about all the things he should have told her. She will seethe for now, and save her rage for Ryuzaki. "I have to see my son," she states, summoning the strength that she used to take to PTA meetings, to the playground with her kids._ My children come first and foremost. _She says,"I won't do anything to hurt the case, I swear I won't, but I _must _see him. Please, Soichiro, please take me to wherever he is…I don't even care about Ryuzaki anymore, I just have to see Light."

It isn't true, and both of them know it, but all the same, Soichiro promises that he will bring her to Light in the morning.

----------

"Ryuzaki," Watari says, coughing slightly as he sets a dish of ice cream on a nearby table. L had not wanted Watari to leave him, but he had been foolish enough to mention his earlier craving. Watari, of course, filled it immediately. It isn't the kind that he had hoped for, since they didn't have raspberry chocolate chip in the building, but ice cream is ice cream. To L, the flavor hardly matters. What matters is stuffing his face with as much slippery sugar as he possibly can. "Ryuzaki," Watari says again, "I must ask you something."

"Yes?" L says through a mouthful of ice cream. It's milk flavored, which, unlike every other flavor of ice cream he's ever had, makes him feel clean. This is so inappropriate he can hardly bring himself to take another bite. "What is it, Watari?"

"I just wanted to know if it made you happy. If you got anything out of it besides guilt and potential career damage. I know you might not want to consider these things, but you must if you intend to move forward." He blinks, takes a spoonful of ice cream for himself. "Tell me if you think it was worth it."

Of course, Watari _would _ask the one thing that L has tried his hardest not to think about. What he wants is to disassociate himself from the situation, not comb through it for benefits that are long since gone from him. What's the point in analyzing what he can no longer have? It's not as if he'll ever do anything like this again. L is not human, he is a detective, and from now on he's going to remember that. He will not forget his limitations again. "I don't think so," he says, shaking his head and taking another bite of ice cream. "I got carried away, and I wasn't thinking straight. If I had been, I wouldn't have taken such a huge risk. It compromises the case, and I'm overstepping my boundaries, I…I just wanted to be a different person. I don't like my life sometimes, Watari. I know it's been really amazing, and that I've accomplished all these magnificent things but I just…I just wanted to feel _human_ for once. The way I went about it was ridiculous of course, I've ruined everything now. And I probably sound like a blithering idiot."

"No," Watari says, wrinkles crowding into his mouth as he frowns. "You don't. You are expressing your feelings, something that you do not do frequently, and are not used to. Ryuzaki, there are more ways than one to be human. You do not have to fall in love for that. One way in which you are human is that you stink. You smell like sweat and stale sugar, and you need to take a bath." He stops, steals the last of the ice cream, saves it from melting in the dish. L resents this, just a little. "If that's not enough," Watari says, "then think about what you just said to me. Would someone who was inhuman say those things?"

L shakes his head, face in his hands and fingers dragging through his hair. "I think," says Watari, "that once the Kira case is finished, you should take a vacation. Clearly, you need some time to find out who you are outside of your job."

Though L does not lift his face from his hands or his fingers from his hair, he does nod. And he does not say a word as Watari takes his arm and points him towards the bathroom. "Go bathe," he directs, "it will help."

"I'll have to wake up Light to do that," L mutters, turning his head to gawk at the door. The stirring inside makes his heart use his ribs like a punching bag. If Light wakes up now…if he was already awake and heard his confession…

The door flies open, and Light strides out, fists clenched and teeth grinding themselves down to dust. The chains of the handcuffs sliding on the floor by his feet. His anger is obvious, but somehow, that settles L's heart more than anything else could. After all, he would never have risked discussing it out in the open if there wasn't something inside him that wanted to come clean. Light will not change the fact that L has spent his life lying. Light will not absolve him of his sins. But all the same he stares him down, and waits for Light to talk to him.

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Nana: I hope that was to your liking. Conflicts like this can be kind of hit or miss, but I tried my mightiest! Stick around for Light's reaction, next time on Dragon Ball…okay no. Anyway, love you all to death, and leave me a review!


	20. Ice Cream Soup

Nana: Hello, and welcome back to Kids

Nana: Hello, and welcome back to Kids! My sincerest apologies for the delay—I don't really have much of an excuse aside from the fact that I was busy with school, and that these scenes were quite difficult for me to write. Now that it's down to the wire, it's hard to negotiate appropriate reactions. But anyway, here's Chapter 20. I hope you'll enjoy it, and leave me a review on your way out.

* * *

Kids

Chapter Twenty – Ice Cream Soup

* * *

"Ryuzaki," Light says, controlled as he can in spite of trembling limbs and burning hatred. L does not respond to him, choosing instead to wait him out. He picks at a half-formed hole in the knee of his jeans, gnaws on his lip and stares pointedly at Light, although he does not want to look at him. "Ryuzaki," Light says again with sewn-closed eyes and clenched fists. "You're going to have to wait for that shower—you and I need to talk."

Of course. Now that he has sinned and everybody knows about it, his psyche is public property. L has scooped the brains out of thousands of criminals, he has analyzed their every thought and motivation. Of course he should face the same fate. The great detective L should be tied up and tortured, question after question being drummed into his ears until he speaks.

Not that he wants that. He'd much rather have a civil conversation. "Alright," he says. "We can talk. What would you like to talk about?"

"Don't be stupid," snaps Light, standing directly in front of L and staring down at him with his hands placed girlishly on his hips. The chains of the handcuffs trailing down the side of his leg like a snake. "You know exactly what I want to talk about, and you pretending otherwise is offensive. I'm getting really sick of being lied to."

"I understand," L says, deadpan as he can as he stares up at Light. "I personally do not enjoy being lied to, either. However, I am sure you can comprehend my reasoning for not discussing this matter with you previously. It would have been quite detrimental to myself, and to your mother."

"I can _comprehend your reasoning _just fine," snarls Light, eyelids twitching as he talks. "Of _course _you wouldn't want to tell me about it, any idiot could figure that one out! What I want to know is what the hellpossessed you to do in the first place. You do realize how inappropriate this is? You're not so socially inept that you don't understand?"

"I understand," he says again, knees shaking despite his alleged calm. The shaking is slight, so it's unlikely that Light will notice. All the same he tries to stay calm; even slightly jangled nerves could screw him over. "I can certainly see why you are upset, Light, but tell me, what exactly do you believe transpired?" With that he picks up his spoon and pretends he still has ice cream, scrapes the soupy, melted dregs from the bowl. He stares at Light, unblinking.

Light pulls up the battered folding chair that his father used earlier, sits with his legs straddling the back, and his arms folded firmly on top of it.

That position looks uncomfortable to L, but Light states frequently that he's surprised that the way L sits has yet to snap a tendon. So apparently, he's no judge on this sort of thing. Light does not answer his question, he merely sighs and rests his arms on the back of the chair. L does not allow his eyes to narrow, or his breathing rate to change. "Light," he says, flat as paper.

Light continues grudgingly. "It seems to me," he says, "that you've been having an affair with my mother—coercing her into committing adultery in order to fill some emotional void. That, and you're manipulating her into providing completely useless information about me."

"No information is useless," mutters L, hoping Light will take the bait and forget the rest of the conversation. It's not a point Light wants to argue, which makes sense, it was a lame attempt. L hadn't expected it to work, but all the same, he's disappointed. Everything he does should work.

"Ryuzaki," Light says, his voice so laden with unearned authority that it could only come from Kira himself. "What you've done is unforgivable. My mother is a _married woman, _you had no right to initiate this with her! You're a manipulative, immoral _bastard, _and you…did she even _agree _to this? You didn't…you didn't force her into anything…did you?" Light's features soften with panic, and L heaves a sigh, says,

"Go on, Light. Ask me if I raped your mother. I'm sure that that is what you want to hear."

"What are you _talking _about, why would I want to hear _that_?! If it's the truth then by all means Ryuzaki, please confess, but it's certainly not something I'm _hoping _for!" Light rubs his forehead, as if the stress of the situation could dissolve into the palm of his hand. "Well," he croaks, "Did you?"

"No," says L, allowing a shred of emotion to slip into his tone—disgust is fine given the circumstances. "But I would think that the idea of your mother as an innocent victim would be more appealing to you than the idea of her as a willing party."

"That does _not _mean that I want her to be _raped. _Do you have any idea how traumatizing that would be for her? Why would I want _anyone _to have to go through that?" Light is fuming now, fists clenched and eyebrows knitted. "Listen," he says, "there is no possible way that she's a _willing party _here. Even if you didn't rape her, there is no way my mother would do something this terrible unless she felt she had to. You manipulated her until she said yes on her own."

"You should give your mother little more credit," L says as he gnaws on his nail bed. "She's an intelligent woman—I don't think I would find her easy to manipulate, if I chose to attempt it. However, the fact is that I did no such thing. She confessed her feelings to me while I was recovering from a fairly serious illness. I was in no condition to think things through." Briefly, L considers smirking—he does feel a bit smug right now—but he refrains. "I know you want to blame me, and I do admit to being partially responsible. But you must acknowledge her culpability." He drops his voice, says, "I actually quite resent her for disrupting my life as she has."

"Well, what about _her _life?" Light snaps, right hand staying the left. L can see that the boy wants to hurt him, his fists are shaking with it. L rips a cuticle and sighs.

"I'm sure that for her it was a pleasant diversion. She feels neglected, lonely. Her husband is not there for her. Her children are not there for her. She has no career with which she can achieve fulfillment. Many housewives have affairs under these conditions—it's to be expected, really."

"That does not in _any _way make it acceptable," Light snaps, pounding the chair with his fist. An unsightly red dent soon appears on his skin, and he winces slightly, continues his moral tirade. "What about my father?" he asks. "How do you think he feels about this? I'm sure your understanding of love is minimal, but he _does _love her, she's his _wife._"

"Are you saying that marriage can be automatically equated with love?" L asks, as if this is relevant. Loveless marriages exist in abundance, but Light isn't about to believe that his parents have one. And if L himself loves Sachiko, than surely Soichiro does too—he's ignoring her completely now, after all, and her husband has never done that. L doesn't know if he _does _love her, but that isn't the point. What the point actually _is…_well, his handle of that is tenuous. The point is that he doesn't want to have this conversation anymore. The point is that he misses her deeply, this woman who transformed him into a sex-crazed sinner.

Light doesn't answer his question. L's diversions are pointless, and he doesn't remember how to think anymore. Sachiko has robbed him of that ability, and yes, he will blame her for every mistake he ever makes. It doesn't have to make sense, because Sachiko has gunned down his logical abilities. He does not have to engage Light in a battle of wits, his mother has stupefied him. "Listen," Light snarls. "I don't care what your excuse is, and your attempts to distract me are pathetic. What you've done is repulsive. I still respect you as a detective, but as a human being, you're scum. I'm not going to forgive you for this."

Of course not. He has strayed from the path. He has broken out of L to become…nothing. He has no Sachiko, no pedestal, he's been reduced to a contemptible human. And Light seems acutely aware of his contemptibility. He's snarling at him, and cracking his knuckles violently. As if preparing to throw a punch. Watari smiles wanly at Light and says that he really shouldn't resolve this with violence. "You should both get back to work," he says. "Or get some sleep. Something more productive than fighting. You've made it quite clear that you're capable of such things, there's really no need for it now."

All the same, Light throws a punch. There's no strength in it, and it won't leave a mark, but that does not appear to be the point. L isn't sure just what the point is—perhaps he wishes to assert his dominance? He returns the punch with a half-hearted kick, an eye for an eye after all, but they don't go any further than that. Light seems to be put off by the gun nestled in Watari's pocket, and L just doesn't care. He's exhausted. Done with this. He has no idea what he's defending anymore. He's scum.

* * *

Security is a nightmare. Sachiko knows they've switched locations, driving to the station with a car full of melting baked goods and finding nothing has cemented this in her head. Still, she doesn't expect it to be so hard to get into the new place. There's a sheaf of paperwork that she's obliged to fill out, and her husband has to go through a retinal scan. She gnaws her bottom lip as he submits to it; she's heard that these scans can blind you. When he looks up at her with unmarred eyes she heaves a sigh. "Do we have to go through much else?" she asks, staring down at her ill-fitting pink shoes. Soichiro shakes his head, says that the only ordeal is the one they'll face once inside.

"I don't know what I'll do when I see Ryuzaki," he says, fingers curling into fists. Those shaking fists make it obvious, but Sachiko does not point this out. "I might not be able to control myself. Please, Sachiko, if I become violent, do everything in your power to stop me. I will do my utmost to maintain control, but I cannot guarantee it." He stops, heaves a sigh and says, "I'm not _furious, _not right now, but if I see him that could change."

"Remember earlier when you tried to hit me and didn't? You're not violent, Soichiro. You might like to think you are, because it's 'manly' or whatever, but you're not." Soichiro shakes his head at this, furrows his eyebrows in an angry attempt to convince her that yes, he _is _capable of violence.

"I didn't hit you because I love you," he growls. "Besides, you stopped me. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't. I have no such feelings towards Ryuzaki. I once respected him, but that's the extent of my positive feelings towards that man." Sachiko says nothing. She doesn't know why her husband wants her to believe that he's a brute—perhaps he believes it himself. But Sachiko can't imagine him hurting anyone unless he has to. He'd had to take a day off work the first time he used a gun on duty—he couldn't handle the guilt, couldn't face what he'd done until Sachiko spent hours convincing him that he hadn't done anything wrong. She had wondered about the injured criminal's mother, but she never said anything about that.  
"Right," she mutters softly. "Well, let's go."

With that, they lock hands and march towards the cold computer room, where Soichiro has sworn that they will find their son.

* * *

When she sees Light she wrenches her arm from her husband's grasp, runs towards her baby at full speed. She rubs her cheek against his cotton shirt, ignores the tiny buttons that press painfully into her flesh. She squeezes him so tightly that he yelps. She pulls back at the sound, apologizes for being so emotional. He isn't a little boy anymore, she cannot cling to him, or claim him as her own. He's half a foot taller than her, now. All the same, she hasn't seen the kid in months, and he must be in hell right now. Maybe he doesn't mind a hug from his mother. Now she doesn't know whether it was right to retract her arms.

"Mom?" he asks, "what are you doing here?" It isn't clear from his voice whether he knows or not, and it isn't clear from Ryuzaki's stance whether he does. Ryuzaki's eyes are as blank and cold as ice cubes, and his mouth is a pixie-stick-straight line. The lack of emotion makes her shudder, but she ought to be used to this by now. She will not look at Ryuzaki now. Light will be her only focus, at least until she ascertains that he's okay.

"I just…I just…" She stops, not knowing what to say. Does Light need to know that she's been roped into this? Surely he would not want her to worry; surely he's humiliated by his accusation, surely…surely he does not need to know that his mother's been screwing the man who has handcuffed and detained him. Oh, the handcuffs. It kills her to see her son in chains. "I just came to see you," she finishes lamely. "I've missed you."

Light shakes his head, his meticulously clipped hair flying briefly into his eyes as he does. Sachiko tries to distract (convince) herself by staring at the unwashed mess on Ryuzaki's head. How could she have ever wanted him? He could never give him what Soichiro's given her, he could never give her such a perfect son. Her son says, "I think that there's another reason, Mom. I don't think I'm the only person you wanted to see."

"Your father's been home," she says, nervous because she _knows _that isn't what he means. She fiddles with her wedding ring, comes so close to taking it off that suddenly her husband's eyes and Ryuzaki's are both focused on her finger. "I came here with him, to see you. Just you, I…" She stops. Light's mouth is just as hard a line as Ryuzaki's. He knows about this, she doesn't know how but he knows. Ryuzaki may have told him, just as she told Soichiro. There is no one in this room who does not know. "Okay," she croaks. "Light, there's something we need to talk about."

There's an old man standing in the corner with his hands behind his back. Until Ryuzaki exchanges glances with him, Sachiko refuses to take note of him. And she does not realize until now how focused she's been on Ryuzaki. She wants Light to be her only thought. She doesn't want to care about Ryuzaki anymore. But she does, and she snaps to attention when he clears his throat, says, "perhaps you ought to do this elsewhere—it's quite impolite to go barging into other people's high-security buildings to hash out your family business."

Sachiko blinks, says, "Ryuzaki, this concerns you too. My husband already knows, and I'm about to tell Light, so there's no use pretending nothing's happened. We need to deal with this like adults."

"Why did you tell the chief?" he asks, fingers going white as glue as he grips his fraying pockets. "I had a perfectly plausible story for him. The truth was completely unnecessary. I'm not trying to destroy your marriage, Sachiko, but it looks like you've gone and made me do it anyway."

"The truth is _never _unnecessary," her husband snarls, his fists curling in a pitiful attempt at violence. He would never hit her, or Ryuzaki. She has to keep on believing that, or she won't be able to get through this encounter. How in the world does Soichiro expect her to stop him if he does attack someone? She isn't afraid of him, not really. Because she knows she has not married a violent man. No matter what happens, no matter what he says, she'll believe it. And he continues, says, "Ryuzaki, I…I'm absolutely furious with you. _Livid. _I don't…I hardly even know what to say here. Ryuzaki, she's my _wife!_"

"I'm aware of that," Ryuzaki says, seating himself on his massive, overstuffed armchair. "If she were not your wife, why would I make any attempt to hide it from you? In fact, how would I have met her in the first place? Yagami, I am aware that what I've done is wrong. However, I want you to reconsider you treatment of this woman. She wasn't unfaithful to you because of my charm. I'm the first to admit that I have very little of that."

"That is not what we're here to discuss," Soichiro mumbles, crimson creeping across his face as he stares at his loafers. "I don't appreciate you turning this around on me. My shortcomings are no excuse. Not only is this a gross betrayal, but it's unacceptable of you to involve her in the case. I don't know if I can continue working with you after this, Ryuzaki."

Sachiko clasps her husband's jumping fingers, says that she would like to hear what Ryuzaki has to say. "I know it might be painful to you, but you already know how I feel. I want to know how much he understands about our relationship. I want to know how much of this is all in my head."

Maybe he doesn't want to, but her word appears to be enough. Soichiro nods, and gives Ryuzaki permission to continue.

* * *

Nana: I'm sorry about the cliffhanger! It makes it easier for me to keep writing the next chapter if I do this. It's not out of spite, I swear to socks it's not! Anyway, yes, soon we shall see how this all plays out. I hope you all liked my offering, and I'll try and get another chapter out soon. Stay tuned, and leave a review on your way out, please. Love you all!


	21. Brownies

Nana: Yesterday I received a PM and a review asking me to please update already

Nana: Yesterday I received a PM and a review asking me to _please update already. _I'd been working on this chapter, but not diligently. Once I got those two comments, it reminded me that people _are _actually interested in reading _Kids, _and that I should get my ass in gear and finish up the next chapter. So here's what I came up with. I hope you like it!

--

Kids

Chapter Twenty-One – Brownies

--

He does not speak right away. His attempts to transform this into a game of logic have failed, and L finds himself flailing in unfamiliar territory. How can he presume to understand what a marriage is like, how can he claim to know why Sachiko did what she did? He hardly understands his own motives, how can he possibly understand hers? He damns his own arrogance, takes a deep breath and says, "Chief Yagami, you do not take your family seriously. You consistently put your job before them. I understand that. If I had a family, I would most likely commit the same sins. Our work is fascinating, exciting, all-consuming, it's…" He trails off, stares nervously at the ground. Wishes for a roach to crawl by, or a crumb to fall from his clothes to the floor. Distraction of any kind, really. "That's not what I meant to say."

He doesn't know what to say, though. He's like a child here, aping understanding. There's no one that makes him feel as stupid as Sachiko does, and for that he doesn't know if he loves her or hates her. Whatever he says will be ridiculous, offensive. The great detective has jumped ship, and all that's left is an incompetent husk of human being. L clears his throat, shifts his weight from foot to foot. Contemplates running away, contemplates killing them all. He could do those things, but instead he does his best to keep talking.

"As I said, I understand that your job is important to you. I won't pretend that I would do things differently. But it is _because _of my dedication to my job that I never married or had children." At that, Light says something snarky about how he thought it was his lack of appeal to the opposite sex that made that decision. L ignores him. He knows that Light would not stoop to such petty insults if he weren't speaking to home-wrecking scum like L. He continues, says, "your family is important, too. They need you, and they can't replace you. The police force can. Your absence has been keenly felt by your wife, and her understanding of your absence doesn't make you any less gone. Her children are growing up, and they make it plain that they have no use for her—" Light cuts him off then, his fingers curling into tightly clenched fists. But he speaks to his mother, not L.

"You know that's not true," he says. "Sayu and I _are _growing up, yes. You could say that I've already grown. But that doesn't mean that you're useless to us, or that we don't love you! You're our mother, how could we ever stop loving you?" He stops, takes a deep and ragged breath. L stands immobile, battling the twinges of loss and envy that always arise when he hears the word _mother. _"Mom," Light says, "you're not useless. But I want to be of use to _you _now, because you've done so much for me. That's why I've been working so hard, and why Dad is. We want to make the world a better place for you and Sayu. And Dad is making money to support you. It's all for you, and you think it's okay for you to go and do this? We love you Mom, _Dad _loves you, even after what you've…" He glances desperately at his father, eyes wide and free hand jammed deep in his pocket. "You do, right Dad?"

As L expected, Yagami doesn't respond right away. It must be hard to decide if you still love the woman who betrayed you, and it must be even harder to decide what to tell your son about it. After a moment, Yagami nods, and Light looks so happy that L thinks it must be fake. Does it really matter _that much _if your father loves your mother? L's father killed himself because he loved L's mother too much to go on without her. Obviously, he hadn't loved L with nearly that strength.

He looks to Sachiko (because she did love L, if only briefly) to see how she's faring. Her teeth are clenched and her eyebrows knitted, and L doesn't know if this is rage or an attempt to keep from crying. She speaks, choked, and L knows then that she's holding back tears. "Light," she says, "sweetheart, I know you love me. I know that both of you have always been doing your best, but you need to understand, especially if you're ever going to get married and start your own family, that working hard is not the same as being there. Both are appreciated, but one can't replace the other. Sometimes, dear, when people are alone for too long, they…well, they find themselves in need of other connections." She shudders then, and L has to fight the urge to wrap his arms around her. He knows, though, that if it were acceptable for him to do so, he probably wouldn't. He shifts in his seat, stares down at his too-long toenails. Wonders who will speak and if he really needs to be here any longer.

The Yagami men keep silent, and Sachiko turns to L. There is no malice in her eyes, surprising him. "Ryuzaki," she murmurs, walking over to place a hand on his. This causes Yagami to stiffen with rage, and L is not surprised by this at all. Sachiko continues. Her voice as soft and warm as fresh brownies. He cringes inside, knowing he shouldn't associate anything good with this woman. He will lose her, any moment now he's going to tell her it's over for good. His insides twist in protest, and she says, "Ryuzaki, _thank you._"

He blinks in confusion. "For what?" he says stupidly, hating this situation that's making him stupid. His reasoning capacity has dropped by _at least _40 since meeting this woman, and that's when he's sitting feet planted beneath him. _Properly_.

"For understanding," she says, kneading his knuckles, touching him more than she needs to or should. "I didn't think you knew why I wanted to be with you. I suppose it makes sense that you would. You're a detective, you were probably trained to look at motives. Still, I appreciate it. And you only got one thing wrong!"

He can't help it, his head snaps up and he asks, "what did I get wrong?!" Almost yell it. He hates getting things wrong, hates it all the more when he can't be expected to get them right. He cannot carve a social life out of bombastic claims of being the greatest detective of all time. Nothing logical works here, and he hates it. He wants to pack up his things and fly back to England, hole up in the orphanage for a few months. Or stay here and finish the Kira case himself. Get away from these people, get back to work, god he's practically trembling with fear. It's not visible, though. At least he hopes it's not.

L contemplates snatching his hand away from Sachiko, but she smiles at him. So he doesn't. She says, "Ryuzaki, you _are _charming," and he thinks she's a better liar than he could ever be.

--

Immediately upon saying that, Sachiko regrets it. First of all, it's making her husband (all infidelity aside, they _are _married, and she _does _care how he feels and what he thinks of her) furious. He's grinding his teeth so hard she thinks he'll crack them. She wonders briefly if his dental insurance will cover fixing a cracked tooth, and then shakes the thought from her head. It's not important, now. They've been talking about too many things that aren't important. It matters that Ryuzaki understands her, that he was able to explain her motives to her husband. That maybe Soichiro will understand now too. It matters, yes, but not as much as the fate of her son. Ryuzaki thinks that Light is Kira. That's what she came here for. She lets go of the detective's hand.

"Ryuzaki," she says, repeating his name for the third time. Trying to make him as human as possible; she knows he is. Knows he would never do anything truly terrible to her son. Because he's a good person, deep down, just awkward and difficult to deal with. She stares straight into his unblinking eyes. "We know why I wanted to be with you, and that's great, but I'm not the only person involved here. I mean, I'm no prize. I'm a dowdy old housewife whose IQ doesn't come close to matching yours. Aside from my being an excellent cook, there's no reason for _you _to be wasting your time on _me. _And I'd like to think that the world's greatest detective isn't so easily won over. So, Ryuzaki, why me? Is it because I'm Kira's mother?"

He flinches, eyes wide with horror. As if he's been punched in the face. It's all she can do not comfort him, and she hates herself for it. In all likelihood, he did use her. He's certainly put her son through hell. She shouldn't care how he feels. That wounded expression is probably an act, anyway. Same with the trembling hands and nervous glances back at the old man in the doorway. "I…" he mumbles, thumbnail jammed in his mouth like a child. "What do you…you knew that…well, I suppose your husband must have told you. I believe that that's how he's interpreted things. I could be mistaken, of course, but it would be a sensible thing to…" He trails off, losing track of what he means to say. Sachiko tries not to look at him.

"What did you do to my son?" she says haltingly, clutching Light's hand and pretending not to notice how it stiffens under her grip. Ryuzaki stares at her for a long time, and finally replies that he only did his job. As if that explains anything. As if that makes it alright somehow. "Light," she says, "what happened to you while you were here? Was it just interrogation, what did Ryuzaki do?"

Light heaves a sigh, stares nervously at his father, maybe hoping that Soichiro will tell him what to do. Soichiro doesn't notice his son's plaintive looks, either that or he just doesn't care. Perhaps realizing that he isn't about to get any guidance, Light speaks. "I'm sorry," he says, staring so hard at his shoes that his eyes are almost crossed. "I didn't want you to find out about this…I didn't want you to worry. But it wasn't too bad…I spent a lot of time in lock-up, but I volunteered for that. I don't know why I did that, it was a mistake on my part. And lately we've been handcuffed together, so that Ryuzaki can keep an eye on me. But it's not too bad—we're working hard to catch Kira, we've got several leads besides me, and once we _do _find Kira I'll be able to clear my name. Please Mom, don't worry too much."

"How can you possibly expect me not to worry?!" she snaps. As soon as she speaks she covers her mouth with her hand, hating herself for being cruel and impatient. She isn't like this, she's a kind, sweet woman who loves her family, who would do anything for her family, who would never ever snap at her son, or cheat on her husband. Maybe Soichiro was right when he said she wasn't the woman he thought she was. Maybe she has changed. "I'm sorry," she says, stroking Light's wrist, pushing the hairs the wrong way. "It's just that you went through such an awful ordeal, and I didn't even _know _about it, and I…I'm your mother, Light. I should have been able to help, and you…you must feel so betrayed, knowing what I was doing with your accuser. I didn't know, Light, I would never have…I shouldn't have anyway. Ryuzaki, why do you suspect my son?" She turns to him, and he's standing taller now, toes gripping the ground and elbows sticking out at odd angles.

He takes a deep breath and says, "that's classified information. I can't go around revealing the finer details of the case to those who aren't involved. It's unprofessional. Besides, it's nothing against you or your son. I'm doing the best I can with the evidence I have, and if indeed he is not Kira, he is in no danger. Light would be here regardless of my accusations—whether it's to save himself or to track down Kira, he _does _want to participate in this case."

That stings. It shouldn't, because Sachiko doesn't want Ryuzaki to trust her anymore, and besides, it's not as if Soichiro tells her every detail of every case. He tells her things he shouldn't sometimes, but he can be quite tight-lipped when he makes up his mind to be. But this means everything to her, this concerns her _baby. _None of that matters to Ryuzaki, though. Sachiko has no idea what does. "Look," Ryuzaki says, ripping a nail with his teeth. "This is pointless. This has nothing to do with you. I'm dreadfully sorry that your son is a suspect, but I cannot simply drop my suspicions because you don't want me to have them. I need evidence. And we need to decide what we're going to do now. I assume that you no longer wish to see me?"

"I never said that," Sachiko insists, ignoring all the times she told herself just that. It would certainly make her life easier not to see him again—she wouldn't have to change much of anything. But she doubts that she and Soichiro can ever go back to the way that they were. She doubts, too, that Ryuzaki will be any better. He's told her as much, and proven it. "I…I don't know, Ryuzaki, what do _you_ want?"

"I want you to marry me!" he blurts, gnawing his lip and staring pointedly at the ground as soon as he does. Eyes widen all around the room, and Ryuzaki starts shaking his head, saying, "no, no I didn't mean that. I'm sorry, I'm terrible at this. I'm not asking you to leave your husband. That would be ridiculous." He stops then, pushes the bit of torn fingernail around in his mouth. This is mildly disgusting, and Sachiko has to stop herself from correcting him. The desire to do so makes this easier, though. Why should she feel anything but scorn for a man with such disgusting habits? (Never mind the fact that Soichiro is wiping his nose on his sleeve as she thinks this.)

"Please continue," she urges, turning away from Light, away from her husband. Grabbing Ryuzaki's arm and focusing solely on him. She knows she won't get anything out of him otherwise, and she can always make it up to her family later. She gets the feeling that she won't be able to make anything up to Ryuzaki.

He continues, says "I love you" so fast that it sounds like a cough. Ryuzaki is blushing furiously, seeming to want nothing more than to flee the room. He looks like a small boy struggling with a first crush, and Sachiko doesn't know what to say to him. She ought to lie and say she never loved him, that this was all a mistake and that she's going to go home now. Ryuzaki says it again, and Sachiko wrings her hands, smiles blandly.

He's been swinging between confident and not this whole time. When Sachiko smiles, the pendulum swings back to confident, or at least falsely so. Not enough to think she loves him. Not enough to do much but sulk and speak his mind. His face twitches and his fingers flex, and he says, "You know what, I'm done with this. You won't return my feelings. Like you said, you did it to escape your failing marriage. I'm not _charming. _You couldn't possibly want me. Besides, I think your son is Kira, and there's no way in hell I'll change my mind for you. We are not _people_, Mrs. Yagami, we are _positions_. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to mine."

With that, he charges out of the room, dragging a bewildered and protesting Light behind him.

--

L would give anything to be alone right now. Light's presence is an insult, an abomination. He wants to give in to the storm inside him, curl up in bed and sob uncontrollably, gorge himself on brownies and ice cream until he pukes. A pathetic, feminine system of mourning, yes. He's not sure if he could really cry that much. His eyes feel weighted with cement. But no matter the method, there is mourning to do. The human being who once struggled to free himself from the detective prison is now dead; L has slaughtered him. He is not capable of living a full and happy life, all L can do is solve cases. And Sachiko left him with an inability to deal with that.

Because Light is here, he cannot react. He cannot say a single word, because if he does Light will only berate him. He does not want to hear anything more about what a pathetic excuse for a person he is. If he cannot mourn his failed attempts at being human, he wants to do his job. And he will. He will prove once and for all that Light is Kira, that the world's greatest detective was right all along. And he won't give a damn what Sachiko has to say about it.

--

Later, after Light has fallen into a restless sleep, Watari steps soundlessly into the room and places a hand on L's shoulder. Sets down a plate of brownies, cookies, and cake, more sugar than even L can possibly consume. L keeps telling himself that he isn't going to cry, because Light does not sleep deeply, because he isn't a pathetic, miserable crybaby. He's got to toughen up, now. He doesn't cry, but the lump in his throat makes it almost impossible to swallow anything Watari brought him. And his eyes stay moist and swollen all night long.

--

Nana: Well, writing this certainly made _me _want to give everyone gigantic hugs. I don't know about you guys. Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I won't promise that the next one will appear in a more timely fashion, because I may well break that promise, but I can honestly say that I will try. Leave a review on your way out, and much love to you all!


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